Faking Political Correctness

I finally heard, and sometimes even heed, an inner voice saying that its a good time to just shut up

But really, I’m only acting nice, trying to avoid the guilt and shame that follows useless confrontation

So, don’t mistake my thoughtful silence for quiet acceptance – actually, I’m just being kind to myself

And as I nod while you speak, please understand it only means I hear you: Definitely not that I concur

You must realize that I have learned if I can’t say something agreeable, I will say something trivial

In fact, be quite sure that I’m just as likely silently and sarcastically damning you as supporting you

And if I quietly change the subject to something neutral, it’s only to avert a useless, angry escalation

Fact is, I’m simply being nice to avoid being sullied by wasting my own foolish adrenaline on nothing

Be advised I am not really nice, I am not very friendly and I often find your canned opinions repulsive

But I am striving to remain non-confrontational, just trying to avoid any angry but worthless flare-ups

I just want to remain nice and soft, like cottage cheese or tepid oatmeal, at least in your opinion

Please note that, really, I wouldn’t mind confronting you in my very harshest loud and angry tones

So, yeah, I’m being nice with unruffled feathers, staying all like politically correct instead of cursing

Offering what I hope appears as neutral silence rather than pointedly telling you exactly what I think

But even though now you know, dont you dare to confront me or we’ll brand you as a nonteam player

Let’s get thru our mandatory interactions without overt anger and I’ll happily part, without any guilt

I will be most falsely-courteous and faux-friendly to you during our forced face time at big meetings

Since I’ve seen the power of being politely passively-aggressive I’ll only denounce you covertly

I just want for you to believe that I am being nice so we can avoid any friction on all the real issues

Slipping, I’ll apologize for misspeaking or say that I was misunderstood: But not sorry for what I said

Trust me, I chafe under all this enforced politeness for it forces me to swallow my own vile hypocrisy

Still, it beats being soaked in bitter and guilty recrimination for many days after each confrontation

And I’m also being nice to avoid the real concealed weapons of all the personal liberty zealots I cross

Don’t want to take a bullet from a road-raged freedom lover goaded on by his far-too-personal savior

I’m being nice to keep my blood pressure down and my criminal record clean - Not to appease you

No need to worry, though, cause I’m no back-biting, tattletale puke ready to stab you in the back But dont even be surprised when decisions made privately on big projects deny your empty blustering

Yet hopefully you find out later I detested you and your little friends but for now: See my fake smile

I'm absolutely not preaching violence but being nice doesn’t mean I support your silly, vain agenda

I’m not being nice to win your friendship, trust or co-operation: It’s for my own selfish peace of mind

I also know it does no good to call you out to your politically correct, simply rule-enforcing manager

So, don’t you think I am smiling with you cause I’m really chuckling at your loud and ignorant pride

Been thru too many embarrassing after-situations and humiliating post-confrontations to speak up

It’s not worth it to act out for 5 minutes when the guilty payback lasts 5 weeks and nothing changes

But, observing your latest outburst, I derive a real satisfaction knowing it was not me this time

So though your foolish bullshit spoils any teamwork, I wont lose any sleep - Because I am Being Nice

Don't Do That

If some office twit overhears a mumbled curse from your tiny cube, you’ll be warned of termination

Speaking the truth to an Officer can earn you a pepper spray or tazing and a night in the drunk tank

Go offscript with offshored support and she’ll say theres no need to get angry sir and hang up on you

Be quiet as the Precious Children sleep til noon and don’t even tell them to keep it down at 2:20 AM

Complain about the Feds sniffing your tweets or hacking your cell and you’ll earn special attention

Whine about removing your shoes, belt and emptying your pockets and you’ll wear some plastic cuffs

Call your insurance vampire for info on a problem you don’t even have and your rates could go up

File a rape allegation and its up to you to prove you arent just another cursing, drunken, whoring slut

Ask the pope for dialog and you’ll get a copy of his edict and be excommunicated if you don’t obey it

Don’t bother to apply for those Good New Jobs if you were ever unemployed or even underemployed

Don’t think you can get to read that web page unless you first agree to an unending stream of spam

Don’t swear you wont pay for no obamacare, yer already paying fer the moochers with no insurance

Be sure not to get old or you’ll silently rise to the top of the layoff list without notice, or recourse

Question any inane BS and they’ll simply say it’s company policy and they don’t make the rules...sir

Have a flat on a ghetto freeway and you’ll be robbed and beaten then processed by surly, bored cops

They can shoot your Lab if they think its a pitbull but dont you dare try telling their kids not to curse

You better tithe your 25% or the IRS will ruin you as the rich whine but patriotically pay their full 13%

Don’t try pushing that damn rabbit food on the fastfood-brainwashed, you socialist vegan nanny

The only part of their sloth-induced metabolic syndrome that is your business is to pay their Dr. bills

Forget junk objective measures and heed only their vapid tweets Re:ThE Greatest Country On Earth

Don’t ever question any military spending or we’ll smear you as a traitorous, soft-on-defense coward

Why bother teachin the kids family values 10 minutes a day when they baste in media sin 24x7x365?

Don’t fool with that recicling crap cause god takes care of everything they’re not paying you to do

Don’t dare even plan fer the effects of that global warmin bullshyte, much less even try ta stop it

Don’t tell these real men to give up their fatass, loud, gas-gulping trucks for some kinda girly hybrid

You mustn’t dare whisper a joke about gun control when a single open mic could alert the NRA

Why mention anything but jobs, lower taxes and more benes if it could cost you in the next election?

Don’t be constrained by the truth - Your supporters ignore their phony factcheckers anyway

You cant say jobs arent coming back or that working poverty is their new and richly-deserved normal

Don’t deny that our holy GDP is more important than the earthly environment upon which it’s based

Talk about good ideas or progress in ferin lands and you’ll be seen as some kinda unpatriotic wacko

Don’t talk too quietly or you’ll be ignored as they just shout right over top of you, without a thought

You can’t publicly reject their pabulum that all men are created equal and enjoy equal oppprtunity

Dont dare to say that our fruitful overpopulation is positively the roota everona our biggest problems

Watch you keep very quiet about anything that might cost good families jobs and, especially, money

Better not insist that the gumint likes us being proudly-ignorant cause it makes us easier to convince