Miyonsa Preverted DEv8s

Them preverted dEv8s are tryin ta take over the goverment just like they rueend alla the schools

Sustainabillies buzzin with they joyless, fat-free hidden agenda all up in our faces, like filthy flies

Hideously brazen LGBTQs stalking our kids out in the streets, on TV and in they smartphones as well

Skinny vegans pushin rotten overpriced organic wedgies over good-od doublemeat bacon cheeseburgs

We're miyonsa not so bright and ignerant republicans who still refuse ta see whos pullin our strings

We even believe we’ll be back ta gettn snowmobiles, jetskis and ATVs on credit from our houses

Just talkin tax cuts, socialism and the EPA, real patriots may get enough votes to keep the 1% on top

We’ll all be drivin tough, new cheap-diesel pickups just as soon as them over-regelaturs gets flushed

Why, them bastards wanna us ta actuelly get outta our vehicles and go like walk around or somethin

Always pushin fat, incompitint, hissy, handicapped, gay, women acolor up front fer them permotions

Wantin to scam us on they overpriced whatever artisun bread, shade coffee, frinch cheese and shit

Seen their goddam squirrelly talk shows before, goin way too detailed and not even raisin ther voices

We stand by our coal-fired thermostats in this righteous war against that costly climate change fraud

Locked onto the Fair and Balanced for guidance thru this vast and tricky liberal media conspirecy

Damn straight that Endangered Species Act has got to go – right along with that unholy, jobkillin EPA

WTF has that overreachin Clean Water Act ever done cept to cost us all abuncha jobs and money?

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Those lame apartment pickup truck cowboys can’t know how good it feels to go hybrid hyper-miling

Why can’t they see they’re killin their kids with candybars, tube steaks, cheetos and Mountain Dew?

They just keep beggin for more money for so-called dEfense while we’re flyin off that fiscal cliff

Guess they’re OK with making less every year and with more tax cuts for the 1% who offshored them

They actually believe that taxing the rich will ruin their own vapid negative savings rate lifestyles

Think that going for free to the ER is what ThE world’s finest healthcare system is really all about

Not afraid of diabetes, high blood pressure or cholesterol, heart disease or obesity, not one damn bit

Expressing true freedom and liberty by waddling about in their lameass fat pickups and giant SUVs

Simply refuse to see how blindly promoting gay, handicapped, female humans of color benefits us all

The rich need their votes but know that they’re really all trapped in that entitlement mentality

Paying $350/mo for phone, internet and HDTV is what it is for the privilege of being an American

But just how do they figure that carrying 27% interest balances on 5 credit cards is prudent finance?

Must fix the deficit but, for the love of god, Don’t touch our social security, medicaid or raise taxes!

And of course we must rebuild our crippled military, why, that’s one thing Everbody can agree on

So, yeah, if they’re too stupid to be eating broccoli already, there’s no point in forcing it down them

They think it’s not fair to pay taxes on the money saved via foreclosure, because they’re still broke

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If you ax me, everbudy needs ta be armed at all times ta put a real quick stop to them cereal killers

The only diet we found that really works is to binge and scratch on Meth til hour teeth turn black

Energy independence means wearin shorts all winter and idlin our P/Us 20 minutes ta warm em up

So, who is it that really profits from our ignorance AND convinces us ta be so damn proud of it?

Gimme That Good Old Red Meat - Cheap!

Hell, after all, “They're only animals”

Them vegans make me laugh, always whinin about some food animal holocaust goin on all around us

I jest ignore tales of atrocities committed on the spicy buffalo wings I suck down with good cold beer

Whatever antibiotic overuse dont really breed whatever resistant bacteria thats gonna get insida me

Why, I never even notice them smelly trucks goin by crammed with cattle shittin in each others faces

I say let the market decide how to handle em sos to put the cheapest meat on our good family tables

I don’t ever think about chicks confined to tiny, no-turn-around spaces pecking at each other’s faces

Hey, I’m OK ignoring highly automated mass production of inferior, food-grade life forms…fer profit

Look, if Chinese peasants work 16 hrs/day and sleep 20 to a room, why should piglets giteny better?

Aint listening ta their blatherin bout 3000 cows releasing the untreated shit ofa halfa-miyon people

Its not my problem if farms squeezed by Tyson choke Chesapeake oysters in untreated chicken crap

I support freedom-loving ranchers overgrazing, trampling and shitting in streams on our federal lands

And we must control any predators threatening their ruggedly-independent, gov’t-subsidized lifestyle

Just hush your fool squallin bout torturin them herd animals with an efficient solitary confinement

And stop promotin some fictional terror driving them thru dark lines at them bloody slaughterhouses

We’ll take our meat plastic-packaged and quite as unemotional as our Doritos, Thank you very much

Not interested in pichers athem layin in toxic muck in feedlots, Hey, they dont even know any better

Cost accountants and production engineers kin make the morally-right husbandry decisions fer us all

And our kids love squeezing extruded hamburg outta plastic cylinders lubricated with that pink slime

We laugh at the stupid lie that feedlot practices make our juicy grilled steaks wicked-carcinogenic

Hey, I aint looking at their faces! I just pick out their packaged parts in bright, clean, friendly stores

Simply refuse ta hear lame rants about red meat and nitrates causing all like heart attacks and shit

Really enjoy reaching for a good old doublemeat, bacon cheeseburger from my truck at the drivethru

Not concerned with the raw materials, but I do keep a close eye on the pricea finished meat goods

Meat’s just a part of our divinely-ordained dominion over this wonerful world He created jest fer us

Anyways, dumb animals have neither soul nor reason and they don’t feel pain, much less emotions

So, gahead - Truck them factory inputs around jest like theyas lumber, gas, beer or chinese drywall

After all, we been enjoyin meat for miyons ayears, we still need it to survive and we need it cheap

Ya know, them steers ain’t our kids pet dogs or something and it aint at all like damn cannibalism

I say ‘Out of Sight and Out of Mind’ until I get em up and sizzling on my $1500 backyard barbecue

See, the thoughts of real men don’t include nethin regardin the dignity and emotional needsa hawgs

An I’m sickta death athem elitist lies about sausage, bacon, salami and hotdogs rottin out my colun

Were bein good stewards: after all, we manage their lives from birth decon to slaugherhouse disposal

Look, I just gotta have some juicy red meat at least twice a day or my feminine side starts to emerge

And how can my boys grow up ta kill or be killed if I feed em that pusy damn tofu and soft white rice

I could care if they fatten cows on grain we could eat but they caint digest and then need more drugs

Intermsa meat, the Wal*Mart price philosophy does the trick fer us good traditional working families