Have A Good Day, Fearless Leader!

Maybe they’ll realize your financial expertise costs too much and earns less than dumb index funds

I hope other clients find a simple legal form on the web & save $1500 avoiding your phony services

May they back out of that big deal after discovering your greedy omissions concerning the property

With a little luck they’ll uncover another extramarital affair and finally be able to get you voted out

It could be today that the IRS ends the faith-based con with which you finance your opulent lifestyle

I ask your god that a security camera catch you lustily fondling yet another frightened new choirboy

I can only hope that one of your over-ambitious underlings will rat out your corporate connivance

It’d be so bad if more email proving you knew everything & you lied got leaked by some geeky minion

It’d be nice to hear that your spoiled kid was arrested for drugs again - despite your TV editorializing

Was cheered hearing the tale of how your son rear-ended an SUV while texting his vapid little friends

Gosh, it’s too bad that they caught you plagiarizing your speeches…but for the third time in a year?

Feel so sad that now you cant avoid the media attention you strove so hard to get, all your pushy life

Like to see another hipster snicker snarkily and walk out on your tiredly-rigged car sales charade

May your mother get into futures trading and your sister buy the funds you created to hedge against

Wish I was there when you finally realize this is The New Normal and not just The Great Recession

So sorry to hear that your vitriolic right-wing rants were the product of your addiction to pain killers

Good luck with embracing diversity through curing gays, expelling illegals and demanding voter IDs

Keep up the planet-saving work to get us all to starve locally, stop driving and not heating our homes

Sorry to hear you corrupted your latest MSProject file right before your 0s0 important status meeting

Too bad your handicapped, gay woman of color boss is just a clueless, tenured but quota-filling bytch

Its very sad that you have to work even though you have such a bad hangover after another Big Game

What a shame they know you were just lying – You did not misspeak AND you were not misunderstood

Glad to hear you lost a suit for botching a golf-hurried, Mommie Makeover that you would not refund

Congratulations on achieving stardom and then turning into a fat, perverted & bankrupt drug addict

Pity that you’re braindead after years making millions smashing into other foopbawl juicers in tights

I fondly imagine you in yer ignorant-loud, jacked-up pickup headed out to where the jobs are -Texas!

Here’s to your coveted 18-49 year olds laughingly dissing your so 20^th century attempts to court them

We anxiously await for you 1%ers to pay as high a tax rate as your disappearing middle-class footmen

I’m so sorry your proud ignorance disqualifies you for the good jobs any chinese peasant could handle

It’s such a shame that your loud, apartment cowboy lifestyle pickup got repoed: Right outside the bar

What a good feeling to see that trooper write you up after you blasted past me yelling into yr cell

Wow, so your darling little girl snuck out and got a spike put in her tongue? My heartfelt condolences

EYuck! Cant stand how your once-conceited 17 y/o blond ass turned so fat, wrinkled & sun-damaged

It was a shame that your 11 y/o boy got paralyzed driving your souped-up ATV - without any helmet

It would hurt me to hear that your disability claim was denied even tho you always voted Republican

Hope to be around when your too big to fail finally turns into too costly to bail and you go to jail

Useless But Self-Serving Movers And Shakers

Take the man in charge of moving Krispy Kreme Doughnuts forward: In its sugar-filled, fat-laden glory

Think of the great challenges facing those climbing the sweet, black and caffeinated ladder at Coke

How do they keep their focus so sharp over at KFC, pushing the Colonels greasy pitch deep into China

Gaze upon that Captain of Industry at the helm of Frito-Lay pimping fat, sugar and salt in cellophane

How about realtors, omitting and misleading both buyers and sellers to their own greedy advantage

Or there’s always the brave Oreo management team struggling for more shelf space at kids eyelevel

Note as TooBigToFail CityBank fights for the freedom to secretly hedge against their very own funds

Observe as Dodge pushes 6 mpg Hemi Rams on not so bright yet proudly-ignorant apartment cowboys

Foreign-owned Budweiser advertises its highly-patriotic, factory-built swill as crisp and refreshing

Ya need to guzzle lotsa milk, given the unsubstantiated health claims and ignore their tortured cows

Don’t forget the $20/lb subsidized sugar and corn Honey Smacks your ad-washed kids just gotta have

Think of the TypeA execs stressing over new colors for the L’Eggs pantyhose smothering your crotch

They work hard over at Aquafina and Dasani to differentiate water for us - Using only labels and ads

Pizza Hut moves forward, shoveling more factory meat and hi-fat cheese sludge into our arteries

Smooth cosmetic surgeons tickle the middle-aged woman’s fancy with overpriced Mommy Makeovers

Admire that army of Big Tobacco lawyers that helped to push cancer sticks so profitably, for so long

Gaze upon this Nike shoe, made in the same asian sweatshop as Walmart’s but sold at 5x the price

Note how clearly they mouth Traditional Family Values™ to hide a fawning obedience to their donors

Consider how it’s our CIA spook’s patriotic duty to pruriently invade all yer privacy - in total secrecy

Think what’s in dog food imported from where they stretched their own baby formula with melamine

Then there’s that Pope, profiting on fear-driven faith with gay garb, tired dogma and stale traditions

Admire Fair and Balanced media, wildly profiting by angrily widening our people’s ideological gap

Enjoy the shit that’s so Lite and All-Natural you can feel good about being poisoned while getting fat

Honor those who provide you with spotty cell service for 200bucksa month in an airtight contract

Ignore that rich sponsors pay to spin you on only such as abortion, gun control and family values

Yes, you can! Believe in their Change - Just like alla them other greasy liars that came before them

Of course the government can’t make you eat broccoli - Even if you are already too ignorant not to

You aint payin fer obamacare but - You are paying for the moochers via your ever-higher premiums

Think of the brilliant chemists at Axe, toiling to get a hipster smell to waft from young, sweaty pits

How about those high paid lobbyists extolling Clean Coal at their expensive legislative-bribe dinners

You got Big Pharma picking and choosing which of their own paid research studies to use on the FDA

Of course Monsanto sues any soybean farmer whose crop happens to get RoundUp Ready, by accident

Look at good old Boeing artfully combining children, soft music and new bombers in institutional ads

Think you could keep a straight face pocketing your hefty bonus on higher sales athem toxic SlimJims

What a grand challenge to build a worse artery clogger than CarlsJR triple beef/bacon/cheese burger

Like us, our Olympic Unis are emblazoned ‘USA‘ on the outside but say Made In China on the inside

Tao Te KaChing

 “The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao” – Lao Tsu, 600 B.C.

The Tao that can be revealed at a general shareholder meeting certainly is not the Insider Tao

The unimaginably-large and non-retractable bonus remains the source of ten thousand schemes

Never seeing the luxurious baubles of their CEO prevents confusion in the hearts of his loyal workers

The good executive is like water, assuming the shape of any corporate fishbowl in which he is placed

The CEO knows to stay behind (closed and guarded teak doors) and thus is he able to remain ahead

The sage says ‘better to stop short than fill to the brim’ and so it is with labor wages and benefits

Loudly proclaim wealth and disaster will follow, therefore float silently off neath golden parachutes

He claims absolute control over all things corporate, yet will always insist he knew of nothing illegal

Precious baubles lead the greedy CEO astray, thus must his compensation package annually increase

Subtly counseling workers to accept conditions as simple fate allows true leaders to slash benefits

Though their value cannot be seen, heard or held, wise boards bid up a CEO’s immeasurable services

They are the form of the formless and the face of the faceless – that 1% driven off behind tinted glass

The kernel of their knowledge is amorphous as the hollow of caves or the opaqueness of muddy pools

Policy prohibits them commenting on investigations but at bonus time the CEO will proclaim ‘I did it’

When media wisdom and pundit intelligence were born, then did their great pretense truly began

When the country became confused and in chaos then did these faux-loyal ministers first slither forth

Having abandoned kindness and renounced morality, they urge subordinates to filial piety and love

Following the Tao Te KaChing they know: There is no difference between Yes and No, Good and Evil

The ancients said ‘Yield and Overcome’, thus do they asskiss, backbite and shoulder-climb to the top

If heaven and earth cannot make things eternal the CEO employs outsourcing, temping and layoffs

Boasting achieves nothing, bragging does not endure so true CEOs strive to amass a superstars wealth

Shareholders know: The four great powers of the universe are the Tao, Heaven, Earth and the Bonus

The CEO, traveling all day, does not lose sight of personal gain, despite the 10000 beautiful things

The wise CorproClone retains his early humility: In his fictionalized and ghost-written autobiography

Many mergers are hard, some may fail: Thus, the sage CEO only works under an ironclad contract

When many are terminated, he mourns as if in sorrow, eyeing his huge bonus as if at a funeral

He reports footnoted results, never boasts in public and quietly deposits what is, his life’s meaning

His perseverance is a sign of the willpower of those unable to feel rich by seeing they have enough

Descriptions of the CEO seem without substance, invisible and silent, yet his great need is palpable

Like fish which cannot leave deep waters they must remain locked behind those rich mahogany doors

Good leaders model values but managers enforce rules, so a VP only smiles as minions do his bidding

Having lost goodness, kindness and justice, they rely on ritual - that empty husk of faith and loyalty

The CEO hears of the Tao and laughs, praise be, for without laughter the Tao would not be what it is

For pursuing wealth he acquires something daily, but pursuing the Tao he would lose a thing each day

The visionary CEO knows if his workers exist on the edge they will not falsely overvalue human life

Anonymous and irresponsible they feign a sorrowful humility when exposed at last to stockholders