Wow,
I need a gun here right now, nexta my pillow cuz what if them UN
helicopters hover tonight...
OK,
what if that big black hand reaches into my window… later on when
everybody else is fast asleep
I
keep it warm and well-hidden, right next to my skin - on the way to
church each Sunday morning
And
it feels so good when I touch off a few rounds and some prairie dogs
or such vermin just explode
I
expeschilly like rubbing that smooth barrel up and down while
it’s still warm and smoking
With
this shapely 30 shot automatic in hand I’m ready to stand my ground
- Anytime and anywhere
Hey,
I’m just harking back to them good old pilgrim fathers who chiseled
out our holy constitution
Yup,
the right to deadly force is among the most deeply-rooteda alla our
sacred tradishnal
vayues
The
very idea of even regelatin assault weapons sets my proud, violent,
radicalized blood ta boilin
What
we actually need are neighborhood anti-tank and anti-aircraft
brigades ta foil CIA incursions
Why,
at this very moment I could squeeze one off in the face of a drugged
carjacker or pushy cicylist
God
bless the NRA cause, whoa baby, I really need all my guns right here,
right beside me, right now
Took
a firearm safety class with my 3rd grader and now she just
loves to go shooting with her Daddy
Sitting
quietly on my lap, she counts the shells in her chamber as we break
down our pistols together
The
wife’s got a very ladylike .38 she slips right on down into her
purse as she heads in for a pedicure
To
me, being armed is like being dressed, and you best believe I
don’t even hop inta bed neked
The
certainty that I have the power ta solve social problems by ending
lives colers alla my actitudes
And,
as everybody knows from the Good Book, jesus spoke out against gun
control plots way long ago
For
He commends us not only against the infidels but demands we take an
eye for an eye and stuff
It’s
a win-win-win situation combining our sacred religious duty with
patriotism and sensual pleasure
Good
God, I need my guns like I need ta eat every day and that’s really
all I shudhafta say about that
Whenever
I leave the house I got my checklist: Wallet, cellphone, handgun,
BigGulp, sunglasses, keys
Hey,
dont you think I dont know them socialist hivers meanta rob meamy
godgiven right ta bear arms
But
when the shit hits the fan, we’ll take off for the woods in my
pickup loaded with rifles and ammo
After
all, guns are a big parta what it means to be a Man here in The
Greatest country on the planet
Yup,
from pilgrim ta cowboy ta redneck an honored heavily-armed tradition
been handed down ta me
We
aint standin fer no weapons tracking, smart guns or fingerprinted
ammo, either, no gotdam way!
The
feds got no right to know what I got up here in my home arsenal but
they can tap them tweeters
I
need a gun or I wunna feel complete and my whole lifestyle would not
make any real sense…
It’s
even more than self-protection, why, it has a lot to do with who I am
and what I truly believe in
Them
occasional mass killings simply prove that our citizens needs to
remain ever armed and vigilant
Yea,
in a righteous world 4 or 5 civilians would open up on wack shooters
anywhere, public or private
Yup,
I read that American Rifleman magazine in the privacy of my bathroom
and God bless my guns
You
might as well ask me to give up good old red
meat as to surrender my treasured, shiny firearms
Ya
see, gun control actually should only be about keeping a steady aim
and a smooth trigger finger
So,
I’ll see you down to that next gunshow in Arizona, checkin out
bikinis & unregistered automatics
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