Uninteresting Fractional Beings

Walmart CEO Michael Duke earned $19.2 million in 2009 while the company laid off 13,350 minimum-wage workers

1 athem 6 Chinese peasants sharing the job aone offshored but entitled and illiterate, ex-firstworlder

A single gallon from the 2000 required to put a pound of poisoned, tortured beef on our family table

The pitiful unbelievers whose lost souls shall never get even a single glimpse of our eternal paradise

That poor, abused little girl, always silently held back by the horrors her uncle embedded within her

Allatha uninterstin and useless species that needta adapta our ordained progress or simply disappear

The 50% of our created-equal kids who just gotta make do with at least one parent missing

Irrelevant worn out and castoff old people staring blankly at their duty to simply get out the way

Vegan halfwits doped up on some totally-divorced from reality New Age SustainaBilly opiate dream

Low level beings like pets which our kids may occasionally torture cause, after all, they aint people

Any of them illegales always slippin around under foot real quietlike, tryin ta steal the resta our jobs

Them yatillions of unintersting sea zooplanktons vainly trying to feed offa our microplastic residues

Whatever halfa-biyon Indians each barely scrapin by on like $1 - Ever hot, dirty and miserble day

The fractionally-human CEOs whose only sense of pain comes from their own pathological insecurity

Robocloned politicians whose morals and opinions can be updated remotely by their donor owners

eHiver zombie drones filling internal vacuums by inhaling illiterate posts and meaningless tweets

Couch-based virtual warrior adventure heroes whose muscles lie flaccid and unused in dull reality

Uninteresting losers, content to live within average means on ordinary jobs - Way too boring for us

All those vapid and loyal fans who make a wonderful life in hollywood possible for their stars…

That 60% fraction or 4.5 billion people in this shiny, hi-tech world who don’t even have flush toilets

Those filthy homeless losers you ignore every day who won’t even try to clean up to look for a job

Bold ruling executives, incomplete except in a 3 piece suit with a crisp white shirt and natty new tie

That 1% who can never get quite rich enough to realize that they already had quite enough, long ago

Fragmentary vampires such as real estate agents, fully alive for just a few minutes - after each sale

Sheep, content to mask insecurity with tired placebos hawked by charlatan, franchise faith salesmen

All those whose existence is not worth consideration outside their tiny dot in some lame sales trend

Dumb, backseat plants and animals lacking either commercial value or aesthetic appeal to humanity

Disposable temporary farm workers who just need to disappear when their thankless slavery is done

Long-persecuted minorities who wont drink their Self-Responsibility Kool-Aid and stop their whining

Those innocent victims of obesity swollen beyond human recognition by the awful bloating epidemic

Former Meth addicts with brains now so fried that they can never again experience normal pleasure

Nearly contemptible mere citizens who can never understand the Police, EMS, Fire or the Military

Passive-aggressive underperformers who survive only due to a bluntly-enforced political correctness

Hapless sports nuts surviving with half their brains given over to meaningless corporate franchises

Snarky hipsters who don’t yet grasp that all old people always look the same, just like all the Asians

Nearly-literate, debt-ridden graduates wasted on jobs that don’t require any higher education at all

Drugged-up shutins whose hidden lives fade a bit every day due to some wasting terminal malignancy

And all that you have learned is but empty noise to them

The world that your father knew disappeared so long ago

Why, the world that you grew up in is now their ancient history

Things you found important are just no longer relevant

Movements that you’ve never heard of create the news today

The future you always awaited now bobs in your fading wake

Glancing into your eyes, all they see is some boring past

Your endless possibilities have quite slowly merged

Today it’s you just sitting quietly, watching their kids now

The latest calls to action are not intended for your ears

Your once unlimited time now reveals a distinct horizon

Presently it hurts just getting up, even after sleeping well

And all that you have learned is but empty noise to them

Your treasured possessions are not even fit to be donations

They’ve never heard of historic events that you witnessed on TV

The work you toiled so long upon is no longer done

Their kids don’t understand any of the stories from your youth

The ideas that molded you are no longer circulating

Your youthful ideals were scuttled quite long ago

Your search for meaning was halted due to falling darkness

Your HappyEverAfter was postponed until further notice

You are the ones now, who are older than dirt

The world as you explain it now turns only in your mind

Your acquired wisdom just makes them smile to each other

Your once cutting edge is now quaint and outdated

Your volunteer labor is not even worth the minimum wage

Now it’s you who they’re making fun of in edgy hipster skits

But you’re keeping real busy just looking for your glasses

And nice people often call you about things that you should buy

They ask who it could be when they see you in those old pictures

Now it’s you waving goodbye as they drive away

You’ve put down your load and become an awkward burden

You’re ready to enjoy life but you’re worn-out, confused and broke

But, Hey: You even try to walk a little, almost every day

It’s they who remember you’re telling that same story once again

And the sun really is too bright for your golden years

First in line, you’re next to go and you’ve already been cast off

Hail The Anthropocene Era

Shortest geologic era on record, marked by a mass extinction due to human activity. AKA the Cretinaceous period.

Our consumer trends create market-driven conditions to which a species must either adapt: Or perish

We even act as if we can decide which life forms will survive based on whether we need or like them

Our micro-plastic litter shards have become an inert part of the food chain in every ocean on earth

And we can all ask in one talkinghead voice: What has any stinkin polarbear ever done for my family?

Our genetically-modified mono-cropped food plants drive evolution in the lifeforms we label as pests

Today, we tacitly agree that a sustainable environment is whatever remains after our latest progress

Industry assures us that we humans are immune from the otherwise toxic effects of their activities

We cannot not be constrained by divisive quarrels over irrelevant history, for we must move forward

The axiom that mere grasping self-interest optimizes everyone’s future anchors our economic beliefs

Clear skies, clean water and intact ecosystems are infinite free goods that must never be regulated

Tough pests and scraggly weeds near our fields are the new normal in plant and animal assemblages

Burying valleys in mountain-top coal mine slag merely emulates natural earthquakes and volcanoes

Dams and clearcuts select the strongest of those decimated salmon in our warmed and silted rivers

Bidding up prices on those few remaining bluefin tuna demonstrates marketplace species protection

Total species count and individual numbers decrease in direct proportion to our population increases

Extending our protection to lands, plants or animals declines with their short-term profit potential

Why, we all help alter the entire earth’s climate daily - simply by using electricity, driving and eating

And we may choose to decry, ignore, disbelieve or honor these efforts based on religion and politics

Many among us would call this era the Saviorscene as all our efforts are, of course, divinely-ordained

Habitat destruction is but one more evolutionary hurdle for the few surviving charismatic megafauna

Like a meteor strike, our population bloom stresses species - beneficially speeding up their evolution

Such as rats, cats, dogs, roaches and bedbugs profit briefly as well during our bubble-like ascendancy

Not only do we mortgage our futures but the slyest among us hedge against our very survival as well

An entitled greed is foremost among those Traditional Family Values™ that underpin our way of life

Any new chemical created may be spread freely until it’s proven to be harmful and explicitly banned

The best measure of human progress is GDP - Not biodiversity, sustainablility or habitat preservation

Modern culture venerates human life even as it destroys the very environment that makes it possible

The only necessary and sufficient condition to ensure our future is the pursuit of individual happiness

The best way to solve non-issues such as climate change is to innovate and profit from their effects

The current mass extinction is not human-caused and is just as natural as any of the previous five

A 3 ton SUV carapace is the ideal way for a human mother to shuttle her offspring about in safety

If Asians work toxic 16 hour shifts and sleep 20 to a room, clearly chickens cannot deserve too much

Blind faith in capitalism and trust in almighty God are our armor and sword in this battle for survival

Industry trade group soundbites are honest counterweights to cooked, elitist bad science research

Industrial self-regulation is the only real way to painlessly meet our Good Steward responsibilities

Know that this wondrous flowering of humanity doesn’t simply yield the seeds of its own destruction

That’s An Alternative Fact!

Our supporters don’t listen to their lying so-called factcheckers - so we can create the news that suits our sponsors

Welcome to the highway to hell, here in the USSA – The United Socialist States Of America

Gas would only be $1.50/gallon if not for that intrusive and unnecessary government regulation

America’s greatest days remain ahead, for we alone possess a divinely-granted exceptionist destiny

Climate change is a costly, elitist scare tactic used to try to steal our precious national sovereignty

Good science can advance thru slanted polls and soundbites just as well as via reproducible research

Industry studies reveal processed meats have health benefits beyond storing toxic fat for lean times

Politicians are not quietly fostering increasing ignorance only because it keeps us easier to convince

The government’s core inflation rate is a true indicator of price trends our families are experiencing

Real estate professionals bring true expertise and a desire for a better world to their unselfish work

Corporate strategies are rooted in a deep patriotism and great concern for citizens longterm welfare

Free markets can ensure species preservation via setting high prices on items such as ivory and tuna

Our lovely planet can comfortably support 10 billion people with but a few minor agricultural tweaks

Liberals plan to take away our guns and give up our cherished freedom to that pagan United Nations

We absolutely must continue to outspend the world combined on dEfense or risk foreign domination

Medicare Death Panels already have prioritized lists of grandparents to be put down by gov’t doctors

It’s only the Far Right that has succeeded in stopping any and all efforts at political compromise

Continually retrying failed socialist policies hoping for better results is a hallmark of liberal madness

Though their contributions are not financially measurable, CEO compensation must increase annually

Chronic budget reductions can be sustainably overcome via volunteerism and doing more with less

Air is free, a fresh water supply is a god-given right and the oceans must stay open to all for profit

Our reasoned evolution of belief is the very opposite of the hated political enemy’s cowardly flip-flop

Industry-financed drug research exemplifies how market forces efficiently effect safe self-regulation

War is a genetic and moral imperative – Besides it’s a lucrative and permanent economic opportunity

Tax cuts, social program reductions and deregulation will suffice to get our country growing strongly

Globalization allows multinationals to provide us with cheaper products and good jobs for peasants

A worldwide elite conspires to tithe our precious sovereignty to a godless Eurohive of failed socialism

LGBT behavior is a lifestyle choice which can be unlearned given the proper spiritual environment

And truly the fight for gay marriage ranks right up there with women’s suffrage and negro civil rights

The feds fund stripper training in Chicago and teach NY pimps to writeoff employee meth benefits

Ranchers are right to demand predator control so their welfare cattle can trample public wetlands

Any tax increase on the rich completely robs them of their priceless, job-creating motivation

Unlimited and anonymous corporate campaign bribes are necessary to ensure our freedom of speech

Mandatory universal armament would ensure everyone’s safety from that rare wacko mass murderer

The EPA or Employment Prevention Agency must be abolished along with all its job-killing regulations

Recycling is a foolish waste of time which merely prevents market forces from operating efficiently

The return of the Good Old Days of late last century is certain given our people’s boundless optimism

Find Myself Bawlin

I’m settin here bawlin by an old radio on another too hot afternoon

I’m still gettin these thoughts of slippin off, now and agin

But, I still aint got no notion tatake it out on nobody else

Lookin back I kin see all we really had musta been nethin

Now that you run off fer good I just got to face it at last

But all I can do is set here and sob a little, all ba ma self

Thought we was goin somewheres, but I’m settin here cryin

Aint having no violent thoughts, no sir, why did you ask?

Just found myself bawlin in this old trailer, onct agin

Got the blues from my momma wayfor she OD’d

Thought together was better, til you went away

Now I feel like it’s all just this like dark and dirty rain

Just seeing this or hearin that gets me all real sad, one more time

Reminds me ahow things were - and they didn’t work out then

So, once more everything all seems quite useless and dreary

Find myself bawling cause bein happy just seems so pathetic

But, I aint cryin for help so don’t send in no preachers

Just settin here whinin by myself, all alone once agin

I Really Do Need Lots of Guns!

Wow, I need a gun here right now, nexta my pillow cuz what if them UN helicopters hover tonight...

OK, what if that big black hand reaches into my window… later on when everybody else is fast asleep

I keep it warm and well-hidden, right next to my skin - on the way to church each Sunday morning

And it feels so good when I touch off a few rounds and some prairie dogs or such vermin just explode

I expeschilly like rubbing that smooth barrel up and down while it’s still warm and smoking

With this shapely 30 shot automatic in hand I’m ready to stand my ground - Anytime and anywhere

Hey, I’m just harking back to them good old pilgrim fathers who chiseled out our holy constitution

Yup, the right to deadly force is among the most deeply-rooteda alla our sacred tradishnal vayues

The very idea of even regelatin assault weapons sets my proud, violent, radicalized blood ta boilin

What we actually need are neighborhood anti-tank and anti-aircraft brigades ta foil CIA incursions

Why, at this very moment I could squeeze one off in the face of a drugged carjacker or pushy cicylist

God bless the NRA cause, whoa baby, I really need all my guns right here, right beside me, right now

Took a firearm safety class with my 3^rd grader and now she just loves to go shooting with her Daddy

Sitting quietly on my lap, she counts the shells in her chamber as we break down our pistols together

The wife’s got a very ladylike .38 she slips right on down into her purse as she heads in for a pedicure

To me, being armed is like being dressed, and you best believe I don’t even hop inta bed neked

The certainty that I have the power ta solve social problems by ending lives colers alla my actitudes

And, as everybody knows from the Good Book, jesus spoke out against gun control plots way long ago

For He commends us not only against the infidels but demands we take an eye for an eye and stuff

It’s a win-win-win situation combining our sacred religious duty with patriotism and sensual pleasure

Good God, I need my guns like I need ta eat every day and that’s really all I shudhafta say about that

Whenever I leave the house I got my checklist: Wallet, cellphone, handgun, BigGulp, sunglasses, keys

Hey, dont you think I dont know them socialist hivers meanta rob meamy godgiven right ta bear arms

But when the shit hits the fan, we’ll take off for the woods in my pickup loaded with rifles and ammo

After all, guns are a big parta what it means to be a Man here in The Greatest country on the planet

Yup, from pilgrim ta cowboy ta redneck an honored heavily-armed tradition been handed down ta me

We aint standin fer no weapons tracking, smart guns or fingerprinted ammo, either, no gotdam way!

The feds got no right to know what I got up here in my home arsenal but they can tap them tweeters

I need a gun or I wunna feel complete and my whole lifestyle would not make any real sense…

It’s even more than self-protection, why, it has a lot to do with who I am and what I truly believe in

Them occasional mass killings simply prove that our citizens needs to remain ever armed and vigilant

Yea, in a righteous world 4 or 5 civilians would open up on wack shooters anywhere, public or private

Yup, I read that American Rifleman magazine in the privacy of my bathroom and God bless my guns

You might as well ask me to give up good old red meat as to surrender my treasured, shiny firearms

Ya see, gun control actually should only be about keeping a steady aim and a smooth trigger finger

So, I’ll see you down to that next gunshow in Arizona, checkin out bikinis & unregistered automatics

I never knew I’d be laying here so still

I never knew they were making stuff up to get me mad enough to keep voting for their rich sponsors

I never found it worth my time to exercise, eat right, read, save, learn new job skills or ha! Meditate

I never felt even the slightest need to do more with less or to reuse, refurbish, repurpose or recycle

I hadn’t a clue that my precious faith was actually just another crippling and addictive escapist scam

I never realized I should have really believed in, and maybe even stood up for…something, anything…

I never saw end of life stuff coming so I was totally unprepared when it all-sudden smacked me down

I never knew what hit me so when I woke up I kept asking the same questions over and over again

I never grasped how much I had bet until after I had lost way more than I could ever have afforded

I never really felt their pain though I stood right nexta them thru all kinda their stirrin ceremonies

I never thought of self-acceptance until she told me that she could not love me cause I hated myself

I finally understood that none of us ever has any chance at all and that has made quite a difference

I never knew I had already been taking part in this rigged game, until it was very nearly over for me

I had no idea how short life actually was and especially how quickly it would just deadend on me

I never had a clue how fast time’s current moved us since we were all being carried along together

I never dreamed I’d be considered senile after my blurry life left me in this simplified confusion

I would never have guessed that all I had striven to learn would become either outdated or irrelevant

I never thought I’d be deemed unemployable with 25 years to live and way more debt than savings

I’m sure I couldn’t have known my house wasn’t a personal ATM that would be eternally replenished

I was blissfully unaware that forever and for always was an advertising fairytale spun by slick media

I did not foresee us living with our parents and our grandkids from different marriages for this long

I had absolutely no intention of supporting misogynistic terrorists and inbred sheiks at our gas pumps

I never questioned our living large on negative savings rates via credit cards, rented TVs and liarloans

I never considered for one minute that our HappilyEverAfter wasn’t just up around that next bend

I never saw how patriotic megacorp CEOs were immune from caring what happens to the rest of us

I never even noticed as responsibilities crept up slowly, flowing in all around me, right up to my neck

I was not at all aware I was merely a data point, totally unimportant outside frivolous market trends

I never listened to that tiny voice asking the big questions - for actually, I feared those answers

I took no lessons as my elders disappeared - since I always knew that would never happen to me

I never paid any attention to the losers who quietly kept the wheels on for us all, each and every day

I never felt we could be lost since we all shuffled along so close together, all in the same direction

I never saved cause I always knew to stop and smell the roses, grab for the gusto and live for today

I never had the slightest doubt my precious children being entitled to a better future than my own

I never considered that the issues they trumpeted were only to serve their sponsor’s selfish interests

I never realized I couldn’t remember hardly any of those big holidays I spent so much time waiting on

I never knew I’d be laying here so still and tubed up but with so much yet to do I had not even begun

I found no comfort in knowing that they had to let me go and then they had to get on with their lives

I Got Like A Minute Old Guy

Tho I hardly can hear you for the roar of our present, I see you gesture, are you calling my name?

Certainly you might have something to say, so what can you tell me, I’ve got like a minute today

Surely after all of your time, a wisdom remains, or is it just creaking bones and memories that fade

God knows I never dreamed that I should even listen but now I might have learned just enough to ask

What can you tell me I could carry off a bit better than say, a couple handfuls of dripping water

Is the only real difference between us the short times left before we both have departed for good?

Surely there’s more to your life than medications, dietary restrictions and lost forget-me-not lists

So what keeps you going now, day after day? Did you at last distill some wisdom from out of this blur

Now that you finally escaped from the ratrace, please tell me – What is it that I am still working for?

And, have you at last had time to actually determine whether, in fact, you are coming or going

I thought I should ask you, cause sometimes I’ve actually considered that it all may simply be futile

For the older I get the faster my employers write off my little, but wasted, economic usefulness

What do you say - are there still things I need to see, or do you spend all of your time safe in the past

I know it may take a while but please try to get back to me before your kids warehouse you for good

Did you take anything from those who came before you or should I ignore you too, exactly the same

Wait, I think you might have been saying something but with all of our noise, I could not quite copy

Likely you’ve developed some reasonable conclusion regarding your onrushing eternal disappearance

Tell me of the great lessons you take from all of the nonsense pounded ceaselessly into your head

Never needed your advice on living but perhaps you can give me your take on preparing for departure

Wait, let me lean close, for your voice has grown faint, yet it looks as if your lips may still be moving

Hooray For That NSA!

The Glomar Response: A government agency's express refusal to confirm or deny having any information on a subject

Yup, they’re out there - sipping from their most giant data firehose, just looking for stuff like this:

‘I’m hoping ta join an al-qaeda sleeper cell, can somebody help me find one in my home town?’

Now then, if I searched for ‘neked pitchersa little boys’, they’ll be trolling for that as well

See, theyre trainin computers to sniff out terrorists and perverts like dogs sniff out drugs and bombs

Don’t be following @alqaeda on twitter or your updated score will draw a live spook’s attention

But no worries, they aint stealing your credit card information, even though now they could

For they’ve found a way to break that good old uncrackable RSA - Oh Hooray, Hooray!

Closeted heroes all named Joe who the NSA routinely denies - their duty is to secretly keep us safe

Why, they’ve even figured out how to get onto your smart TV and can sniff inside yer iPhone as well

But you got to remember it’s all and only in the greater ineresta-nachinal security, so you just relax

Just don’t be looking up like ‘bomb making materials’ or ‘buying a US passport’ or stuff like that

And they’ve figured out how to decode misspellings and illiteracy better than with that shoe bomber

Incubating whatever yottabytes of personal, private data that’s 99.99% useless - Out there in Utah

Packet-groping you at all the major data centers 24x7x365, they filter-feed on our precious freedoms

Nobly working out algorithms to separate white rice recipes from deadly ricin nerve gas formulas

Probably even able to differentiate libertarian sarcasm from the plots of poisoned true believers 

They got smart guys with phDs in like Steganography dissectin images of panties for sharia fatwas

They can detect upticks in terrorist chatter with the fully correlated precision of scientific statistics

And these days they’ll find out if you’re looking into fertilizer, diesel fuel and renting a truck

They’re connecting the dots all over the world, hoping to see the big picture to save our way of life

So I’m not doing online research about weaponizing bird flu or on how much security there is at dams

Dont want to get on a watchlist and have my calls sent straight to the NSA as a potential drone target

I can only hope my digital pocket litter don’t add up to enough to earn me a cyber-detective tail

But, who knows? Searching on gay marriage and Traditional Family Values may be suspicious as well

It costs us billions but their budget is also a secret, so you just better back offa that real quietlike

Just keep in mind that all their work is simply in the interesta ensurin our own common good

You stay away from them web honeypots they fill with helpful hints about pressure cooker bombs

Look, don’t ask any questions at all cause that evokes “The Glomar Response” - and closer scrutiny

Simply accept that to preserve our liberty they gotta tap your innermost privacy in absolute secrecy

And like they keep telling us, if you done nothing, you got nothing to fear, And…it wont hurt a bit

Seriously, you will do your part by just letting them do theirs, you know, like you do at the airport

Their people are anonymous, their methods are secret, their results are classified and that’s how it is

They spurn the cops, they’re outside the military, they don’t talk to the FBI, but you must trust them

They’re not after your mother, they wont hurt your kids, so you can relax and keep sexting your wife

But you can be quite sure: They possibly have foiled nearly countless deadly and hypothetical attacks

They could brick your laptop anytime if necessary, so just you stay real quiet, a bit right of center

Unimpaired By Reason

Unfettered by faith from review, our decisions are secure on a foundation of media-created tradition

Unimpaired by reason, we are fully capable of swallowing any form of urban myth or country legend

Our progress remains unimpeded by any of their cooked and contradictory, whatever recent findings

Likewise, our kids move forward unscathed by the sinful brainwashing of a broken education system

We remain unattracted to that failed eurosocialist nannying - so long ago proven an abject failure

Assured that their real agenda never changes, we stand unsullied by their omnipresent fake news

Unencumbered by crippling introspection we proceed purposefully upon a safe, faith-based itinerary

With thick blinders of belief, we unflinchlingly ignore the satanism of evil progressive disinformation

Actions and morals dictated by the good book, our fat & happy lives are unfazed by any uncertainty

Enlightened as to the depravity of junk science we thrive, absolutely unblemished by that fuzzy math

Unaltered by their vast global media conspiracy we stand firm by our own unbiased TV social analysts

Unhampered by doubt as to the righteousness of our cause, we march on with total clarity of purpose

Protected by our rhino-like armor of faith, we are unscarred by their fatally-proud, secular doctrine

Unconstrained by guilt over past decisions we never need perform amoral and spineless flipflopping

Untrammeled by overreaching rationality, we see right through their fantasy facts and fudged figures

Unrestrained by responsibility to mere objectivity, we create news to support our sponsors’ agendas

Unaffected by bad science, we out politically-spawned research hoaxes with angry opinion pieces

Unweakened by going into depth on the issues, we maintain a healthy suspicion of all those who do

Shouldering the exceptionist role granted us by our creator, we remain unswayed by BS UN statistics

Unconvinced by their amoral logic we commend ourselves to colorful soundbites of our HD clarifiers

Marinated in faith beyond any debate, we stand tall, unperturbed by His mysterious contradictions

Unmotivated to strain learning new work skills we await the Outsourcers’ promise of good new jobs

Pointedly unimpressed by lame foreign cultures we loudly emit a just contempt at their fool customs

We remain unconfused by ignoring the conflicting and bogus false choices of that elitist conspiracy

Unanimated by calls for sustainability, we proudly cleave to our traditional takeout family values

Adhering to folkways deployed long ago in the late 20^th century, we stand untroubled by new findings

Our spirits are unbroken despite their constant flow of exaggerated tweets, half-truths and total lies

Unawed by criminal over-complication, we steadfastly cling to the plain and simple, black and white

Looking right thru them, we remain unmoved by the less fortunate as we pass by them every day

Untouched by shrill calls to some limp green future, we patriotically partially consume...and discard

Simply refusing to listen to their fabrications we prosper unscathed by doubt-producing contradiction

Undiminished by philosophical progress, we cling tightly to our stale faith and its hollow traditions

We stride untraumatized by data overload thanks to our scripted purveyors of conservative pabulum

Unsatisfied with mere probabilistic experimental results we rely on self-selected Word interpreters

Our great need for armed personal protection remains undeterred by occasional shooting rampages

Undaunted by that Great Recession, we know this is still ThE Greatest Country On The Planet

Happily Even After MAGA

I did finally get me another job, yup, locked into a 6 month tmp contract they can terminate at will

but after 100 weeks of demeanin and intrusive filin for my rightful unemployment, I am reborn

making half of what I used to and drivin twice as far but, I got this wondres renewal of my self worth

not gettin any benefits until I possibly get on fulltime but I still got a few pain meds left fer my teeth

good thing that old core inflation remains low cause everything that we buy has gone up, out of sight

we do save a lot on home maintenance and yard work since we was forced to become renters again

but I got financial-smart friends who stayed at home years fer free by dodgin in and outta foreclosure

we eat lots of fastfoods cause I hear it’s way cheaper than bakin bread and cookin beans and rice

sure I canceled that expensive car insurance - just as soon as I got my new plates and registration

getting rid of my trash down by the creek cause I aint payin tahave guys come justa haul that shit off

them damn cell, internet and cable bills cost like $300 a month but we caint do without that stuff

dont see how the gumint screwed things up so bad so fast but we just gotta get anybody else in there

got no insulation here so we just keep the heat cranked cuz we all liketa hang in baggy shorts

thank god for Fox exposing socialist plans to expand entitlements and demotivate noble job creaters

why, the people down ta the ER know our kids names but them elitists aim to take away our choices

lookit my diesel pickup boys, got er jacked up, custom wheels, real loud and I only owe like $45000

sicka payin for these stupid public service intrusions about whatever obesity and lameass exercise

if them warshinton jobkillers would just foller our sacred constitution and the blessed free market…

fed up with pukes tryin to nanny us right inta some kinda failed old eurosocialist style frikin beehive

and I got guns, too. Now, I caint afford new glasses but we can go out shooting at a $buck.50 a round

I should pay for they clean energy scams after they stifled our patriotic coal minin & oil drillin..right?

don’t know where they came up with these lies about our kids being like 29^th in world school testing

got a nice bonus outta my 401k last time I was laid off but I aint signin up fer that damn scam again

hafta laugh at them fool greenies tellin me to recycle fer nothin when I got imporent stuff to do

you bet I support our troops and I say we go after allathem idoletres enemy combatants, like say IrAn

happy ta see the feds siftin ever tweet fer terrorist threats but I’m sick atheir interference in my life

aint payin no individul mandate even if they keep raisin my insurance rates ta cover all the moochers

solved this climate change hoax by just turnin my coal-powered air-conditioner thermostat way down

dunno whats wrong with the damn schools but my kids know better than to pay attention to they BS

we aint lettin them push no girly damn ecocars down our throats even though they jacked fuel prices

got 8 months a year a the NFL in HD and listen, that’s about as damn traditional as things kin get

now if we could round up the abortion murderers, gay couples and gun controllers it’d be just peachy

we’re not too proud for food stamps but I do draw the line at Mother’s drug test disqualifyin us

it’s just a damn lie that our standard of living aint the highest in the world and is actually goin down

screw their economic mobility bull, Only in the USA can a guy get ahead just thoo his own hard work

yup, in our Happily Even After alla them Good Jobsa Tomorrow are comin right back here...

right along with the free home equity cash we deserve

ThE Greatest Country On The Planet

Look, we got good old red meat on the grill, a sixpack in the fridge and the NFL live on the bigscreen

So, despite ther BS studies, This here is still ThE best place in ThE world ta be so blessed ta live in

Our divinely-granted exceptionist role demands us ta ignore them soverenty-stealers overta that UN

I mean check out my new pickup and then how all the rest of them like somalis go grubbin around

Acourse we got the best damn roads in the world and the tufest trucks ta conquer allathem potholes

Check out our monster military which’d just crush whatever ferin hordes that’d ever dare ta defy us

Take a look at these special children we’re groomin ta take our places as tomorra’s global leaders -

Alla them lying elitist media satistics tossed aside, our kids are still ThE worlds Best and Brightest

We got all them squirrelly, vegan, socialist traitors cornered over ta NPR - which we’ll shortly abolish

Hey, I’m proud ta declare that cheap, coalfired A/C works perfect on everonathem recerd hot days

Don’t give a shit if they say them germans got solar and the highest skyscrapers are bein built in asia

Why, they’ll all just collapse back inta commonist stone age onct we cut off all that wasted ferin aid

Jealous of our incredible progress, they wanna hobble us with bogus hoaxes like that global warmin

Believe me, we don’t just shout ‘God Bless America’ fer nethin, We know that He will, and, Everday

Yeah, and this here is ThE richest nation in the world despite alla that elitist fake resurch news crap

OK, tell me this: Where else can you back up your religious freedom with a concealed assault weapon?

We’ll get gas back ta $2.00 soonas we dump them unconstetutional, job-killin EPA drillin regelations

Sure we got our problems, but at least We can already speak English, as godfearin folks was intended

Where else you gonna get a new SUV no-money-down and drivethru for a triple bacon cheeseburger

Wont stand for no grandmaw-killin euro-style death panels corruptin ThE worlds finest health system

We don’t need no high-speed rail, that’s namely one more example of yer intrusive socialist nannyin

Hey frenchies! Keep yer stoopid millametrs cuz we aint intersted in no DC lectric, thanks fer nethin!

Got ThE finest, freest fastfood system ever seen and it keeps down food prices fer the poor real well

No sir, here we dont let em tell us to eat tofu and ther naggin tirades about exercisin caint scare us

And, our sacrid constitution prohibits them forcin us into that lameass reciclin BS without payin up

We increase our diabetes, hypertension and heart disease at rates that keep asians playin catchup

We’re just about ta get them good new jobsa tomorrow we was promised when they offshored us all

Our financial system is the envy of the world so we protect that it stays too big to fail, or even slip

Just sos you know, Our constitution was pretty much handed down like moses got them stone tablets

Yet elitist conspirators keep lying about crap like infant mortality, life expectancy and literacy rates

But it’s our boys who shoulder the world’s burden of fightin em over there and not here at home

Our farmers feed the planet using giant tractors, fossil water, and the latest in GMOs and pesticides

And who provides the world with music and movie entertainment? It sure aint them Bollywood hindis

Why even peasants who dont have clean drinkin water can always get a Coke in nonrecyclable plastic

And that Marlboro Man of ours rides real tall on all them open ranges from Mongolia overta Patagonia

This here is still ThE greatest country on earth and we sure dont need no junk science ta prove it

Tao Te KaChing

 “The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao” – Lao Tsu, 600 B.C.

The Tao that can be revealed at a general shareholder meeting certainly is not the Insider Tao

The unimaginably-large and non-retractable bonus remains the source of ten thousand schemes

Never seeing the luxurious baubles of their CEO prevents confusion in the hearts of his loyal workers

The good executive is like water, assuming the shape of any corporate fishbowl in which he is placed

The CEO knows to stay behind (closed and guarded teak doors) and thus is he able to remain ahead

The sage says ‘better to stop short than fill to the brim’ and so it is with labor wages and benefits

Loudly proclaim wealth and disaster will follow, therefore float silently off neath golden parachutes

He claims absolute control over all things corporate, yet will always insist he knew of nothing illegal

Precious baubles lead the greedy CEO astray, thus must his compensation package annually increase

Subtly counseling workers to accept conditions as simple fate allows true leaders to slash benefits

Though their value cannot be seen, heard or held, wise boards bid up a CEO’s immeasurable services

They are the form of the formless and the face of the faceless – that 1% driven off behind tinted glass

The kernel of their knowledge is amorphous as the hollow of caves or the opaqueness of muddy pools

Policy prohibits them commenting on investigations but at bonus time the CEO will proclaim ‘I did it’

When media wisdom and pundit intelligence were born, then did their great pretense truly began

When the country became confused and in chaos then did these faux-loyal ministers first slither forth

Having abandoned kindness and renounced morality, they urge subordinates to filial piety and love

Following the Tao Te KaChing they know: There is no difference between Yes and No, Good and Evil

The ancients said ‘Yield and Overcome’, thus do they asskiss, backbite and shoulder-climb to the top

If heaven and earth cannot make things eternal the CEO employs outsourcing, temping and layoffs

Boasting achieves nothing, bragging does not endure so true CEOs strive to amass a superstars wealth

Shareholders know: The four great powers of the universe are the Tao, Heaven, Earth and the Bonus

The CEO, traveling all day, does not lose sight of personal gain, despite the 10000 beautiful things

The wise CorproClone retains his early humility: In his fictionalized and ghost-written autobiography

Many mergers are hard, some may fail: Thus, the sage CEO only works under an ironclad contract

When many are terminated, he mourns as if in sorrow, eyeing his huge bonus as if at a funeral

He reports footnoted results, never boasts in public and quietly deposits what is, his life’s meaning

His perseverance is a sign of the willpower of those unable to feel rich by seeing they have enough

Descriptions of the CEO seem without substance, invisible and silent, yet his great need is palpable

Like fish which cannot leave deep waters they must remain locked behind those rich mahogany doors

Good leaders model values but managers enforce rules, so a VP only smiles as minions do his bidding

Having lost goodness, kindness and justice, they rely on ritual - that empty husk of faith and loyalty

The CEO hears of the Tao and laughs, praise be, for without laughter the Tao would not be what it is

For pursuing wealth he acquires something daily, but pursuing the Tao he would lose a thing each day

The visionary CEO knows if his workers exist on the edge they will not falsely overvalue human life

Anonymous and irresponsible they feign a sorrowful humility when exposed at last to stockholders

Gimme That Good Old Red Meat - Cheap!

Hell, after all, “They're only animals”

Them vegans make me laugh, always whinin about some food animal holocaust goin on all around us

I jest ignore tales of atrocities committed on the spicy buffalo wings I suck down with good cold beer

Whatever antibiotic overuse dont really breed whatever resistant bacteria thats gonna get insida me

Why, I never even notice them smelly trucks goin by crammed with cattle shittin in each others faces

I say let the market decide how to handle em sos to put the cheapest meat on our good family tables

I don’t ever think about chicks confined to tiny, no-turn-around spaces pecking at each other’s faces

Hey, I’m OK ignoring highly automated mass production of inferior, food-grade life forms…fer profit

Look, if Chinese peasants work 16 hrs/day and sleep 20 to a room, why should piglets giteny better?

Aint listening ta their blatherin bout 3000 cows releasing the untreated shit ofa halfa-miyon people

Its not my problem if farms squeezed by Tyson choke Chesapeake oysters in untreated chicken crap

I support freedom-loving ranchers overgrazing, trampling and shitting in streams on our federal lands

And we must control any predators threatening their ruggedly-independent, gov’t-subsidized lifestyle

Just hush your fool squallin bout torturin them herd animals with an efficient solitary confinement

And stop promotin some fictional terror driving them thru dark lines at them bloody slaughterhouses

We’ll take our meat plastic-packaged and quite as unemotional as our Doritos, Thank you very much

Not interested in pichers athem layin in toxic muck in feedlots, Hey, they dont even know any better

Cost accountants and production engineers kin make the morally-right husbandry decisions fer us all

And our kids love squeezing extruded hamburg outta plastic cylinders lubricated with that pink slime

We laugh at the stupid lie that feedlot practices make our juicy grilled steaks wicked-carcinogenic

Hey, I aint looking at their faces! I just pick out their packaged parts in bright, clean, friendly stores

Simply refuse ta hear lame rants about red meat and nitrates causing all like heart attacks and shit

Really enjoy reaching for a good old doublemeat, bacon cheeseburger from my truck at the drivethru

Not concerned with the raw materials, but I do keep a close eye on the pricea finished meat goods

Meat’s just a part of our divinely-ordained dominion over this wonerful world He created jest fer us

Anyways, dumb animals have neither soul nor reason and they don’t feel pain, much less emotions

So, gahead - Truck them factory inputs around jest like theyas lumber, gas, beer or chinese drywall

After all, we been enjoyin meat for miyons ayears, we still need it to survive and we need it cheap

Ya know, them steers ain’t our kids pet dogs or something and it aint at all like damn cannibalism

I say ‘Out of Sight and Out of Mind’ until I get em up and sizzling on my $1500 backyard barbecue

See, the thoughts of real men don’t include nethin regardin the dignity and emotional needsa hawgs

An I’m sickta death athem elitist lies about sausage, bacon, salami and hotdogs rottin out my colun

Were bein good stewards: after all, we manage their lives from birth decon to slaugherhouse disposal

Look, I just gotta have some juicy red meat at least twice a day or my feminine side starts to emerge

And how can my boys grow up ta kill or be killed if I feed em that pusy damn tofu and soft white rice

I could care if they fatten cows on grain we could eat but they caint digest and then need more drugs

Intermsa meat, the Wal*Mart price philosophy does the trick fer us good traditional working families

Faking Political Correctness

I finally heard, and sometimes even heed, an inner voice saying that its a good time to just shut up

But really, I’m only acting nice, trying to avoid the guilt and shame that follows useless confrontation

So, don’t mistake my thoughtful silence for quiet acceptance – actually, I’m just being kind to myself

And as I nod while you speak, please understand it only means I hear you: Definitely not that I concur

You must realize that I have learned if I can’t say something agreeable, I will say something trivial

In fact, be quite sure that I’m just as likely silently and sarcastically damning you as supporting you

And if I quietly change the subject to something neutral, it’s only to avert a useless, angry escalation

Fact is, I’m simply being nice to avoid being sullied by wasting my own foolish adrenaline on nothing

Be advised I am not really nice, I am not very friendly and I often find your canned opinions repulsive

But I am striving to remain non-confrontational, just trying to avoid any angry but worthless flare-ups

I just want to remain nice and soft, like cottage cheese or tepid oatmeal, at least in your opinion

Please note that, really, I wouldn’t mind confronting you in my very harshest loud and angry tones

So, yeah, I’m being nice with unruffled feathers, staying all like politically correct instead of cursing

Offering what I hope appears as neutral silence rather than pointedly telling you exactly what I think

But even though now you know, dont you dare to confront me or we’ll brand you as a nonteam player

Let’s get thru our mandatory interactions without overt anger and I’ll happily part, without any guilt

I will be most falsely-courteous and faux-friendly to you during our forced face time at big meetings

Since I’ve seen the power of being politely passively-aggressive I’ll only denounce you covertly

I just want for you to believe that I am being nice so we can avoid any friction on all the real issues

Slipping, I’ll apologize for misspeaking or say that I was misunderstood: But not sorry for what I said

Trust me, I chafe under all this enforced politeness for it forces me to swallow my own vile hypocrisy

Still, it beats being soaked in bitter and guilty recrimination for many days after each confrontation

And I’m also being nice to avoid the real concealed weapons of all the personal liberty zealots I cross

Don’t want to take a bullet from a road-raged freedom lover goaded on by his far-too-personal savior

I’m being nice to keep my blood pressure down and my criminal record clean - Not to appease you

No need to worry, though, cause I’m no back-biting, tattletale puke ready to stab you in the back But dont even be surprised when decisions made privately on big projects deny your empty blustering

Yet hopefully you find out later I detested you and your little friends but for now: See my fake smile

I'm absolutely not preaching violence but being nice doesn’t mean I support your silly, vain agenda

I’m not being nice to win your friendship, trust or co-operation: It’s for my own selfish peace of mind

I also know it does no good to call you out to your politically correct, simply rule-enforcing manager

So, don’t you think I am smiling with you cause I’m really chuckling at your loud and ignorant pride

Been thru too many embarrassing after-situations and humiliating post-confrontations to speak up

It’s not worth it to act out for 5 minutes when the guilty payback lasts 5 weeks and nothing changes

But, observing your latest outburst, I derive a real satisfaction knowing it was not me this time

So though your foolish bullshit spoils any teamwork, I wont lose any sleep - Because I am Being Nice