Look,
we got good old red meat on the grill, a sixpack in the fridge and
the NFL live on the bigscreen
So,
despite ther BS studies, This here is still ThE best
place in ThE world ta be so blessed ta live in
Our
divinely-granted exceptionist role demands us ta ignore them
soverenty-stealers overta that UN
I
mean check out my
new pickup and then how all the rest of them like somalis go
grubbin around
Acourse
we got the best damn roads in the world and the tufest trucks ta
conquer allathem potholes
Check
out our monster military which’d just crush whatever ferin hordes
that’d ever dare ta defy us
Take
a look at these special
children we’re groomin ta take our places as tomorra’s global
leaders -
Alla
them lying elitist media satistics tossed aside, our kids are
still ThE worlds Best and Brightest
We
got all them squirrelly, vegan, socialist traitors cornered over ta
NPR - which we’ll shortly abolish
Hey,
I’m proud ta declare that cheap, coalfired A/C works perfect on
everonathem recerd hot days
Don’t
give a shit if they say them germans got solar and the highest
skyscrapers are bein built in asia
Why,
they’ll all just collapse back inta commonist stone age onct
we cut off all that wasted ferin aid
Jealous
of our incredible progress, they wanna hobble us with bogus hoaxes
like that global warmin
Believe
me, we don’t just shout ‘God
Bless America’ fer nethin, We know that He will, and,
Everday
Yeah,
and this here is ThE richest nation in the world despite alla
that elitist fake resurch news crap
OK,
tell me this: Where else can you back up your religious freedom with
a concealed assault weapon?
We’ll
get gas back ta $2.00 soonas we dump them unconstetutional,
job-killin EPA drillin regelations
Sure
we got our problems, but at least We can already speak
English, as godfearin folks was intended
Where
else you gonna get a new SUV no-money-down and drivethru for a triple
bacon cheeseburger
Wont
stand for no grandmaw-killin euro-style death panels corruptin ThE
worlds finest health system
We
don’t need no high-speed rail, that’s namely one more example of
yer intrusive socialist nannyin
Hey
frenchies! Keep yer stoopid millametrs cuz we aint intersted in no DC
lectric, thanks fer nethin!
Got
ThE finest, freest fastfood system ever seen and it keeps down
food prices fer the poor real well
No
sir, here we dont let em tell us to eat tofu and ther naggin
tirades about exercisin caint scare us
And,
our sacrid constitution prohibits them forcin us into that lameass
reciclin BS without payin up
We
increase our diabetes, hypertension and heart disease at rates that
keep asians
playin catchup
We’re
just about ta get them good
new jobsa tomorrow we was promised when they offshored us all
Our
financial system is the envy of the world so we protect that it stays
too big to fail, or even slip
Just
sos you know, Our constitution was pretty much handed
down like moses got them stone tablets
Yet
elitist conspirators keep lying about crap like infant mortality,
life expectancy and literacy rates
But
it’s our boys who shoulder the world’s burden of fightin
em over there and not here at home
Our
farmers feed the planet using giant tractors, fossil water, and the
latest in GMOs and pesticides
And
who provides the world with music and movie entertainment? It sure
aint them Bollywood hindis
Why
even peasants who dont have clean drinkin water can always get a Coke
in nonrecyclable plastic
And
that Marlboro Man of ours rides real tall on all them open ranges
from Mongolia overta Patagonia
This
here is still ThE greatest country on earth and we sure
dont need no junk science ta prove it
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