Sunday, January 5, 2014

Gimme That Good Old Red Meat - Cheap!


Hell, after all, “They're only animals
Them vegans make me laugh, always whinin about some food animal holocaust goin on all around us
I jest ignore tales of atrocities committed on the spicy buffalo wings I suck down with good cold beer
Whatever antibiotic overuse dont really breed whatever resistant bacteria thats gonna get insida me
Why, I never even notice them smelly trucks goin by crammed with cattle shittin in each others faces

I say let the market decide how to handle em sos to put the cheapest meat on our good family tables
I don’t ever think about chicks confined to tiny, no-turn-around spaces pecking at each other’s faces
Hey, I’m OK ignoring highly automated mass production of inferior, food-grade life forms…fer profit
Look, if Chinese peasants work 16 hrs/day and sleep 20 to a room, why should piglets giteny better?

Aint listening ta their blatherin bout 3000 cows releasing the untreated shit ofa halfa-miyon people
Its not my problem if farms squeezed by Tyson choke Chesapeake oysters in untreated chicken crap
I support freedom-loving ranchers overgrazing, trampling and shitting in streams on our federal lands
And we must control any predators threatening their ruggedly-independent, gov’t-subsidized lifestyle

Just hush your fool squallin bout torturin them herd animals with an efficient solitary confinement
And stop promotin some fictional terror driving them thru dark lines at them bloody slaughterhouses
We’ll take our meat plastic-packaged and quite as unemotional as our Doritos, Thank you very much
Not interested in pichers athem layin in toxic muck in feedlots, Hey, they dont even know any better

Cost accountants and production engineers kin make the morally-right husbandry decisions fer us all
And our kids love squeezing extruded hamburg outta plastic cylinders lubricated with that pink slime
We laugh at the stupid lie that feedlot practices make our juicy grilled steaks wicked-carcinogenic
Hey, I aint looking at their faces! I just pick out their packaged parts in bright, clean, friendly stores

Simply refuse ta hear lame rants about red meat and nitrates causing all like heart attacks and shit
Really enjoy reaching for a good old doublemeat, bacon cheeseburger from my truck at the drivethru
Not concerned with the raw materials, but I do keep a close eye on the pricea finished meat goods
Meat’s just a part of our divinely-ordained dominion over this wonerful world He created jest fer us

Anyways, dumb animals have neither soul nor reason and they don’t feel pain, much less emotions
So, gahead - Truck them factory inputs around jest like theyas lumber, gas, beer or chinese drywall
After all, we been enjoyin meat for miyons ayears, we still need it to survive and we need it cheap
Ya know, them steers ain’t our kids pet dogs or something and it aint at all like damn cannibalism

I say ‘Out of Sight and Out of Mind’ until I get em up and sizzling on my $1500 backyard barbecue
See, the thoughts of real men don’t include nethin regardin the dignity and emotional needsa hawgs
An I’m sickta death athem elitist lies about sausage, bacon, salami and hotdogs rottin out my colun
Were bein good stewards: after all, we manage their lives from birth decon to slaugherhouse disposal

Look, I just gotta have some juicy red meat at least twice a day or my feminine side starts to emerge
And how can my boys grow up ta kill or be killed if I feed em that pusy damn tofu and soft white rice
I could care if they fatten cows on grain we could eat but they caint digest and then need more drugs
Intermsa meat, the Wal*Mart price philosophy does the trick fer us good traditional working families

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