It Aint Always Easy Ta Ignore Them Socshylists

You dont just jump inta like editorials or them op-eds after readin only fastfood menus fer years

Not gonna go dumbass exercisin ever day cuz its sweaty, boring and I aint got the time ta waste on it

They’re sayin my tastes will change from bacon & cheese to brocolli & tofu, but I sure aint seein that

It aint easy ta accept any doubt in my life after christ has answered everona my questions fer so long

Not at all convinced I shud give up my ramtuf Hemi fa them elitist global warmin conspiracy mongers

They just don’t get that if we all carried weapons we could end ever shootin rampage real quick

We’re just tryin ta get by, but their job-killing socialist agenda is costin us all ahole lotta money

Caint even swaller their lies about the st00pid school test scoresa them whatever roomanian loosers

We sure do deserve some real relief from them defraudin credit card and lyin homeloan companies

I gotta struggle jest ta keep my head straight what with bein insida this vast liberal media centrifuge

Tryin ta save fer our golden years, but with 0% inerest on savins we figgered gold was the way to go

We got problems with government sniffin our tweets but god is welcome to our innermost thoughts

It wadnt easy ta balance work and family life so now I’m tempin and livin in another blended family

It really hurts fallin outta the middle class - lucky we still got 3 credit cards ta keep the dream alive

It’s gettin so a guy caint hardly afford jetskis, snowmachines, harleys or a new pickup ever 2 years

Theyre still buggin us ta recicle but that aint eny parta my pursuita happiness or personal freedom

Nope, cant get them dirty Arabs ta see the truthta them Traditional Family Values that we export

You ever try ta lose weight, lower yer bloodpressure, watch the sugar and yer colesteral all at onct?

Its difficult ta bloom under the weighta that failed socialist agenda they keep shovelin up ontoppa us

It aint easy ta watch em smother our heroic enterpeenurs under ever more taxes and fool regelations

Cant even find a decent barista job much less start payin off my mountain of worthless college loans

Its getting harder ta realize our divinely-granted exceptionist role given our ongoing economic woes

Strugglin ta hold out til the good new jobs they promised us when they outsourced us finally get here

It’s tuf ta get Disability after yer Unemployment runs out and you still got 15 years til Social Security

It aint easy ta find time ta cook family meals so we mostly set down ta Mac&Cheese or MickieD’s

Tryin ta push back on the moochers who got so badly addicted ta them corrupt socialist entitlements

Keepin up with the $350/mo fer cable, cell & internet is still hard even without eye & dental care

How you think it feels ta not have the caish ta fix the new ATV my kid smashed up last summer?

We’re swimmin real hard against a flooda muddy propaganda from the leftwing fakenews conspiracy

Yessir, we’re strugglin heroically against those tryin ta rob us of our sacred right ta bear firearms

Havin ta fight hard everday ta stay fer free in our unfairly underwater home…fer the last 3½ years!

Its getting more difficult ta blow off alla them untruths regardin overeatin, drinkin and couch surfin

Havin ta ignore more and more dumbass internationalist liars regardin our falling standarda living

How’d u lieta hafta look at yer once little darlins layin round covered with creepy tattoos & piercins?

Its like a full time job ta juggle credit card balances around sos ya pay under 30% inerest ever month

It aint easy ta keep stoppin ta smell them roses while still goin fer the gusto and like livin fer taday

Vapidly Miraculous Despoilers

    “We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think that it is forever.” – Carl Sagan

100 trillion living cells in every amazing human body but he’s fixated on beer and next Friday night

Beautiful clouds and unimaginably faroff stars overhead yet shes focuses strictly on how fat she looks

There’s this gentle rain on a velvet night and we just squawk over some vapid reality show or another

That wondrous clotting cascade stops our bleeding, even as we suffocate in a sea of puerile tweets

That bio-electro cardiac miracle sustains us, though we mindlessly clog it with a factory food sludge

A marvel of evolutionary adaptation attending only to his clean pickup, upskirts and getting off work

Billions of neuronal connections process football gangstas in sexy tights smashing into each other

Our most gifted toiling only to create new methods of mass destruction for the inevitable next war

Esteemed and honored legislators blindly minding voter polls as they sales-emote canned soundbites

The Best and Brightest self-reduced to ginning complex but flawed algorithms for greedy bankers

Working and scheming 80 hours a week just to leverage an even more hyper-ostentatious McMansion

The incredible tech that forces long lives of exemplary courage upon those otherwise already dead

That gruesomely fascinating Gulf dead spot the size of Massachusetts at the anus we call NewOrleans

Pondering the incredible high-speed tech that allows us to stream kitty videos in HD - as we drive

The wonder of our 250 cable satellite channels out of which 2 blare 24x7 at nobody, for $200/month

There’s that new hi-tech surgical procedure that added several weeks to Mom’s life for only $196,500

Behold vast, complex conglomerates: Laser-focused on more profitably pushing sugar, fat and salt

As we destroy natural systems making life possible, we obsess over immaterial & petty social issues

Physicists sense 14 billion y/o events as we cling to the faded, dusty frills of long irrelevant religions

Millions of drunken sperm pursue another unwed teen’s miracle egg into multi-generational poverty

Hot wind wastes a momentary rainbow of million year old fossil water over BigAg GMO crop circles

Small brown men with large chainsaws deconstruct the climax rain forest, one ancient tree at a time

Unforeseen and toxic reactions amongst thousands of industrial chemicals occur – Inside our bodies

Meticulous and understated scientific research is satirically dismissed by amoral industry lobbyists

A massively-expensive creative force exists to push 10 mpg Ram Tough Hemis on apartment cowboys

Lawyers spend years mastering legal intricacies merely to act as parasites fighting over injured hosts

The state of the entire planet and its people simplified to poorly-estimated GDP & unemployment %s

The wonderwork of cosmology overshadowed by dusty and archaic religions based upon stale dogmas

Metaphysics ground and chunked into greasy 140 character bites, all of a wet pet food consistency

Spinning with the earth, orbiting the sun around the Milky Way, but dwelling only upon office slights

Adroitly and constantly ignoring the onrushing eternal and infinite void to which we all must return

Happily parroting movie lines, ad jingles and sports stats to each other to cover the terrifying silence

Cloaked in chinese cosmetics and clothes, her carefully died blond life justifies our boys sacrifices

Remote sensing comfort or profit, these marvels of evolutionary success roam the suburban steppes

Rainbow-hued pools of toxic chemicals hypnotize passing children, safe in their mother’s SUV pouch

The vapid tries to smother the wondrous, striving to defy the cosmos: With a loud & proud ignorance

That Whatever Nonsense Recompense

    That which compensates for an injury…

Useless desert fish, tiny spotted owls and ugly boreal toads wont be winning any damages, not ever

For courts have held that jobs and money trump the natural infrastructure that allows both to exist

Thus, nobody will be liable for the wonderful progress that has made our fair land what it is today

So plead not for a false recompense from those who act as his His divinely-ordained good stewar

***

They caint hold me responsible fer the filthiness of the rivers so briefly at His profit-minded mercy

Jesus aint gonna turn us away from them pearly gates fer like envirmental degredation, ya know

I don’t need no liability insurance ta exercise my god-given right tatha pursuita individyul happiness

They caint ever come after me fer carin more about my pickup than their wack sustainabilly crack

No sir, wild animals got no more justice comin than such as our cow, pig and chicken factory inputs

Nobodys gettin in any trouble fer spendin years glued ta good old foopbawl on the latest bigscreen

Theys no punisment comin cause you ran up a miyon$ charge fer fastfood hypertension and diabetus

You wont havta pay fer the damage and injury ur drug habits didta ur fatherless, bred-fer-prison kids

You wont be getting billed fer overfertilizin or mixin toxics with reciclables in ur overflowin trash can

Stay kickd back in ur exceptionist easy chair cause ur already pre-approved fer a good seat in heaven

Relax, polar bears aint bringin no class action suits and nobody’s goin ta jail fer lame climate change

We aint grantin slum kids no miyons fer they smog-induced asthma and lead-caused brain damage

All them extermenated indians aint gettin nothin just cuz they got up in the waya r manyfest destiny

And them jews’ll just be lucky if they dont get turned on fer like the 50^th time, again, real soon now

Them too weak ta raise they voices will be heaped higher wif injusteces, on out to the event horizon

We gotta keep movin forward so you wont see no disgraced former leaders ever brought to justice

Dyin butterflies and bees aint got no public defenders or prosecutin attorneys overta ther side

Wont be no disaster aid comin toanya god’s cretures who lost ther homes on them dyin coral reefs

Who you gonna petition fer relief from the vast swarmsa precious humans just wantin the good life?

Nobody’s liable fer destroyin that livin envirnment that makes alla r triviel pursuts even possible

No patriotic cleancoal lobbyist’ll be fined fer workin hard ta save traditional families jobs and money

Wont nobody be sued when ther aint no more fossil water left tabe sucked outta them aqwefers

Thaint no fund set aside ta compensate the future fer our wasteful and arrogantly-willful destruction

Aint gonna be no class action suits on behalfa victims athat mass extinction we’re so blindly perpin

That illegal World Court cant rule that r overpopulation is the only problem that we really shud solve

Honest citizens wont be gettin no bills for soil destruction and deforestation or pesticide abuse

Nobody’s representin ocean plankton doomed to eat our microplastic litter thats fillin up they homes

Bangaledeshis wont have recourse or insurance when ther land is warshed away by risin sea levels

The gumint aint gonna pay out for lettin miyonsa lives be rooined jist ta get more alcohol tax money

Overpaid doctors wont be brought to justice fer pushing hi-tech procedures over simple pervention

Wont be no CEO bonus clawbacks fer offshorin research, production and support ta raise stock prices

& nobodys gonna bring suit aginst us on behalf of the grandkids whose lives we have impoverished

Let A Deplorable Freedom Ring

Hey! Caint nobody tell us not ta suck down 42oz. BigGulps all day long…if that’s what we wanna do

Aint the gotdam goverments biness if I wanna injoy triple beef bacon cheeseburgers ever damn day

And I kin drive my loud, giant, jackedup pickup any way I want cause I’m the one payin fer her fuel

Ya see, them are choices I make all on my own - And aint that what our sacred fureedom’s all about?

They flat caint make me go ta somedamn spensive health club and do whatever st00pid exercisin

Aint nobody got no right ta make em putt the freakin calories all over the place, way up in my face

eFinARight right we aint standin fer no assault weapon ban, ammo trackin or background checks

By god our kids love hotdogs and it’s about our freedom of choice - not them washinton regelaters

Its like that reciclin BS - Why on gods green earth would enybudy do that if they wasnt brainwashed?

We caint let the bastards choke off our patriotic coal industry and deny us our energy independunce

And them traitorous liberals are all the time tryin to give over our precious sovernty ta them UN nutz

So sicka know-it-all women govermint esperts tryin tatell us not to eat stuff that tastes just great

Look, the only thing them regelaters ever do is cost us honest, hardworkin folks lotsa jobs and money

Gotta stop them teachin that sinful, unproved evilution and bring back school prayer and bible study

We jest gotta repeal that unconstetutional obamacare socialist government healthcare takeover mess

And we also hafta end alla that wasted ferin aid thats financin our enemies and bankruptin us

I gots ever right ta use my SUV as a 3 ton personal air-conditioner or heater wherever I’m idlin in it

Get the damn FDA outta my like colun with their fool rants about baloney, sausage and pepperoni

Pull that disgustin NPR & PBS crap off the air cause a free people are sicka payin fer their elitist lies

Closedown that job-killin EPA, fire alla their burycrats and roll back everona they overreachin rulins

Hey, we dinit fight thather Revelooshunerie War ta be takin over by their revoltin seculer socialism

Aint spendin nethin on that messa bad science, twisted facts and lies athat so-called climate change

It’s high time we stud up ta be counted as aginst them preverted dope smokers tryinta enslave us all

Won’t see me all like knotted up in ther confusin details when there’s a good black or white choice

Wont let em demotivate our heroic job creaters by takin from them ta waste on alla them moochers

Damn straight I deserved ta have my bogus credit card debt written off - so I could go get some more

We support tappin all calls, posts and tweets cause honest, freedom-lovin citizens got nethin ta fear

Aint never givin up eatin outta fastfood plastic fer that godawful brocolli or pusish tofu

Not gonna stand fer them turnin this land into the USSA – United Socialist States of America, No Sir!

I say turn the firehoses on them idiots tryin ta WTF? humanize our efficient family meat production

We demand access ta all our public lands and we aint talkin about gotdam lameazz hikin, neither

And you jest better keep yer greedy, socialistic hands wayaway from my medicare, by the way

Well, hell no we aint payin no taxes jest cuz they foreclosed on our underwater, former ATM, house

Gotta keep them thievin illegales outta here but you kin bet I aint pickin no shitty vegetables

Elitists got it rigged sos only they kin git elected - By promisin more benes and not ta raise no taxes

We stand shoulderTashoulder with the 1% ta maintain our divinely-ordained constitutional freedoms

Look, All Men Are Created Equal, Really.

We hold this <unsubstantiated> truth to be self-evident…

I am of those tangled family lines raised in public housing by a single parent for some 5 generations

My parents lay in bed reading child-raising books and playing Mozart to me - inside mommy’s womb

My mom didn’t know she was pregnant or cut back on partAing until I was 4 months inside her tummy

Mommie took vitamin and nutritional supplements, had lots of ultrasounds and walked on a treadmill

My dad smacked the shit right out my momma and lefup outta here before I ever seen him

My parents took birthing classes together before I was ever conceived

Cigarettes helped my mother relieve her sufferings from withdrawal during my fetal development

She always killed 99.97% of all the germs in our safe and lovely suburban home

The teachers could see that I was doomed to failure from my earliest school days, so they ignored me

Everyone always assured my family that I certainly was an especially gifted and high-achieving child

I amused my growing brain by peeling off flakes of lead-filled paint to chew upon

I had so much warmth and stimulation that it appeared to them that I grew wise before my years

We got our nutrition from government programs that paid for us to eat from cans and cellophane

My developing mind and body were nurtured by the very best in current pop science nutrition wisdom

I had project TVs and boomboxes pumping rap and ad music into my crib 24x7 that got me my rhythm

My mom drove me to pre-kindergarten classes and play dates starting before I was 3

I was shuffled in with my drunk grannie by social services when mom lost our welfare apartment

I was surrounded and nurtured by grandparents, uncles and aunts all the days of my childhood

Nobody even noticed I needed glasses til I accidentally got my first eye test one day in the 5^th grade

Mom kept me strictly to the various meds they prescribed for the tragic ADHD masking my brilliance

I was chauffeured to all kinds of lessons and sports activities every day after school and all weekend

I learned independence being a latchkey kid whose only parent was off hoin fuh hart drugs

Everyone assured my folks from the very beginning that I would attend a very good college

School stopped working for me once I got pregnant for the first time, in the 9^th grade

I had a pet dog named Tuffie that I still miss to this day

I grew up with rats, roaches, lice, scabies and bedbugs as well as asthma

My slightly crooked smile was repaired for less than $5000

My teeth were soaked in sugar until they all rotted and simply fell out before I ever saw a dentist

We flew off to pricey destinations for all our well-deserved spring, summer and holiday breaks

We stole a car and took a joyride way out to where everbody knew we dinaha no biness

I occasionally mowed our perfectly green lawn for an extra $150 a month spending allowance

They showed me how ta make money carryin bags of whatever stuff around fa them

Now I have these allergies and auto-immune disorders and they say it’s cause I never got dirty

Shivved an enemy banger in a prison fight who turned out to be some uncle I neva even knew I hat

Spent 6 years part-Aing to get my degree in Communications and then became this chatty barista

Don’t run the screets nomo cause these bullet wounds left me all limpin an huffin like some old fool

I Have A Nightmare

"Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!" – MLK, “I have a dream”, 8/28/63.

I saw the few of us still remaining struggle uselessly, yet in total savagery over spoiled foodstuffs

I realized they were free at last of oppressive government oversight - as well as any yoke of morality

Freed they were - from concerns over mass extinctions, global warming and their own toxic emissions

No longer did they need to ignore elevated blood pressure, weight, blood sugar and cholesterol

Not just all the free healthcare and abortion clinics, but ALL of the clinics and hospitals were closed

There was no more Monday Nite Football and nobody would ever commute angrily back to work again

I watched them lovingly exact the violent vengeance that their society had so long denied them

Laughed hysterically as fictional climate change somehow made their exceptionist land uninhabitable

Found that the best survival strategy for the kids was to combine a loud violence with selfishness

No longer did folks need to choose between poisoned factory produce and costly but wilted organics

And no one questioned their sacred right to bear arms since they were so often taking sniper fire

Found the vast number of now-useless and abandoned fossil fuel vehicles to be strangely disquieting

Saw how women caught out alone became the legitimate target of gang rape and brutal violence

Strangers were shot on sight or forced into cruel slavery without any questions or any legal recourse

Useless skills such as reading and writing were forgotten except by those called on to read the bible

Obesity and lifestyle ills quickly disappeared in peoples whose average life expectancy was only 31

The old, infirm and sick all died at their natural pace without more than familial concern for care

Vast poisoned agribusiness regions left untended, ever so slowly regained a pre-industrial state

Diptheria, rheumatic fever, measles returned to claim many kids who had even survived childbirth

Toilet tissue became but a cultural memory that turned into a fanciful legend in a single generation

I have a nightmare where vast numbers of our obese and ignorant populace simply disappear at once

Gays retreated back to the closet or were killed and abortion was performed only with boot heels

The wounded and handicapped were left behind with a bit of food and a small plastic jug of water

They carried tattered flags about until they all fell to pieces, and no more ever arrived from China

They finally did reduce, refurbish, repurpose and recycle, but only out of hungry stone age necessity

Despite our destructive habits, the earth gradually recovered thanks to our huge population decrease

After the entitlements ended, torches and pitchforks rooted out quivering executives and politicians

Greenhouse emissions finally cratered when all the power plants and refineries were abandoned

No longer were we agitated by unmuffled pickups, jetskis, snowmachines, ATVs, dirtbikes and sirens

Factory fishing ceased quite suddenly and devastated ocean stocks at last began slowly to recover

Prices for bluefin tuna and elephant ivory bottomed with no elite class to sustain that vanity demand

Hot water was only available if boiled over an open fire and kids speculated about electrical outlets

Half-wild dogs and open firepits once again became of utmost importance to our very survival

Unconstitutional taxes were replaced by bribes and sex for protection by petty and violent warlords

They no longer needed to complain about the increasing entitlements and more tax cuts for the rich

But by god, we are all created a helluva lot more equal given the universal squalor of all our lives

A Far Left Elitist Confesses

Oliver:”Hello, my alias is ‘Jarred‘ and I am an elitist and I need to share our secret agenda with you.” Group: “Hello, Jarred”

We will force you from your pickups and SUVs into costly, cramped, dangerous and sexless electrics

Our agenda includes confiscating and recycling all of your firearms as we increase our own stockpiles

We demand you surrender our overblown national sovereignty to that socialist UN New World Order

You must enjoy scraggly overpriced organic kale instead of tortured doublemeat baconcheeseburgers

Our government simply must spend trillions for global warming even if we aren’t really sure it exists

We’ll smother your ignorant and loud free speech beneath our wet blanket of political correctness

Your individual contributions shall be brutally downplayed given our focus upon group cohesiveness

Doctors must submit lists of the excess elderly for review by our obamacare death panel bureaucrats

FOX News will be shut down and be replaced by our taxpayer-funded, socialist public-broadcasting

Our stated aims will over-regulate this fair country into bankruptcy, depression and universal poverty

Our mantra is “Tax And Spend by Taking from the rich to waste on the bureaucracy of the poor…”

Everyone must be forced not only to recycle everything but to pay thru the nose for the intrusion

We intend to further cripple the military, leaving us open to terrorist attack and foreign domination

We will replace worship of those in NFL tights with an elitist need for french cyclists, also in spandex

Your home thermostats and vehicle accelerators shall be controlled by bureaucrats in Washington

Property rights will be trampled under the rubric of saving a few filthy rodents and drab, tiny birds

Gas taxes are to be quadrupled and domestic drilling shall be completely ended as soon as possible

The government will choose winning green energy companies to give huge and condition-less grants

We will transform the world such that it appears as if all citizens were handicapped in every fashion

There will be a national LGBT holiday for those vast new hordes of government workers on the dole

Instead of overbearing cosmetized talking heads shouting we shall fund only boring reasoned debates

Your lovely manicured, green lawns must wither to save water and to halt your poisoned yard runoff

Bureaucrats will determine when and how many children you are allowed to bear and abort the rest

Ranchers may only watch as cattle are killed by wolves and bears on newly confiscated gov’t lands

We intend to nationalize all golf courses and turn them into brown, unmotorized bird sanctuaries

You will report for exercise every morning before work or pay a stiff fine to be used for obamacare

Under our regime, broccoli and tofu will replace burgers and fries and people must say they like it

Work shall no longer be viewed as a key element in helping our population form positive self-images

Our secular-socialist welfare state will promise an ever-increasing stream of entitlements - For votes

Businesses will be bankrupted when we bind the federal minimum wage to the cost of living index

The poor will be paid by the government to reject undignified and/or unsatisfying job opportunities

Unemployment will be seamlessly joined to disability & then to social security for those not working

Snowmobiles, jetskis, dirtbikes, ATVs, speedboats and Harleys will taxed out of existence, ASAP

We fully intend to grant amnesty & welfare to illegal aliens as well as welcoming their entire families

New limits on noise pollution shall be strictly enforced by our Neighborhood Citizen Committees

Your trash will be taxed by weight and black ribbons will identify wasteful consumer homes to all

She’s All-American, Made In Chana

My blond girlfriend knows all the designer labels that come on her wayoverpriced high fashion outfits

But she couldn’t exactly say where her clothes or the pounds of cosmetics she trowels on come from

But those and alla her hair dyes, perfumes, shoes, and nail polish come straight outta Chana, too

Still, the brandnames of her cheapmade but expensive designer shit sound real honest and American

Her (i)Pod/Pad/Phone were also all built by them abused peasant serfs and she don’t know or care

Allathem too-cute disposable party favors for her sorority part_As are made by them little Asians, too

She don’t notice it, but her “Wild Alaska Salmon” also says “Product of Chana” in really teeny letters

But her booty is purely American…just like all the air inside her pretty and entitled little head

She’s a real internationalist cause she got drunk and thew up down in Cancun during spring break

She supports our boys overseas and it don’t matter that she caint find any Whateverstans on a map

Feels safe ridin in that 8 fat passenger SUV lookin out over top athem teeny, uncomfortable hybrids

Helps ta dress the poor with all the stuff others buy for her that she tosses out without wearin twice

Knows how to order only the best when somebody else takes her out to eat at a nice restaurant

But she don’t overeat, well, least not in public, so they just throw out half of what goes on her plate

Stays out of the way in the kitchen cause she never has learned how to cook and its yucky anyways

Knows lots of stars by first names and follows them like theyas close friends on that social media

She’s a real footbawl fan and always sets out the good chips and salsa with cold beer for her boys

Absolutely sure she’s the very entitled, exceptionist queen here in ThE Greatest Country On Earth

Not more than 10-12 lbs overweight, she’s got an expensive health club membership - if she needs it

Hardly misses a day in the tanning booth except when she can lay out by the apartment pool

Never had a job and certainly never expects to do more than maybe whatever volunteer or somethin

Got a degree in like business and she could pass that real estate exam anytime she really wanted to

But, she knows that welfare is for moochers and that medicare needs to be cut way back, real soon

Posts cute pictures of her and her friends dressed up and insists them smartphone sexts aint her

She’s an expert on makeup trends and she’s on top of all the latest in hollywood hairstyles

Gets a pedicure from a nice cambodian lady once a month whether she needs it or not

Never misses a day on the Pill and she knows that all abortions are simply the murder of little babies

The inside of her mouth costed more than years of fatherless children’s government assistance

Spends hours getting rid of unwanted hair but, on like reading and stuff - Not so much

Stays protected from elitists tryin ta enslave the world by not havin any real opinions of her own

Aint a natural smell comin out any parta her beautiful body

Why she could probably be that Next Supermodel if she really wanted to

Demandin equal pay but she’s gotta leave early again, and thanks for holding the door

Knows real well how to uptalk to the household help almost like they were real family or friends

Totally aware of what stuff she likes costs but not the faintest idea how much work it takes to earn it

Yup, she’s the flower and spirit of this great country and the reason we fight so hard for our freedom