Avoid These Polite Conversation Killers

If you can’t say something politically correct, just say something totally inconsequential…

You just shut up about ‘Yes, We Can’ actually being just one more ad man’s empty campaign slogan

We won’t even discuss the omissions, misrepresentations and lies that already cost over a $Tr in Iraq

Nobody wants to hear about fixing corpro-agriculture if it might cost them any extra at all for Doritos

Just don’t mention that ThE Greatest Country on ThE Planet only leads the Undeveloping World

Where’s a benefit to facing the fact that your kids future clearly is not nearly as bright as yours was?

Who’s going to worry much about that climate change scam Republican leaders know is pure BS?

Shushup over exporting a temporary glut of fracked natural gas, again with no plan for when its gone

We’ll stifle statistics that the poor & ignorant are wildly outbreeding ye of the educated middle class

You cannot say: Our Natives & Blacks must have issues if they can be held down for so long - So easily

Only a traitor would dare speak out against outspending the next 20 countries combined on dEfense

Thou shalt not speculate that victims of the obesity plague might shoulder any personal responsibility

It’s political suicide to admit that we must all pay higher taxes and get less benefits just to scrape by

Don’t even whisper of the insurance & drug industry deals cut to get that Obamacare shoved thru

You just wont get away with demanding childbearing licenses as well as requiring two parent families

Dont bring up the false promises of the good new jobs of tomorrow made when they outsourced us

Stop calling their dogma of eternal GDP growth just another fairytale, too-big-to-fail, pyramid scam

Dont discuss how doctors can make $400/hr up til age 80 but you have to be <30 to code a stupid app

Its off topic to ask why top corpro rungs are only for furtive one-track shoulder-climbing psychopaths

Never ever, even whisper that sainted Israel practices what the Nazis did to them on the Palestinians

Don’t ask how we actually have a vibrant, structurally sound economy with 20% of us on food stamps

We won’t even calculate business losses resulting from promotions based solely on affirmative action

Better not go around belittling football and all of its brainwashed, bacon & beer-loving worshipers

You won’t hear how the Wall Street banks got way too much bigger to fail again, so forget about that

Theres no need to broadcast that cable, internet and cell service cost more here than anywhere else

Politicians hope you wont notice they work 2½ days/week in Washington and go fund-raising the rest

We’ll never debate whether holiday shopping isn’t one of thE most important news stories every year

Our right to uber-loud fireworks, jake-brakes, pickups and harleys is rightly not even under scrutiny

Shut up and hold the door for them as they go home early again, for their kids - with their equal pay

So, you think that the main problem with the education system is parenting? Don’t you dare go there

We’ll simply ignore the increasing Jihadi activity going on from Morocco all the way over to Indonesia

Nobody wants to talk low-priority issues like economic sustainability, much less habitat preservation

Who the hell cares if our landfills overflow with valuable recyclables marinating in our toxic wastes?

No, you shouldnt finally tell them that they’re not really very special, even though they all got prizes

Can’t label those leeching seamlessly from unemployment to disability to social security as moochers

How dare you even dream of a support group just for displaced white men? You racist, Nazi pervert!

Mustn’t voice the heresy that Christianity is as dogmatic, wornout & irrelevant as that tired socialism

Grabbin fer gusto as I smelt them roses

Lost course in the currents of their waving sea of distortions, omissions, exaggerations and halftruths

Had another sudden & lifechanging inspiration as I sucked down the dregs of just one more cold drink

Heard the latest bad news walking the pocked & dirty streets once again, upon these tired old feet

Watched as leaders cagily evaded any blame by offloading all responsibility for their many failures

Tried to skip all the ads but the jingles kept playing inside my head til I soaked them up with vodka

Saw the lights of our great city from a hill, faroff & above all the dirt & noise, inside my ragged tent

Talked to my old dog about the man who had once beaten her so often, yet always so unexpectedly

Found myself once again sideslipping down the steep leading edge of yet another stupid trend curve

Held her hand for just a moment and felt her slip away – well, so much for our being forever together

Realized too late the meaninglessness of all the projects my managers pushed as so vitally important

Swam out past the breakers and saw things differently, rolling up and down on coolblue pacific swells

Just looking at them I had to laugh out loud whenever they told me that I had’nt changed a bit

No longer able to flee the questions that upset me, I blindly swallowed some stale religious fairytale

Safely depersonalized the myriad sufferings of others from the comfort of my couch control center

Felt strangely empty if I was not actively pursuing the latest Gen of our most-must-have-now, eGear

Yes, I traveled thousands and thousands of miles, but darn – I was just commuting to & from work

Grew weary of their attempts to control me with their phony suits and one-way political correctness

Lost sympathy for the truly poor seeing how well the real pros worked the same corners every day

Watched out the window in silent awe as new convenience stores carved up formerly good farmland

Remained convinced I was well above average in all respects - despite my ongoing current situation

Voted straight republican as I seamlessly segued from unemployment to disability to social security

Dinit need no dam obamacare cuz my medicaid and medicare waz always ther fer my family

Made sure I didn’t read too much after seeing what it done to alla them dam scientists and liberals

Learned to relax and get comfortable by twerkin the big screen instead of doin boring housework

Went on a trip Out West & grabbed selfies at everonea them naturel marvelsa this great landa ours

Donno if I was offshored, outsourced, downsized or laidoff but now I’m broke & in early retirement

Waited for weeks for Labor Day but simply could not remember what we done for it - Just last year…

Often derived a blissful satisfaction from my latest purchases - For up to 20 full minutes at a time!

Learned ta hate at the sound of buzzphrases uttered by puppet opinion leaders pushing fake eNews

Slept with my guns and old bible but still feared for the sound of their black helicopters in the night

Bought more than we needed cuz it was on sale: And thoughtlessly discarded half as spoiled leftovers

Grew weary of gumint inactivity, infighting & incompetence even as I grew fatter, dumber & lazier

Tried real hard to make my kids like me - Guess that’s why they’re back livin at home in their 30s

Crammed my head with sports stats and lines from ads and movies cause that’s what really mattered

Grabbin fer gusto as I smelt them roses helped me ignore the black truth athat onrushin empty void

Now I tremble laying here all tubed, knowing life has to go on, but only this time it’ll be without me

Our Apartment Cowboy Saint

Yup, He does live right down the hall from us and He’s got a real nice old pickup parked outside, too

Yer goddamn right He votes straight republican And He keeps it locked on the Fox, jest like we do

His teeth hurt as bad as mine so we drove 5 hours ta some free clinic but by 4:00 AM we was too late

And that Guy has some really nice automatic firearms and a valid concealed weapon permit

His mom and dad live with Him, as well as some lady and her kids from acupla her other marriages

Told me that the freakin EPA has got to go and we hafta get the US out of the UN and vice-versa

Said tax blessings fer the rich will damn straight float all of our boats back up an inta the good times

Acourse, liberals are always attackin Him with that junk science and ther woreout socialist agindas

He’s got the bankers backs insteada knockin down their walls cuz He knows theys too big ta fail

And, shit man, He’s always got a cold one in the fridge for any guy stoppin by to watch foopbawl

Revealed aliens tryin ta take over the country as liberals aim ta give away our national sovereignty

Lives by soundbite common sense and faith, not NPR or the NYTimes, so that’s what we’re doin too

He helped us burn down the last abortion clinic in the state and even got a shot off at a fleeing MD

The farkers foreclosed on His house too, but luckily He had already spent alla His 3 HELOCs

Happily, them repo parasites never tuk His busted up boat, ATV, jetskis, snowmobile or dirtbikes

Them illegales stole His carpenter job and He was on unemployment fer 3 years, jest like me

He never wenta college but He sure knows the difference butween junk science and industree studies

Aint no freakin vegan and you don’t see no queer green recyclin box by His front door, either

Sometimes we hear good old country music driftin thru His walls and He’ll commence ta sing along

Told us about the job-killin regelaters working against His father who anyways still blesses America

Skinny as a rail except for a fat little belly, the free clinic says He’s pre-diabetic, just the same as us

Refused ta signup fer no freedim-stealin obamacare tax right along withalla the restaus loyal patriots

Hey, I won $20 on a lotto ticket I bought one day when we went in for BigGulps and Doritos on break

He laughed out loud when theyas talking global warming with some squirmin liberal scientest on TV

Told us our Traditional Family Values™ are at the core of the Newer Testament He’s been workin on

Knows we gotta nuke them Arabs back ta the stone age startin first with them heathen Irainians

Made sure we know that clean air and water are free and our meat animals got no everlasting souls

Well, actually the poor SOB don’t got no more saved up fer His golden years than you or me

Showed us how ta find answers fer any perplexin issue in that Good Book He’s mostly memorized

Somebody seen Him smack a damn Prius real hard with His big truck door over to the mall parking lot

Sure enough He said we was born to be prosperous in this blessed land, if we’ll just keep ta the faith

He’s cullectin SSI too, that’s for sure and He gets all His Chinese stuff down to Wal*Mart jest like us

Said somebody’s gotta stand up ta them godless jihadis and it falls ta us not them squishy Eurolosers

He told the kids ta be grateful fer coal-fired A/C on everonea them recerd hot days we keep havin

He never went to freakin college but He knows they better keep their damn hands offa our medycare

They aint no comprymises in His beliefs and we won’t let no sinful give and take pervert His truth

Find Myself Bawlin

I’m settin here bawlin by an old radio on another too hot afternoon

I’m still gettin these thoughts of slippin off, now and agin

But, I still aint got no notion tatake it out on nobody else

Lookin back I kin see all we really had musta been nethin

Now that you run off fer good I just got to face it at last

But all I can do is set here and sob a little, all ba ma self

Thought we was goin somewheres, but I’m settin here cryin

Aint having no violent thoughts, no sir, why did you ask?

Just found myself bawlin in this old trailer, onct agin

Got the blues from my momma wayfor she OD’d

Thought together was better, til you went away

Now I feel like it’s all just this like dark and dirty rain

Just seeing this or hearin that gets me all real sad, one more time

Reminds me ahow things were - and they didn’t work out then

So, once more everything all seems quite useless and dreary

Find myself bawling cause bein happy just seems so pathetic

But, I aint cryin for help so don’t send in no preachers

Just settin here whinin by myself, all alone once agin