Don’t Worry About These Boring Facts

It’s OK...You can stay fixed solely upon unemployment, GDP, gun control, abortion and your next eGizmo

You needn’t ever ponder upon the fact that each gallon of gas you waste produces 19 pounds of CO2

Not to worry that NASA predicts irreversible collapse and the NSF warns of dire climate changes

Don’t be concerned that 80 thousand acres of rainforest and 135 species disappear, every single day

Your Timmie likely isn’t among the 535k American kids aged 1-5 who has brain-destroying lead levels

Forget about the fact that soil erosion from careless corporate farming costs $37.6 billion per year

That your kids rank 21^st out of 23 developed countries in numeracy should not cause you to lose sleep

Its just alarmism when engineers say we must spend $3.6Tr by 2020 on boring infrastructure projects

Just keep ignoring the food animal holocaust that goes on out of sight and enjoy your factory chicken

Keep on watering your lovely bluegrass since that impending water shortage surely wont affect you

You have health insurance at work so you don’t even need to think about how much that care costs

You only have a couple drinks a day so the $223.5 billion yearly toll for alcohol abuse isn’t your issue

So what if 47 million Americans are on food stamps, it’s only like 1 out of 6 of all of us, anyway

You’re barely 10-15 pounds overweight so don’t be fussing over this whatever obesity epidemic

Don’t worry cause you rarely have time to exercise – you’re part of the 80% of us who never do

Should you be concerned just cause we toss 100 billion plastic bags after one use every year? Nah.

Like you should be upset that kids spend more time with tv & smart screens than on all school stuff

The disappearance of monarch butterflies & honey bees cannot possibly have a consequence for you

In terms of your life, the fact that 21% of US adults can’t read at a 5^th grade level is quite immaterial

Just cause 97% of wacko climate scientists believe in that Global Warming scam doesn’t make it true

No need to get riled up about a little mercury from those patriotic coal-fired power plants in our fish

Don’t get upset just cause there’s all kinds of drug leftovers in our lakes, rivers and tap water, either

It’s no big deal if 36% of so-called baby-boomers now aged 55 and over have less than $10k saved up

No worries that the 14 million on disability don’t count as unemployed but cost us $260 billion a year

Look, don’t get all riled up just cause it costs $500 to get one stitch for a little cut at New York ERs

The $4-6Tr we will wind up spending on misguided MidEast crusades should not keep you up at night

Don’t stress out just because 1.372 billion people on earth must survive on less than $1 per day

After all, at least 6 out of our 7 billion own cellphones though only 4.5 billion have access to toilets

Not to sweat the 22,000 homeless kids in that greatest of all the world cities - New York, NY USA

Too bad new college grads owe $29k and 53% are unemployed or don’t need degrees for their jobs

The 40% of Americans who believe in Creationism do not pose a threat to either you or the nation

Factory fleet overfishing & bycatch kill have no connection with your taste for AllUcanEat seafood

There’s really no need to panic just cause 95% of income gains from 2009-2012 went to that top 1%

Does your 24x7 eConnected family even care that now the design of your eToys has been outsourced?

It’s probably OK that al-Qaeda isn’t almost dead but, in fact, growing from africa across to asia

What do you care if the $19B/yr ivory smuggling business blows away cute Save The Rhino campaigns And, does it really affect your family at all that the US ranks 46^th globally in freedom of the press?

Oh Yeah, It’s Gods Will All Right

"God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform."

There is a reason they walk barefoot thru muddy, trash-paved streets lugging tainted drinking water

Those devastated by huge floods can take heart knowing their suffering is all part of His greater plan

Of course there’s meaning to lives snuffed out without any dignity by failing trains, and rolling buses

Totally bereft earthquake victims can take solace in the fact that it all has a purpose and a meaning

Mothers of suicide bombers are comforted knowing their boys relax with 72 virgins “up” in paradise

The mass extinction we are causing is but a small part of the inscrutable will of our all-knowing God

Why only the greedy and sociopathic arise to lead us shall be revealed in the full richness of time

My diabetes, hypertension, atherosclerosis and COPD are but tiny pieces in an infinitely large picture

That billions must struggle just to survive on a dollar a day is but a small part of a beautiful mystery

The apparent emptiness of lives ended in filthy nursing home helplessness and fear is an illusion

Their targeting innocent schoolgirls with AK-47s and suicide vests will actually make sense in the end

There’s no need to be concerned that our ordained fruitful multiplication devastates this tiny planet

There is rhyme and reason in using bulldozers to bury mutilated corpses of the collaterally damaged

Our treating of the beasts of the fields as bulk factory raw material inputs requires no justification

Dying forests, drying rivers and spreading deserts are hints from an infinite incomprehensible wisdom

Smothering in O.D.’d vomit, cold, wet and dirty in a garbage-strewn alley is simply one isolated clue

He has led them to forsake scientific research to instead build complex, yet flawed financial scams

It’s God’s Will that his messengers on earth seduce children & perform sodomy, though both are sins

Killing for peace should not be a cause for confusion in our hearts - as will someday be made clear

Why our omnipotent God needs to test us though he already knows all results, stays beyond our grasp

We can only solve His cosmic riddle regarding our existence with a blind leap into deep religious faith

Certainly there is no need to question why He chose only us as His exceptional people on this earth

There is a hidden purpose to my watching football 16 hours a week and discussing stats another 10

He has a plan for the homeless so I ignore them daily and besides, I tithe weekly at my mega-church

God won’t command me to recycle and Jesus never preached of lowering consumption or energy use

Meddling with divine climate change is actually an act of human arrogance, far too full of our hubris

He commands we topple evil regimes which are actually the bedeviled client states of His false gods

It’s God’s will that those recruiting suicide bombers remain alive to gather new martyrs for His glory

Don’t fret over why my child chews lead-based paint chips while yours lives 99.9% bacteria free

There’s a far deeper meaning to blowing up occupied girls schools than it is now ours to be privy to

Mother’s lying senseless in her own wastes for many years of dementia must not sway our deep faith

With His silent pre-approval they scan our vapid tweets, texts, emails, cell calls and facebook posts

Under his plan I segued seamlessly from unemployment to disability and thence to my social security

That He chose lives of ignorance, poverty and suffering for them but not me is not mere random fate

So you see, we don’t have to ask why we alone are the entitled and exceptionist people of this world

We can sleep peacefully knowing that it’s all simply a small part of God’s perfect and mysterious plan

It Aint Always Easy Ta Ignore Them Socshylists

You dont just jump inta like editorials or them op-eds after readin only fastfood menus fer years

Not gonna go dumbass exercisin ever day cuz its sweaty, boring and I aint got the time ta waste on it

They’re sayin my tastes will change from bacon & cheese to brocolli & tofu, but I sure aint seein that

It aint easy ta accept any doubt in my life after christ has answered everona my questions fer so long

Not at all convinced I shud give up my ramtuf Hemi fa them elitist global warmin conspiracy mongers

They just don’t get that if we all carried weapons we could end ever shootin rampage real quick

We’re just tryin ta get by, but their job-killing socialist agenda is costin us all ahole lotta money

Caint even swaller their lies about the st00pid school test scoresa them whatever roomanian loosers

We sure do deserve some real relief from them defraudin credit card and lyin homeloan companies

I gotta struggle jest ta keep my head straight what with bein insida this vast liberal media centrifuge

Tryin ta save fer our golden years, but with 0% inerest on savins we figgered gold was the way to go

We got problems with government sniffin our tweets but god is welcome to our innermost thoughts

It wadnt easy ta balance work and family life so now I’m tempin and livin in another blended family

It really hurts fallin outta the middle class - lucky we still got 3 credit cards ta keep the dream alive

It’s gettin so a guy caint hardly afford jetskis, snowmachines, harleys or a new pickup ever 2 years

Theyre still buggin us ta recicle but that aint eny parta my pursuita happiness or personal freedom

Nope, cant get them dirty Arabs ta see the truthta them Traditional Family Values that we export

You ever try ta lose weight, lower yer bloodpressure, watch the sugar and yer colesteral all at onct?

Its difficult ta bloom under the weighta that failed socialist agenda they keep shovelin up ontoppa us

It aint easy ta watch em smother our heroic enterpeenurs under ever more taxes and fool regelations

Cant even find a decent barista job much less start payin off my mountain of worthless college loans

Its getting harder ta realize our divinely-granted exceptionist role given our ongoing economic woes

Strugglin ta hold out til the good new jobs they promised us when they outsourced us finally get here

It’s tuf ta get Disability after yer Unemployment runs out and you still got 15 years til Social Security

It aint easy ta find time ta cook family meals so we mostly set down ta Mac&Cheese or MickieD’s

Tryin ta push back on the moochers who got so badly addicted ta them corrupt socialist entitlements

Keepin up with the $350/mo fer cable, cell & internet is still hard even without eye & dental care

How you think it feels ta not have the caish ta fix the new ATV my kid smashed up last summer?

We’re swimmin real hard against a flooda muddy propaganda from the leftwing fakenews conspiracy

Yessir, we’re strugglin heroically against those tryin ta rob us of our sacred right ta bear firearms

Havin ta fight hard everday ta stay fer free in our unfairly underwater home…fer the last 3½ years!

Its getting more difficult ta blow off alla them untruths regardin overeatin, drinkin and couch surfin

Havin ta ignore more and more dumbass internationalist liars regardin our falling standarda living

How’d u lieta hafta look at yer once little darlins layin round covered with creepy tattoos & piercins?

Its like a full time job ta juggle credit card balances around sos ya pay under 30% inerest ever month

It aint easy ta keep stoppin ta smell them roses while still goin fer the gusto and like livin fer taday

Vapidly Miraculous Despoilers

    “We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think that it is forever.” – Carl Sagan

100 trillion living cells in every amazing human body but he’s fixated on beer and next Friday night

Beautiful clouds and unimaginably faroff stars overhead yet shes focuses strictly on how fat she looks

There’s this gentle rain on a velvet night and we just squawk over some vapid reality show or another

That wondrous clotting cascade stops our bleeding, even as we suffocate in a sea of puerile tweets

That bio-electro cardiac miracle sustains us, though we mindlessly clog it with a factory food sludge

A marvel of evolutionary adaptation attending only to his clean pickup, upskirts and getting off work

Billions of neuronal connections process football gangstas in sexy tights smashing into each other

Our most gifted toiling only to create new methods of mass destruction for the inevitable next war

Esteemed and honored legislators blindly minding voter polls as they sales-emote canned soundbites

The Best and Brightest self-reduced to ginning complex but flawed algorithms for greedy bankers

Working and scheming 80 hours a week just to leverage an even more hyper-ostentatious McMansion

The incredible tech that forces long lives of exemplary courage upon those otherwise already dead

That gruesomely fascinating Gulf dead spot the size of Massachusetts at the anus we call NewOrleans

Pondering the incredible high-speed tech that allows us to stream kitty videos in HD - as we drive

The wonder of our 250 cable satellite channels out of which 2 blare 24x7 at nobody, for $200/month

There’s that new hi-tech surgical procedure that added several weeks to Mom’s life for only $196,500

Behold vast, complex conglomerates: Laser-focused on more profitably pushing sugar, fat and salt

As we destroy natural systems making life possible, we obsess over immaterial & petty social issues

Physicists sense 14 billion y/o events as we cling to the faded, dusty frills of long irrelevant religions

Millions of drunken sperm pursue another unwed teen’s miracle egg into multi-generational poverty

Hot wind wastes a momentary rainbow of million year old fossil water over BigAg GMO crop circles

Small brown men with large chainsaws deconstruct the climax rain forest, one ancient tree at a time

Unforeseen and toxic reactions amongst thousands of industrial chemicals occur – Inside our bodies

Meticulous and understated scientific research is satirically dismissed by amoral industry lobbyists

A massively-expensive creative force exists to push 10 mpg Ram Tough Hemis on apartment cowboys

Lawyers spend years mastering legal intricacies merely to act as parasites fighting over injured hosts

The state of the entire planet and its people simplified to poorly-estimated GDP & unemployment %s

The wonderwork of cosmology overshadowed by dusty and archaic religions based upon stale dogmas

Metaphysics ground and chunked into greasy 140 character bites, all of a wet pet food consistency

Spinning with the earth, orbiting the sun around the Milky Way, but dwelling only upon office slights

Adroitly and constantly ignoring the onrushing eternal and infinite void to which we all must return

Happily parroting movie lines, ad jingles and sports stats to each other to cover the terrifying silence

Cloaked in chinese cosmetics and clothes, her carefully died blond life justifies our boys sacrifices

Remote sensing comfort or profit, these marvels of evolutionary success roam the suburban steppes

Rainbow-hued pools of toxic chemicals hypnotize passing children, safe in their mother’s SUV pouch

The vapid tries to smother the wondrous, striving to defy the cosmos: With a loud & proud ignorance

That Whatever Nonsense Recompense

    That which compensates for an injury…

Useless desert fish, tiny spotted owls and ugly boreal toads wont be winning any damages, not ever

For courts have held that jobs and money trump the natural infrastructure that allows both to exist

Thus, nobody will be liable for the wonderful progress that has made our fair land what it is today

So plead not for a false recompense from those who act as his His divinely-ordained good stewar

***

They caint hold me responsible fer the filthiness of the rivers so briefly at His profit-minded mercy

Jesus aint gonna turn us away from them pearly gates fer like envirmental degredation, ya know

I don’t need no liability insurance ta exercise my god-given right tatha pursuita individyul happiness

They caint ever come after me fer carin more about my pickup than their wack sustainabilly crack

No sir, wild animals got no more justice comin than such as our cow, pig and chicken factory inputs

Nobodys gettin in any trouble fer spendin years glued ta good old foopbawl on the latest bigscreen

Theys no punisment comin cause you ran up a miyon$ charge fer fastfood hypertension and diabetus

You wont havta pay fer the damage and injury ur drug habits didta ur fatherless, bred-fer-prison kids

You wont be getting billed fer overfertilizin or mixin toxics with reciclables in ur overflowin trash can

Stay kickd back in ur exceptionist easy chair cause ur already pre-approved fer a good seat in heaven

Relax, polar bears aint bringin no class action suits and nobody’s goin ta jail fer lame climate change

We aint grantin slum kids no miyons fer they smog-induced asthma and lead-caused brain damage

All them extermenated indians aint gettin nothin just cuz they got up in the waya r manyfest destiny

And them jews’ll just be lucky if they dont get turned on fer like the 50^th time, again, real soon now

Them too weak ta raise they voices will be heaped higher wif injusteces, on out to the event horizon

We gotta keep movin forward so you wont see no disgraced former leaders ever brought to justice

Dyin butterflies and bees aint got no public defenders or prosecutin attorneys overta ther side

Wont be no disaster aid comin toanya god’s cretures who lost ther homes on them dyin coral reefs

Who you gonna petition fer relief from the vast swarmsa precious humans just wantin the good life?

Nobody’s liable fer destroyin that livin envirnment that makes alla r triviel pursuts even possible

No patriotic cleancoal lobbyist’ll be fined fer workin hard ta save traditional families jobs and money

Wont nobody be sued when ther aint no more fossil water left tabe sucked outta them aqwefers

Thaint no fund set aside ta compensate the future fer our wasteful and arrogantly-willful destruction

Aint gonna be no class action suits on behalfa victims athat mass extinction we’re so blindly perpin

That illegal World Court cant rule that r overpopulation is the only problem that we really shud solve

Honest citizens wont be gettin no bills for soil destruction and deforestation or pesticide abuse

Nobody’s representin ocean plankton doomed to eat our microplastic litter thats fillin up they homes

Bangaledeshis wont have recourse or insurance when ther land is warshed away by risin sea levels

The gumint aint gonna pay out for lettin miyonsa lives be rooined jist ta get more alcohol tax money

Overpaid doctors wont be brought to justice fer pushing hi-tech procedures over simple pervention

Wont be no CEO bonus clawbacks fer offshorin research, production and support ta raise stock prices

& nobodys gonna bring suit aginst us on behalf of the grandkids whose lives we have impoverished

Bubba And The Beneficent Rain

There’s more mercy in a single raindrop than in all the empty sacraments any priests have ever given

But we merely see it as a nuisance that messes up our office blowdry and our new costume clothing

For, you see, the anonymous mercy of the falling rain might just spoil our venal little workaday plans

And all the unearned redemption that it brings isn’t counted among our vast and divine entitlements

We are simply unable to enjoy the security of quietly listening to gentle night rains upon our roof

No, the contentment of an all day soaking as felt by the grateful rice farmer is foreign to our lives

The beneficence of showers does not soothe those rushing about upon stressedout commuter errands

We are so very far from grasping the gratitude with which others greet the start of their monsoon

There is no connection between our 24x7 eLives and the weather, save its occasional inconvenience

The unearned grace of beneficent rains flows off our backs like the dirty-dishwater ducks that we are

Meanwhile all the poisons we so casually discard soak the earth about us in equal parts per million

But, of course, no one should worry about a dirty rain in these persistent times of economic hardship

The simple rain that bathes the soil and fills our streams is simply not on our viral hipster radar

That earthy smell off a drying field cannot move us in the fashion of one of our own merry tweets

The dirty runoff from foul alleys and sidewalks certainly does not merit our over-allocated attention

Rain just gets my car all dirty and forces me to run, unnaturally, all the way in from the parking lot

And Bubba Sez:

That whatever hydrologic cycle can’t effect me cause I drink all my water outta throwaway plastic

Hearin about droughts and shit batween country songs, I’m glad that stuff’s got nethin to do with me

At least, when it rains I don’t gotta do yardwork, so yeah, actually I guess I am like sorta grateful

But we aint doin no pagan celebrations or satanic shit like that just cause god let down a little rain

I mean look at all the mud and that filthy runoff - better bring the kids right on inside, mother

Don’t want them runnin around wet without they shirts, laughing and shinin like some kinda hindis

Oh, my god, Timmy, don’t you swalla them filthy raindrops, I already told you they’re bad for ya

Now look at ya, you’re all wet and dirty just cause you ain’t got the sense to get in out the rain

So why should we celebrate the rain that washes the stuff that caused my skin lesions into this ocean

Don’t think the fish are celebratin the oxygen-sucking algal bloom our rain-carried fertilizers create

We don’t wanna go dirtbikin if its rainin and we caint even have a barbecue picnic and drink our beer

Look, we came ta this here naturel paradise fer a well-deserved vacation so, by god it better not rain

Useless But Self-Serving Movers And Shakers

Take the man in charge of moving Krispy Kreme Doughnuts forward: In its sugar-filled, fat-laden glory

Think of the great challenges facing those climbing the sweet, black and caffeinated ladder at Coke

How do they keep their focus so sharp over at KFC, pushing the Colonels greasy pitch deep into China

Gaze upon that Captain of Industry at the helm of Frito-Lay pimping fat, sugar and salt in cellophane

How about realtors, omitting and misleading both buyers and sellers to their own greedy advantage

Or there’s always the brave Oreo management team struggling for more shelf space at kids eyelevel

Note as TooBigToFail CityBank fights for the freedom to secretly hedge against their very own funds

Observe as Dodge pushes 6 mpg Hemi Rams on not so bright yet proudly-ignorant apartment cowboys

Foreign-owned Budweiser advertises its highly-patriotic, factory-built swill as crisp and refreshing

Ya need to guzzle lotsa milk, given the unsubstantiated health claims and ignore their tortured cows

Don’t forget the $20/lb subsidized sugar and corn Honey Smacks your ad-washed kids just gotta have

Think of the TypeA execs stressing over new colors for the L’Eggs pantyhose smothering your crotch

They work hard over at Aquafina and Dasani to differentiate water for us - Using only labels and ads

Pizza Hut moves forward, shoveling more factory meat and hi-fat cheese sludge into our arteries

Smooth cosmetic surgeons tickle the middle-aged woman’s fancy with overpriced Mommy Makeovers

Admire that army of Big Tobacco lawyers that helped to push cancer sticks so profitably, for so long

Gaze upon this Nike shoe, made in the same asian sweatshop as Walmart’s but sold at 5x the price

Note how clearly they mouth Traditional Family Values™ to hide a fawning obedience to their donors

Consider how it’s our CIA spook’s patriotic duty to pruriently invade all yer privacy - in total secrecy

Think what’s in dog food imported from where they stretched their own baby formula with melamine

Then there’s that Pope, profiting on fear-driven faith with gay garb, tired dogma and stale traditions

Admire Fair and Balanced media, wildly profiting by angrily widening our people’s ideological gap

Enjoy the shit that’s so Lite and All-Natural you can feel good about being poisoned while getting fat

Honor those who provide you with spotty cell service for 200bucksa month in an airtight contract

Ignore that rich sponsors pay to spin you on only such as abortion, gun control and family values

Yes, you can! Believe in their Change - Just like alla them other greasy liars that came before them

Of course the government can’t make you eat broccoli - Even if you are already too ignorant not to

You aint payin fer obamacare but - You are paying for the moochers via your ever-higher premiums

Think of the brilliant chemists at Axe, toiling to get a hipster smell to waft from young, sweaty pits

How about those high paid lobbyists extolling Clean Coal at their expensive legislative-bribe dinners

You got Big Pharma picking and choosing which of their own paid research studies to use on the FDA

Of course Monsanto sues any soybean farmer whose crop happens to get RoundUp Ready, by accident

Look at good old Boeing artfully combining children, soft music and new bombers in institutional ads

Think you could keep a straight face pocketing your hefty bonus on higher sales athem toxic SlimJims

What a grand challenge to build a worse artery clogger than CarlsJR triple beef/bacon/cheese burger

Like us, our Olympic Unis are emblazoned ‘USA‘ on the outside but say Made In China on the inside

Hail The Anthropocene Era

Shortest geologic era on record, marked by a mass extinction due to human activity. AKA the Cretinaceous period.

Our consumer trends create market-driven conditions to which a species must either adapt: Or perish

We even act as if we can decide which life forms will survive based on whether we need or like them

Our micro-plastic litter shards have become an inert part of the food chain in every ocean on earth

And we can all ask in one talkinghead voice: What has any stinkin polarbear ever done for my family?

Our genetically-modified mono-cropped food plants drive evolution in the lifeforms we label as pests

Today, we tacitly agree that a sustainable environment is whatever remains after our latest progress

Industry assures us that we humans are immune from the otherwise toxic effects of their activities

We cannot not be constrained by divisive quarrels over irrelevant history, for we must move forward

The axiom that mere grasping self-interest optimizes everyone’s future anchors our economic beliefs

Clear skies, clean water and intact ecosystems are infinite free goods that must never be regulated

Tough pests and scraggly weeds near our fields are the new normal in plant and animal assemblages

Burying valleys in mountain-top coal mine slag merely emulates natural earthquakes and volcanoes

Dams and clearcuts select the strongest of those decimated salmon in our warmed and silted rivers

Bidding up prices on those few remaining bluefin tuna demonstrates marketplace species protection

Total species count and individual numbers decrease in direct proportion to our population increases

Extending our protection to lands, plants or animals declines with their short-term profit potential

Why, we all help alter the entire earth’s climate daily - simply by using electricity, driving and eating

And we may choose to decry, ignore, disbelieve or honor these efforts based on religion and politics

Many among us would call this era the Saviorscene as all our efforts are, of course, divinely-ordained

Habitat destruction is but one more evolutionary hurdle for the few surviving charismatic megafauna

Like a meteor strike, our population bloom stresses species - beneficially speeding up their evolution

Such as rats, cats, dogs, roaches and bedbugs profit briefly as well during our bubble-like ascendancy

Not only do we mortgage our futures but the slyest among us hedge against our very survival as well

An entitled greed is foremost among those Traditional Family Values™ that underpin our way of life

Any new chemical created may be spread freely until it’s proven to be harmful and explicitly banned

The best measure of human progress is GDP - Not biodiversity, sustainablility or habitat preservation

Modern culture venerates human life even as it destroys the very environment that makes it possible

The only necessary and sufficient condition to ensure our future is the pursuit of individual happiness

The best way to solve non-issues such as climate change is to innovate and profit from their effects

The current mass extinction is not human-caused and is just as natural as any of the previous five

A 3 ton SUV carapace is the ideal way for a human mother to shuttle her offspring about in safety

If Asians work toxic 16 hour shifts and sleep 20 to a room, clearly chickens cannot deserve too much

Blind faith in capitalism and trust in almighty God are our armor and sword in this battle for survival

Industry trade group soundbites are honest counterweights to cooked, elitist bad science research

Industrial self-regulation is the only real way to painlessly meet our Good Steward responsibilities

Know that this wondrous flowering of humanity doesn’t simply yield the seeds of its own destruction