Forgotten First Responders And Stressed Citizenry

I got stuck in some stupid accident traffic jam, had to call in late and so I missed our big meeting

Jelly-rolled an unconscious 330 pound guy out of the twisted wreckage of his shiny, giant pickup

Spilled some coffee on my tie and got so-stressed-out trying to clean it before the customers arrived

Did CPR on a poor little old lady for 20 minutes til she coded – I got so tired I thought it was me dying

Had to walk thru wind & rain all the way from the parking lot and my hair got all wet and messed up

Got face to face with a girl having problems breathing and we found out later we all need TB tests

Hung around work an extra hour again and the wife was mad cause I was late for dinner, once more

Today started 48 hours ago and we had calls throughout both nights but I’ve just got to stay sharp

Suffered thru conference calls all morning - sipping lattes and twerking with my phone

Ground my teeth with every step due to the unremitting pain from my job-induced back injuries

Had trouble getting fired up by our new strategic vision given the clear meaninglessness of our goals

Actually helped out a person during one of the worst days of their life, once again today…

Updated my lame project status, ate customer lunch leftovers & then ducked out 15 minutes early

Repeatedly sterilized the blood and vomit filling our ‘office’ to make way for the next unfortunate

Had to run a couple errands at lunch and was nearly deafened by those stupid sirens

Smacked a tortilla grease apartment fire in the mouth before it could engulf the 15 1-Bdr occupants

Got in a nice nap pretending to studiously ponder a Gannt chart during the after-lunch Sominex hour

Loudly toned out to a possible gas smell at 3AM just after I had managed to finally fall asleep again

Spent an hour piddling with paying off my maxed credit card using my 401K - on company time

Remained thankful I had these 3 jobs I work 96 hours a week that almost keep us in the middle class

Spent the evening enjoying the faux-luxury of my over-leveraged McMansion - by drinking heavily

Shared quarters with the 20 somethings playing videos & games all nite while I worried about my kids

Went straight to my manager when a co-worker got a newer and nicer office chair than mine

Wondered why everybody said they admired what we do, but why we can never find enough medics

Adroitly maneuvered responsibility (and blame) onto another old contractor nobody really liked

Got puked on by that hairy homeless frequent flyer drunk who always smells so badly of urine

Won big at video poker for the entire duration of that urgent project all-hands video conference call

Remembered too late that I had ignored a text from my kid just as we arrived on one more scene

Almost tripped over some useless begging moocher panhandling in front of the office building

Don’t wonder anymore why somebody in so much pain would explicitly beg just for hydrocodone

My poor feet got really sore from wearing those high-heels all day, once again

My body doesn’t know when it’s time to sleep anymore so I just roll with extreme energy drinks 24x7

Had to have whiskeys with the boys to cut the incredible stress of working in the finance industry

Learned that another burned out co-worker took a better-paying days only job in customer support

Was presented a lunch coupon for work on another useless, late, over-budget & incomplete project

Got a nice card from a family I couldn’t remember who we had extricated from a smashedup minivan

Oh Yeah, It’s Gods Will All Right

"God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform."

There is a reason they walk barefoot thru muddy, trash-paved streets lugging tainted drinking water

Those devastated by huge floods can take heart knowing their suffering is all part of His greater plan

Of course there’s meaning to lives snuffed out without any dignity by failing trains, and rolling buses

Totally bereft earthquake victims can take solace in the fact that it all has a purpose and a meaning

Mothers of suicide bombers are comforted knowing their boys relax with 72 virgins “up” in paradise

The mass extinction we are causing is but a small part of the inscrutable will of our all-knowing God

Why only the greedy and sociopathic arise to lead us shall be revealed in the full richness of time

My diabetes, hypertension, atherosclerosis and COPD are but tiny pieces in an infinitely large picture

That billions must struggle just to survive on a dollar a day is but a small part of a beautiful mystery

The apparent emptiness of lives ended in filthy nursing home helplessness and fear is an illusion

Their targeting innocent schoolgirls with AK-47s and suicide vests will actually make sense in the end

There’s no need to be concerned that our ordained fruitful multiplication devastates this tiny planet

There is rhyme and reason in using bulldozers to bury mutilated corpses of the collaterally damaged

Our treating of the beasts of the fields as bulk factory raw material inputs requires no justification

Dying forests, drying rivers and spreading deserts are hints from an infinite incomprehensible wisdom

Smothering in O.D.’d vomit, cold, wet and dirty in a garbage-strewn alley is simply one isolated clue

He has led them to forsake scientific research to instead build complex, yet flawed financial scams

It’s God’s Will that his messengers on earth seduce children & perform sodomy, though both are sins

Killing for peace should not be a cause for confusion in our hearts - as will someday be made clear

Why our omnipotent God needs to test us though he already knows all results, stays beyond our grasp

We can only solve His cosmic riddle regarding our existence with a blind leap into deep religious faith

Certainly there is no need to question why He chose only us as His exceptional people on this earth

There is a hidden purpose to my watching football 16 hours a week and discussing stats another 10

He has a plan for the homeless so I ignore them daily and besides, I tithe weekly at my mega-church

God won’t command me to recycle and Jesus never preached of lowering consumption or energy use

Meddling with divine climate change is actually an act of human arrogance, far too full of our hubris

He commands we topple evil regimes which are actually the bedeviled client states of His false gods

It’s God’s will that those recruiting suicide bombers remain alive to gather new martyrs for His glory

Don’t fret over why my child chews lead-based paint chips while yours lives 99.9% bacteria free

There’s a far deeper meaning to blowing up occupied girls schools than it is now ours to be privy to

Mother’s lying senseless in her own wastes for many years of dementia must not sway our deep faith

With His silent pre-approval they scan our vapid tweets, texts, emails, cell calls and facebook posts

Under his plan I segued seamlessly from unemployment to disability and thence to my social security

That He chose lives of ignorance, poverty and suffering for them but not me is not mere random fate

So you see, we don’t have to ask why we alone are the entitled and exceptionist people of this world

We can sleep peacefully knowing that it’s all simply a small part of God’s perfect and mysterious plan

Wrong But Real, Right But Imaginary

No one should perish in shocking and horrible trauma but, realistically, that will never stop occurring

Lives of exemplary sacrifice must certainly find their reward, but throughout history, they have not

We seem genetically programmed to make sense of things tho far too often there is none to be found

Cruel dictators should justly be punished in the end, but mostly they die peacefully, in their sleep

Keepers of the true faith should not be financially and sexually corrupt, but that will never change

We put off many things until we have more time but, guess what: They will remain forever undone

No innocent child should suffer cruelly from a malignancy, but it is statistically certain that she will

It seems like all men should be created equal yet it will always be, but for His grace that, There I go

Its unquestionably wrong that our seniors are targeted for scams but someone’s always ready to do it

Clearly those who take care of themselves should enjoy long healthy lives, yet often they die young

Our minds evolved to seek reason and meaning in all events, but then god works in mysterious ways…

Corporate success should require higher moral standards, but most top CEOs are empty sociopaths

Those in positions of trust and control must never violate their charges, yet it only happens every day

No one denies that the elderly should be stores of wisdom but we simply discard them as irrelevant

It’s not right for us to mortgage our children’s futures on temporary pleasures but we just can’t stop

The rich should find comfort in their wealth, but only getting richer satisfies them – and just briefly

You shouldn’t treat your mother and sisters as saints and all other women as whores, but you do!

Certainly virtue must be its own reward but all too often that reward is simply poverty and scorn

Amoral greed should not be a prerequisite to financial success, but you need only look up the ladder

Years of allegiance to some sports franchise should be rewarded by a championship: That was a joke

Good products should not require lies and exaggeration to sell but since everybody else does it…

Assuredly lives of pious and long-suffering poverty yield a place in God’s house. Right...sure they do

Darling little boys would never torture kittens but guess what…they also mature into mass shooters

Noble scientists do not fudge data or results but BigPharma studies are quite often rigged in advance

Banks shouldnt hedge against deliberately bad funds they sell to their clients, but they’ll do it again

Happiness should be independent of phony marketing media stereotypes but, sadly for us, it is not

Religion should never be used to rationalize hatred and violence, however, that’s what they all do

The rains should come and the snows should fall but depressingly, now we see it’s not true anymore

Hungry gold miners should never poison the land with mercury but still...It is the cheapest way

Newborn fawns should get a chance to get on their feet, yet if a predator should see them…

Bankruptcy must not be a way to more easy credit but just take a look at your moocher neighbors

We like to think we’ll live happily ever after but often we die very soon after our forced retirement

It’s not fair that women cannot preach while abstinent priests enjoy each other and their choir boys

The blessed free market should prevent demand-driven extinctions but instead that’s what it fosters

You should have time for the important things you’ve always put off but most die senile and drugged

The evil and immoral is often the reality while the moral, good and right is just a snowflake’s tale

Vapidly Miraculous Despoilers

    “We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think that it is forever.” – Carl Sagan

100 trillion living cells in every amazing human body but he’s fixated on beer and next Friday night

Beautiful clouds and unimaginably faroff stars overhead yet shes focuses strictly on how fat she looks

There’s this gentle rain on a velvet night and we just squawk over some vapid reality show or another

That wondrous clotting cascade stops our bleeding, even as we suffocate in a sea of puerile tweets

That bio-electro cardiac miracle sustains us, though we mindlessly clog it with a factory food sludge

A marvel of evolutionary adaptation attending only to his clean pickup, upskirts and getting off work

Billions of neuronal connections process football gangstas in sexy tights smashing into each other

Our most gifted toiling only to create new methods of mass destruction for the inevitable next war

Esteemed and honored legislators blindly minding voter polls as they sales-emote canned soundbites

The Best and Brightest self-reduced to ginning complex but flawed algorithms for greedy bankers

Working and scheming 80 hours a week just to leverage an even more hyper-ostentatious McMansion

The incredible tech that forces long lives of exemplary courage upon those otherwise already dead

That gruesomely fascinating Gulf dead spot the size of Massachusetts at the anus we call NewOrleans

Pondering the incredible high-speed tech that allows us to stream kitty videos in HD - as we drive

The wonder of our 250 cable satellite channels out of which 2 blare 24x7 at nobody, for $200/month

There’s that new hi-tech surgical procedure that added several weeks to Mom’s life for only $196,500

Behold vast, complex conglomerates: Laser-focused on more profitably pushing sugar, fat and salt

As we destroy natural systems making life possible, we obsess over immaterial & petty social issues

Physicists sense 14 billion y/o events as we cling to the faded, dusty frills of long irrelevant religions

Millions of drunken sperm pursue another unwed teen’s miracle egg into multi-generational poverty

Hot wind wastes a momentary rainbow of million year old fossil water over BigAg GMO crop circles

Small brown men with large chainsaws deconstruct the climax rain forest, one ancient tree at a time

Unforeseen and toxic reactions amongst thousands of industrial chemicals occur – Inside our bodies

Meticulous and understated scientific research is satirically dismissed by amoral industry lobbyists

A massively-expensive creative force exists to push 10 mpg Ram Tough Hemis on apartment cowboys

Lawyers spend years mastering legal intricacies merely to act as parasites fighting over injured hosts

The state of the entire planet and its people simplified to poorly-estimated GDP & unemployment %s

The wonderwork of cosmology overshadowed by dusty and archaic religions based upon stale dogmas

Metaphysics ground and chunked into greasy 140 character bites, all of a wet pet food consistency

Spinning with the earth, orbiting the sun around the Milky Way, but dwelling only upon office slights

Adroitly and constantly ignoring the onrushing eternal and infinite void to which we all must return

Happily parroting movie lines, ad jingles and sports stats to each other to cover the terrifying silence

Cloaked in chinese cosmetics and clothes, her carefully died blond life justifies our boys sacrifices

Remote sensing comfort or profit, these marvels of evolutionary success roam the suburban steppes

Rainbow-hued pools of toxic chemicals hypnotize passing children, safe in their mother’s SUV pouch

The vapid tries to smother the wondrous, striving to defy the cosmos: With a loud & proud ignorance

Look, All Men Are Created Equal, Really.

We hold this <unsubstantiated> truth to be self-evident…

I am of those tangled family lines raised in public housing by a single parent for some 5 generations

My parents lay in bed reading child-raising books and playing Mozart to me - inside mommy’s womb

My mom didn’t know she was pregnant or cut back on partAing until I was 4 months inside her tummy

Mommie took vitamin and nutritional supplements, had lots of ultrasounds and walked on a treadmill

My dad smacked the shit right out my momma and lefup outta here before I ever seen him

My parents took birthing classes together before I was ever conceived

Cigarettes helped my mother relieve her sufferings from withdrawal during my fetal development

She always killed 99.97% of all the germs in our safe and lovely suburban home

The teachers could see that I was doomed to failure from my earliest school days, so they ignored me

Everyone always assured my family that I certainly was an especially gifted and high-achieving child

I amused my growing brain by peeling off flakes of lead-filled paint to chew upon

I had so much warmth and stimulation that it appeared to them that I grew wise before my years

We got our nutrition from government programs that paid for us to eat from cans and cellophane

My developing mind and body were nurtured by the very best in current pop science nutrition wisdom

I had project TVs and boomboxes pumping rap and ad music into my crib 24x7 that got me my rhythm

My mom drove me to pre-kindergarten classes and play dates starting before I was 3

I was shuffled in with my drunk grannie by social services when mom lost our welfare apartment

I was surrounded and nurtured by grandparents, uncles and aunts all the days of my childhood

Nobody even noticed I needed glasses til I accidentally got my first eye test one day in the 5^th grade

Mom kept me strictly to the various meds they prescribed for the tragic ADHD masking my brilliance

I was chauffeured to all kinds of lessons and sports activities every day after school and all weekend

I learned independence being a latchkey kid whose only parent was off hoin fuh hart drugs

Everyone assured my folks from the very beginning that I would attend a very good college

School stopped working for me once I got pregnant for the first time, in the 9^th grade

I had a pet dog named Tuffie that I still miss to this day

I grew up with rats, roaches, lice, scabies and bedbugs as well as asthma

My slightly crooked smile was repaired for less than $5000

My teeth were soaked in sugar until they all rotted and simply fell out before I ever saw a dentist

We flew off to pricey destinations for all our well-deserved spring, summer and holiday breaks

We stole a car and took a joyride way out to where everbody knew we dinaha no biness

I occasionally mowed our perfectly green lawn for an extra $150 a month spending allowance

They showed me how ta make money carryin bags of whatever stuff around fa them

Now I have these allergies and auto-immune disorders and they say it’s cause I never got dirty

Shivved an enemy banger in a prison fight who turned out to be some uncle I neva even knew I hat

Spent 6 years part-Aing to get my degree in Communications and then became this chatty barista

Don’t run the screets nomo cause these bullet wounds left me all limpin an huffin like some old fool

I Have A Nightmare

"Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!" – MLK, “I have a dream”, 8/28/63.

I saw the few of us still remaining struggle uselessly, yet in total savagery over spoiled foodstuffs

I realized they were free at last of oppressive government oversight - as well as any yoke of morality

Freed they were - from concerns over mass extinctions, global warming and their own toxic emissions

No longer did they need to ignore elevated blood pressure, weight, blood sugar and cholesterol

Not just all the free healthcare and abortion clinics, but ALL of the clinics and hospitals were closed

There was no more Monday Nite Football and nobody would ever commute angrily back to work again

I watched them lovingly exact the violent vengeance that their society had so long denied them

Laughed hysterically as fictional climate change somehow made their exceptionist land uninhabitable

Found that the best survival strategy for the kids was to combine a loud violence with selfishness

No longer did folks need to choose between poisoned factory produce and costly but wilted organics

And no one questioned their sacred right to bear arms since they were so often taking sniper fire

Found the vast number of now-useless and abandoned fossil fuel vehicles to be strangely disquieting

Saw how women caught out alone became the legitimate target of gang rape and brutal violence

Strangers were shot on sight or forced into cruel slavery without any questions or any legal recourse

Useless skills such as reading and writing were forgotten except by those called on to read the bible

Obesity and lifestyle ills quickly disappeared in peoples whose average life expectancy was only 31

The old, infirm and sick all died at their natural pace without more than familial concern for care

Vast poisoned agribusiness regions left untended, ever so slowly regained a pre-industrial state

Diptheria, rheumatic fever, measles returned to claim many kids who had even survived childbirth

Toilet tissue became but a cultural memory that turned into a fanciful legend in a single generation

I have a nightmare where vast numbers of our obese and ignorant populace simply disappear at once

Gays retreated back to the closet or were killed and abortion was performed only with boot heels

The wounded and handicapped were left behind with a bit of food and a small plastic jug of water

They carried tattered flags about until they all fell to pieces, and no more ever arrived from China

They finally did reduce, refurbish, repurpose and recycle, but only out of hungry stone age necessity

Despite our destructive habits, the earth gradually recovered thanks to our huge population decrease

After the entitlements ended, torches and pitchforks rooted out quivering executives and politicians

Greenhouse emissions finally cratered when all the power plants and refineries were abandoned

No longer were we agitated by unmuffled pickups, jetskis, snowmachines, ATVs, dirtbikes and sirens

Factory fishing ceased quite suddenly and devastated ocean stocks at last began slowly to recover

Prices for bluefin tuna and elephant ivory bottomed with no elite class to sustain that vanity demand

Hot water was only available if boiled over an open fire and kids speculated about electrical outlets

Half-wild dogs and open firepits once again became of utmost importance to our very survival

Unconstitutional taxes were replaced by bribes and sex for protection by petty and violent warlords

They no longer needed to complain about the increasing entitlements and more tax cuts for the rich

But by god, we are all created a helluva lot more equal given the universal squalor of all our lives

Mass Identical eJourneys Of Self-Discovery

    I felt knowledge and the unity of the world circulate in me like my own blood.” ― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

Yes I’ll be making a deeply spiritual journey but I havent crowdsourced which road to travel this year

I must seek my true self somewhere far from the well-worn maze pathway I trace in the daily ratrace

I’ll lose my mind and discover myself- according to stuff I’ve been tweeted from certain bestsellers

And it won’t be long before I leave, no way! I just have a few more loose digital ends to tidy up

Wont need much besides my iPad - just my credit card and the overpriced travel clothes in my pack

Gonna head out to see the suffering that rules the world sos to reach a higher plane of consciousness

I’ll be getting twisted up in trendy yoga poses while I ponder the complexities of climate change

Broadening my horizons by holding my nose and tiptoeing thru their inescapably-crowded streets

I’m going off on a pilgrimage during which my normal life and busy thoughts will flake uselessly away

I’ll gaze upon the menial jobs of the filthy working poor to grasp the dignity of their grinding poverty

I’ll make a voyage of self-discovery and then step back in my cube with but a little cattle prodding

I’ll tour their swarming, filthy hives but spend almost all my time with other tourists, just like me

Gonna take back some life lessons learned photographing others from safely behind closed windows

Why, I’ll be gone close to 3 whole weeks, worrying every minute that I’ll be robbed, shot or infected

However, all the time I will hold tightly to the knowledge that I’ll be back home before I know it

Then I’ll integrate their gritty lessons into my ass-kissing and back-biting shoulder-climb to the top

Look for my pithy posts from identical dirty hostels run by world-weary, expatriate entrepreneurs

I’ll upload the photographic proof of my emerging spirituality on social media in near-realtime

See, I’m going off looking to raise my cosmic awareness and it’s not simply because I cant find a job

And I got bookmarks on all the highlights that I simply gotta see to nurture my eternal soul

I’ll be taking lots of pictures of stuff that I won’t ever even actually look at with my naked eyes

Yup, I’ll sneak soul-stealing snapshots of real people from our bus to hang in my cubicle, back home

Daringly, I might even brush my teeth in the tap water and possibly even try some local food

But mostly I’ll have beers with my new tourist friends in places where the natives can only work

I can spice my twitter feed with the nuggets of worldly wisdom that I am trying to digest here

Wearing dirty clothes and hardly ever getting a really decent shower, so does my understanding grow

Just watching out for my wallet and holding on to my passport requires a lot of my attention

Observing all the litter and their infinite dirty faces will surely raise my own level of enlightenment

I will adjust to their pace of living and kick back, yet diligently keep to my hard and fast schedule

My fellow travelers and I will share tips on hostels, tours, food and bars – all created just for us

Finding and successfully using an ATM will become an exotic adventure that I will always remember

And I will experience their culture just like I do their food – only in places made safe for such as us

I will learn to ignore the endless stream of trinket sellers and beggars with a soulful equanimity

I’ll be wearing local bracelets, tying my hair back in skinny dreds and not shaving, most of the time

I will try to keep repeating Om Mani Padme Hum as I squat forlorn and sick over a squalid asian toilet

I will learn patience waiting for the moment when none of the 1000 other tourists are in my picture

Just Another Never Could Have Been

It sucks to be a has been, now with all your greatness gone

I hate those could have beens, they’ve wasted real potential

It’s worse to be a might have been, robbed by fate of a rightful chance

But I know I’m a never could have been and it is what it is

The guys who live alone in the glory of their past are simply pitiful

Those who almost made it still have something to look back upon

The dreams the might-haves had, though unfulfilled, are the stuff of stories

But knowing in your heart you never had what it takes is simply black and white

They said we’s all self-evidently created equal

But even from the beginning some fall far behind

And advantages grow larger at ever-incredasing rates

None of that ever mattered to me for I was born a never could have been

It’s hard, having been a star, to adapt to a new and ordinary normal

Too often they simply cannot consider that it may be time to quit

So many do not even know when could be changed to might have been

But for the never could have been life abides eternally in a drab consistency

We're Just Cosmic Background Noise

But we act like our bullshit-filled lives have meaning in the universe...

You’ve briefly attained a venal self-awareness for reasons that, as far as you know are simply random

Arose from somewhere out the cosmic background from which emits the hum of the universal mantra

Your confused memories only go back so far - and they wont extend out for very much longer - either

Yes, the infinite buzz will re-envelop you despite your pathetic, childish notions of a biblical paradise

In the meantime just let yourself be filled by ads and stress out over multitasked inconsequentialities

For all your thoughts emerge as tiny, fractal bubbles which quickly disappear in the surrounding void

You briefly pass a window in an endless dark tunnel and are filled with a flash of astonishing light

Not to worry though, all this foolish nonsense will not outlast your eternal, yet totally fictional, soul

Do not fear their quaint notion of a divine post-mortem accountability - It’s only used to control you

Because you will remember nothing even if your grasping and foolish self somehow is reincarnated

So, don’t count on carrying forward any wisdom, thoughts or remembrances even should it happen

Rather, believe whatever you wish about your future, for disappointment does not exist in the void

Use up your time on petty jealousy, foolish hatred and pathetic hobbies - Cuz it just dont matter!

Dump all the litter you want for it will be incinerated during earth’s demise with the end of our sun

Make all the mindless noise you wish for it can never leave the thin atmosphere we have so polluted

Dont bother saving for your future since even the rich and famous share the identical, empty fate

Though you’ve watched many insects die quickly for nothing you always knew your life meant more

Caught frightening glimpses of a vast emptiness when you were not looking… and quickly turned away

So just keep focus on all those costly but meaningless activities that make your children your friends

Your empty consumerism wont have any consequences so go eat, drink and live merrily – all on credit

Always tried hard to act like you were quite sure there’s more to life than the unending, empty grind

You’ve forever left really important stuff for later cause you’re so damn busy and you still have time

But you’ll be so worn out, drugged up and in so much pain you wont even remember any such things

And not to worry: They will be able to get on with their lives after seeing you off, alone- to wherever

Don’t waste time on such as recycling: For the end of our solar system will totally clean things up

Stop and smell the roses, go for the gusto and live for today cause soon you’ll know nothing: Forever!

Sadly, you’ll miss all the rest of those big games, holidays and special sales, all throughout eternity

But don’t you worry, for you will not feel alone, because there is no loneliness in nothing

You look for meaning only because our brains tell us that things simply should make some sense

And passing briefly through this life and simply disappearing with nothing in sight just cannot be right

Yes, though it’s impossible for your to accept a fate of background inconsequentiality, nonetheless...

Your chirping will die out like the crickets in the fall, with only a bit part played…And that will be all

Bubba And The Beneficent Rain

There’s more mercy in a single raindrop than in all the empty sacraments any priests have ever given

But we merely see it as a nuisance that messes up our office blowdry and our new costume clothing

For, you see, the anonymous mercy of the falling rain might just spoil our venal little workaday plans

And all the unearned redemption that it brings isn’t counted among our vast and divine entitlements

We are simply unable to enjoy the security of quietly listening to gentle night rains upon our roof

No, the contentment of an all day soaking as felt by the grateful rice farmer is foreign to our lives

The beneficence of showers does not soothe those rushing about upon stressedout commuter errands

We are so very far from grasping the gratitude with which others greet the start of their monsoon

There is no connection between our 24x7 eLives and the weather, save its occasional inconvenience

The unearned grace of beneficent rains flows off our backs like the dirty-dishwater ducks that we are

Meanwhile all the poisons we so casually discard soak the earth about us in equal parts per million

But, of course, no one should worry about a dirty rain in these persistent times of economic hardship

The simple rain that bathes the soil and fills our streams is simply not on our viral hipster radar

That earthy smell off a drying field cannot move us in the fashion of one of our own merry tweets

The dirty runoff from foul alleys and sidewalks certainly does not merit our over-allocated attention

Rain just gets my car all dirty and forces me to run, unnaturally, all the way in from the parking lot

And Bubba Sez:

That whatever hydrologic cycle can’t effect me cause I drink all my water outta throwaway plastic

Hearin about droughts and shit batween country songs, I’m glad that stuff’s got nethin to do with me

At least, when it rains I don’t gotta do yardwork, so yeah, actually I guess I am like sorta grateful

But we aint doin no pagan celebrations or satanic shit like that just cause god let down a little rain

I mean look at all the mud and that filthy runoff - better bring the kids right on inside, mother

Don’t want them runnin around wet without they shirts, laughing and shinin like some kinda hindis

Oh, my god, Timmy, don’t you swalla them filthy raindrops, I already told you they’re bad for ya

Now look at ya, you’re all wet and dirty just cause you ain’t got the sense to get in out the rain

So why should we celebrate the rain that washes the stuff that caused my skin lesions into this ocean

Don’t think the fish are celebratin the oxygen-sucking algal bloom our rain-carried fertilizers create

We don’t wanna go dirtbikin if its rainin and we caint even have a barbecue picnic and drink our beer

Look, we came ta this here naturel paradise fer a well-deserved vacation so, by god it better not rain

Our Apartment Cowboy Saint

Yup, He does live right down the hall from us and He’s got a real nice old pickup parked outside, too

Yer goddamn right He votes straight republican And He keeps it locked on the Fox, jest like we do

His teeth hurt as bad as mine so we drove 5 hours ta some free clinic but by 4:00 AM we was too late

And that Guy has some really nice automatic firearms and a valid concealed weapon permit

His mom and dad live with Him, as well as some lady and her kids from acupla her other marriages

Told me that the freakin EPA has got to go and we hafta get the US out of the UN and vice-versa

Said tax blessings fer the rich will damn straight float all of our boats back up an inta the good times

Acourse, liberals are always attackin Him with that junk science and ther woreout socialist agindas

He’s got the bankers backs insteada knockin down their walls cuz He knows theys too big ta fail

And, shit man, He’s always got a cold one in the fridge for any guy stoppin by to watch foopbawl

Revealed aliens tryin ta take over the country as liberals aim ta give away our national sovereignty

Lives by soundbite common sense and faith, not NPR or the NYTimes, so that’s what we’re doin too

He helped us burn down the last abortion clinic in the state and even got a shot off at a fleeing MD

The farkers foreclosed on His house too, but luckily He had already spent alla His 3 HELOCs

Happily, them repo parasites never tuk His busted up boat, ATV, jetskis, snowmobile or dirtbikes

Them illegales stole His carpenter job and He was on unemployment fer 3 years, jest like me

He never wenta college but He sure knows the difference butween junk science and industree studies

Aint no freakin vegan and you don’t see no queer green recyclin box by His front door, either

Sometimes we hear good old country music driftin thru His walls and He’ll commence ta sing along

Told us about the job-killin regelaters working against His father who anyways still blesses America

Skinny as a rail except for a fat little belly, the free clinic says He’s pre-diabetic, just the same as us

Refused ta signup fer no freedim-stealin obamacare tax right along withalla the restaus loyal patriots

Hey, I won $20 on a lotto ticket I bought one day when we went in for BigGulps and Doritos on break

He laughed out loud when theyas talking global warming with some squirmin liberal scientest on TV

Told us our Traditional Family Values™ are at the core of the Newer Testament He’s been workin on

Knows we gotta nuke them Arabs back ta the stone age startin first with them heathen Irainians

Made sure we know that clean air and water are free and our meat animals got no everlasting souls

Well, actually the poor SOB don’t got no more saved up fer His golden years than you or me

Showed us how ta find answers fer any perplexin issue in that Good Book He’s mostly memorized

Somebody seen Him smack a damn Prius real hard with His big truck door over to the mall parking lot

Sure enough He said we was born to be prosperous in this blessed land, if we’ll just keep ta the faith

He’s cullectin SSI too, that’s for sure and He gets all His Chinese stuff down to Wal*Mart jest like us

Said somebody’s gotta stand up ta them godless jihadis and it falls ta us not them squishy Eurolosers

He told the kids ta be grateful fer coal-fired A/C on everonea them recerd hot days we keep havin

He never went to freakin college but He knows they better keep their damn hands offa our medycare

They aint no comprymises in His beliefs and we won’t let no sinful give and take pervert His truth

After Work...Our Real Lives

After work, boys, that’s the time… Those few hours for our lives to really shine

After work and before the homelife responsibilities and our entertainment downtime

After work we’ll push it hard for a moment, cause we’re finally doing stuff we think really matters

After work, for a couple hours, I can practice being semi-pro at something that I actually enjoy

After work is maybe just the Happy Hour where I purge myself by poison, of their grasping insecurity

After work one of these days let’s get together and do a barbecue or something

After work I’m gonna try and reach the real trajectory of a life I still feel like I might lead one day

After work there’s always more work to do but I might squeeze in an hour or so

After work we’ll get our lives together, doing what we know is truly important, for a little while

After work they wont be micromanaging us with that ever-present threat of sudden unemployment

After work we can at least try to act like the men we always thought we would one day become

After work we’ll pay some real attention and give it all we’ve got

After work I might even undertake like maybe a short search for meaning…or something

After work I’ll spend some real quality time with my treasured family

After work and before it gets dark again we’ll take our places in the sun

After work I’ll drive around like a rich man with the tinted windows up and my dark glasses on

After work I’ll seek an antidote for all the force-fed BS I’ve learned that I must swallow with a smile

After work we wont be at all like politically correct if we want to laugh out loudly, together

After work that self-serving bitch wont be looking over my shoulder every couple of minutes

After work we’ll take some ammo and a sixpack out to the dump and just relax for a while

After work I might study stuff that could help get me another job after the next round of big layoffs

After work my possibilities emerge briefly like a short sunset under low clouds on a dark winter day

After work I bet we’ll be able to see that there could be more to life than their venal strategic vision

After work I’ll be laughing cause it helps me to get my head back on straight, if just for a little while

After work we’ll have to move it, if we really want to get some recreation, what with all the crowds

After work I’ll prove that I’m more than an interchangeable, disposable and, actually, unwanted part

After work we’ll get out the bigboy toys that can still make it all seem somehow worthwhile

After work I’ll pick up the kids and we’ll roll out together in that big blue SUV for their favorite eats

After work I can expand again, outside the muted, cubicle flunkie mold they’ve got me pressed into

After work, whaddya know, I’ll be doing stuff that actually interests me, if only for a short while

After work we’ll be more than too-slowly moving little dots on some suckup’s failing project schedule

After work we’ll climb right outside their box, stand up on our hind legs and really think for ourselves

After work I’m gonna try and figure out what it is I actually want to be when I finally do grow up

After work we’ll enjoy the feelings of self-worth our trivial daily grind so efficiently abrades

After work, just you watch and see, their bullshit will, for a moment, not put the fear of god in me

After work – Yet, we all know we’re just lucky we still got our jobs to go to again, tomorrow morning

Hail The Anthropocene Era

Shortest geologic era on record, marked by a mass extinction due to human activity. AKA the Cretinaceous period.

Our consumer trends create market-driven conditions to which a species must either adapt: Or perish

We even act as if we can decide which life forms will survive based on whether we need or like them

Our micro-plastic litter shards have become an inert part of the food chain in every ocean on earth

And we can all ask in one talkinghead voice: What has any stinkin polarbear ever done for my family?

Our genetically-modified mono-cropped food plants drive evolution in the lifeforms we label as pests

Today, we tacitly agree that a sustainable environment is whatever remains after our latest progress

Industry assures us that we humans are immune from the otherwise toxic effects of their activities

We cannot not be constrained by divisive quarrels over irrelevant history, for we must move forward

The axiom that mere grasping self-interest optimizes everyone’s future anchors our economic beliefs

Clear skies, clean water and intact ecosystems are infinite free goods that must never be regulated

Tough pests and scraggly weeds near our fields are the new normal in plant and animal assemblages

Burying valleys in mountain-top coal mine slag merely emulates natural earthquakes and volcanoes

Dams and clearcuts select the strongest of those decimated salmon in our warmed and silted rivers

Bidding up prices on those few remaining bluefin tuna demonstrates marketplace species protection

Total species count and individual numbers decrease in direct proportion to our population increases

Extending our protection to lands, plants or animals declines with their short-term profit potential

Why, we all help alter the entire earth’s climate daily - simply by using electricity, driving and eating

And we may choose to decry, ignore, disbelieve or honor these efforts based on religion and politics

Many among us would call this era the Saviorscene as all our efforts are, of course, divinely-ordained

Habitat destruction is but one more evolutionary hurdle for the few surviving charismatic megafauna

Like a meteor strike, our population bloom stresses species - beneficially speeding up their evolution

Such as rats, cats, dogs, roaches and bedbugs profit briefly as well during our bubble-like ascendancy

Not only do we mortgage our futures but the slyest among us hedge against our very survival as well

An entitled greed is foremost among those Traditional Family Values™ that underpin our way of life

Any new chemical created may be spread freely until it’s proven to be harmful and explicitly banned

The best measure of human progress is GDP - Not biodiversity, sustainablility or habitat preservation

Modern culture venerates human life even as it destroys the very environment that makes it possible

The only necessary and sufficient condition to ensure our future is the pursuit of individual happiness

The best way to solve non-issues such as climate change is to innovate and profit from their effects

The current mass extinction is not human-caused and is just as natural as any of the previous five

A 3 ton SUV carapace is the ideal way for a human mother to shuttle her offspring about in safety

If Asians work toxic 16 hour shifts and sleep 20 to a room, clearly chickens cannot deserve too much

Blind faith in capitalism and trust in almighty God are our armor and sword in this battle for survival

Industry trade group soundbites are honest counterweights to cooked, elitist bad science research

Industrial self-regulation is the only real way to painlessly meet our Good Steward responsibilities

Know that this wondrous flowering of humanity doesn’t simply yield the seeds of its own destruction

That’s An Alternative Fact!

Our supporters don’t listen to their lying so-called factcheckers - so we can create the news that suits our sponsors

Welcome to the highway to hell, here in the USSA – The United Socialist States Of America

Gas would only be $1.50/gallon if not for that intrusive and unnecessary government regulation

America’s greatest days remain ahead, for we alone possess a divinely-granted exceptionist destiny

Climate change is a costly, elitist scare tactic used to try to steal our precious national sovereignty

Good science can advance thru slanted polls and soundbites just as well as via reproducible research

Industry studies reveal processed meats have health benefits beyond storing toxic fat for lean times

Politicians are not quietly fostering increasing ignorance only because it keeps us easier to convince

The government’s core inflation rate is a true indicator of price trends our families are experiencing

Real estate professionals bring true expertise and a desire for a better world to their unselfish work

Corporate strategies are rooted in a deep patriotism and great concern for citizens longterm welfare

Free markets can ensure species preservation via setting high prices on items such as ivory and tuna

Our lovely planet can comfortably support 10 billion people with but a few minor agricultural tweaks

Liberals plan to take away our guns and give up our cherished freedom to that pagan United Nations

We absolutely must continue to outspend the world combined on dEfense or risk foreign domination

Medicare Death Panels already have prioritized lists of grandparents to be put down by gov’t doctors

It’s only the Far Right that has succeeded in stopping any and all efforts at political compromise

Continually retrying failed socialist policies hoping for better results is a hallmark of liberal madness

Though their contributions are not financially measurable, CEO compensation must increase annually

Chronic budget reductions can be sustainably overcome via volunteerism and doing more with less

Air is free, a fresh water supply is a god-given right and the oceans must stay open to all for profit

Our reasoned evolution of belief is the very opposite of the hated political enemy’s cowardly flip-flop

Industry-financed drug research exemplifies how market forces efficiently effect safe self-regulation

War is a genetic and moral imperative – Besides it’s a lucrative and permanent economic opportunity

Tax cuts, social program reductions and deregulation will suffice to get our country growing strongly

Globalization allows multinationals to provide us with cheaper products and good jobs for peasants

A worldwide elite conspires to tithe our precious sovereignty to a godless Eurohive of failed socialism

LGBT behavior is a lifestyle choice which can be unlearned given the proper spiritual environment

And truly the fight for gay marriage ranks right up there with women’s suffrage and negro civil rights

The feds fund stripper training in Chicago and teach NY pimps to writeoff employee meth benefits

Ranchers are right to demand predator control so their welfare cattle can trample public wetlands

Any tax increase on the rich completely robs them of their priceless, job-creating motivation

Unlimited and anonymous corporate campaign bribes are necessary to ensure our freedom of speech

Mandatory universal armament would ensure everyone’s safety from that rare wacko mass murderer

The EPA or Employment Prevention Agency must be abolished along with all its job-killing regulations

Recycling is a foolish waste of time which merely prevents market forces from operating efficiently

The return of the Good Old Days of late last century is certain given our people’s boundless optimism

Find Myself Bawlin

I’m settin here bawlin by an old radio on another too hot afternoon

I’m still gettin these thoughts of slippin off, now and agin

But, I still aint got no notion tatake it out on nobody else

Lookin back I kin see all we really had musta been nethin

Now that you run off fer good I just got to face it at last

But all I can do is set here and sob a little, all ba ma self

Thought we was goin somewheres, but I’m settin here cryin

Aint having no violent thoughts, no sir, why did you ask?

Just found myself bawlin in this old trailer, onct agin

Got the blues from my momma wayfor she OD’d

Thought together was better, til you went away

Now I feel like it’s all just this like dark and dirty rain

Just seeing this or hearin that gets me all real sad, one more time

Reminds me ahow things were - and they didn’t work out then

So, once more everything all seems quite useless and dreary

Find myself bawling cause bein happy just seems so pathetic

But, I aint cryin for help so don’t send in no preachers

Just settin here whinin by myself, all alone once agin

I Really Do Need Lots of Guns!

Wow, I need a gun here right now, nexta my pillow cuz what if them UN helicopters hover tonight...

OK, what if that big black hand reaches into my window… later on when everybody else is fast asleep

I keep it warm and well-hidden, right next to my skin - on the way to church each Sunday morning

And it feels so good when I touch off a few rounds and some prairie dogs or such vermin just explode

I expeschilly like rubbing that smooth barrel up and down while it’s still warm and smoking

With this shapely 30 shot automatic in hand I’m ready to stand my ground - Anytime and anywhere

Hey, I’m just harking back to them good old pilgrim fathers who chiseled out our holy constitution

Yup, the right to deadly force is among the most deeply-rooteda alla our sacred tradishnal vayues

The very idea of even regelatin assault weapons sets my proud, violent, radicalized blood ta boilin

What we actually need are neighborhood anti-tank and anti-aircraft brigades ta foil CIA incursions

Why, at this very moment I could squeeze one off in the face of a drugged carjacker or pushy cicylist

God bless the NRA cause, whoa baby, I really need all my guns right here, right beside me, right now

Took a firearm safety class with my 3^rd grader and now she just loves to go shooting with her Daddy

Sitting quietly on my lap, she counts the shells in her chamber as we break down our pistols together

The wife’s got a very ladylike .38 she slips right on down into her purse as she heads in for a pedicure

To me, being armed is like being dressed, and you best believe I don’t even hop inta bed neked

The certainty that I have the power ta solve social problems by ending lives colers alla my actitudes

And, as everybody knows from the Good Book, jesus spoke out against gun control plots way long ago

For He commends us not only against the infidels but demands we take an eye for an eye and stuff

It’s a win-win-win situation combining our sacred religious duty with patriotism and sensual pleasure

Good God, I need my guns like I need ta eat every day and that’s really all I shudhafta say about that

Whenever I leave the house I got my checklist: Wallet, cellphone, handgun, BigGulp, sunglasses, keys

Hey, dont you think I dont know them socialist hivers meanta rob meamy godgiven right ta bear arms

But when the shit hits the fan, we’ll take off for the woods in my pickup loaded with rifles and ammo

After all, guns are a big parta what it means to be a Man here in The Greatest country on the planet

Yup, from pilgrim ta cowboy ta redneck an honored heavily-armed tradition been handed down ta me

We aint standin fer no weapons tracking, smart guns or fingerprinted ammo, either, no gotdam way!

The feds got no right to know what I got up here in my home arsenal but they can tap them tweeters

I need a gun or I wunna feel complete and my whole lifestyle would not make any real sense…

It’s even more than self-protection, why, it has a lot to do with who I am and what I truly believe in

Them occasional mass killings simply prove that our citizens needs to remain ever armed and vigilant

Yea, in a righteous world 4 or 5 civilians would open up on wack shooters anywhere, public or private

Yup, I read that American Rifleman magazine in the privacy of my bathroom and God bless my guns

You might as well ask me to give up good old red meat as to surrender my treasured, shiny firearms

Ya see, gun control actually should only be about keeping a steady aim and a smooth trigger finger

So, I’ll see you down to that next gunshow in Arizona, checkin out bikinis & unregistered automatics