Tao Te KaChing

 “The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao” – Lao Tsu, 600 B.C.

The Tao that can be revealed at a general shareholder meeting certainly is not the Insider Tao

The unimaginably-large and non-retractable bonus remains the source of ten thousand schemes

Never seeing the luxurious baubles of their CEO prevents confusion in the hearts of his loyal workers

The good executive is like water, assuming the shape of any corporate fishbowl in which he is placed

The CEO knows to stay behind (closed and guarded teak doors) and thus is he able to remain ahead

The sage says ‘better to stop short than fill to the brim’ and so it is with labor wages and benefits

Loudly proclaim wealth and disaster will follow, therefore float silently off neath golden parachutes

He claims absolute control over all things corporate, yet will always insist he knew of nothing illegal

Precious baubles lead the greedy CEO astray, thus must his compensation package annually increase

Subtly counseling workers to accept conditions as simple fate allows true leaders to slash benefits

Though their value cannot be seen, heard or held, wise boards bid up a CEO’s immeasurable services

They are the form of the formless and the face of the faceless – that 1% driven off behind tinted glass

The kernel of their knowledge is amorphous as the hollow of caves or the opaqueness of muddy pools

Policy prohibits them commenting on investigations but at bonus time the CEO will proclaim ‘I did it’

When media wisdom and pundit intelligence were born, then did their great pretense truly began

When the country became confused and in chaos then did these faux-loyal ministers first slither forth

Having abandoned kindness and renounced morality, they urge subordinates to filial piety and love

Following the Tao Te KaChing they know: There is no difference between Yes and No, Good and Evil

The ancients said ‘Yield and Overcome’, thus do they asskiss, backbite and shoulder-climb to the top

If heaven and earth cannot make things eternal the CEO employs outsourcing, temping and layoffs

Boasting achieves nothing, bragging does not endure so true CEOs strive to amass a superstars wealth

Shareholders know: The four great powers of the universe are the Tao, Heaven, Earth and the Bonus

The CEO, traveling all day, does not lose sight of personal gain, despite the 10000 beautiful things

The wise CorproClone retains his early humility: In his fictionalized and ghost-written autobiography

Many mergers are hard, some may fail: Thus, the sage CEO only works under an ironclad contract

When many are terminated, he mourns as if in sorrow, eyeing his huge bonus as if at a funeral

He reports footnoted results, never boasts in public and quietly deposits what is, his life’s meaning

His perseverance is a sign of the willpower of those unable to feel rich by seeing they have enough

Descriptions of the CEO seem without substance, invisible and silent, yet his great need is palpable

Like fish which cannot leave deep waters they must remain locked behind those rich mahogany doors

Good leaders model values but managers enforce rules, so a VP only smiles as minions do his bidding

Having lost goodness, kindness and justice, they rely on ritual - that empty husk of faith and loyalty

The CEO hears of the Tao and laughs, praise be, for without laughter the Tao would not be what it is

For pursuing wealth he acquires something daily, but pursuing the Tao he would lose a thing each day

The visionary CEO knows if his workers exist on the edge they will not falsely overvalue human life

Anonymous and irresponsible they feign a sorrowful humility when exposed at last to stockholders

Faking Political Correctness

I finally heard, and sometimes even heed, an inner voice saying that its a good time to just shut up

But really, I’m only acting nice, trying to avoid the guilt and shame that follows useless confrontation

So, don’t mistake my thoughtful silence for quiet acceptance – actually, I’m just being kind to myself

And as I nod while you speak, please understand it only means I hear you: Definitely not that I concur

You must realize that I have learned if I can’t say something agreeable, I will say something trivial

In fact, be quite sure that I’m just as likely silently and sarcastically damning you as supporting you

And if I quietly change the subject to something neutral, it’s only to avert a useless, angry escalation

Fact is, I’m simply being nice to avoid being sullied by wasting my own foolish adrenaline on nothing

Be advised I am not really nice, I am not very friendly and I often find your canned opinions repulsive

But I am striving to remain non-confrontational, just trying to avoid any angry but worthless flare-ups

I just want to remain nice and soft, like cottage cheese or tepid oatmeal, at least in your opinion

Please note that, really, I wouldn’t mind confronting you in my very harshest loud and angry tones

So, yeah, I’m being nice with unruffled feathers, staying all like politically correct instead of cursing

Offering what I hope appears as neutral silence rather than pointedly telling you exactly what I think

But even though now you know, dont you dare to confront me or we’ll brand you as a nonteam player

Let’s get thru our mandatory interactions without overt anger and I’ll happily part, without any guilt

I will be most falsely-courteous and faux-friendly to you during our forced face time at big meetings

Since I’ve seen the power of being politely passively-aggressive I’ll only denounce you covertly

I just want for you to believe that I am being nice so we can avoid any friction on all the real issues

Slipping, I’ll apologize for misspeaking or say that I was misunderstood: But not sorry for what I said

Trust me, I chafe under all this enforced politeness for it forces me to swallow my own vile hypocrisy

Still, it beats being soaked in bitter and guilty recrimination for many days after each confrontation

And I’m also being nice to avoid the real concealed weapons of all the personal liberty zealots I cross

Don’t want to take a bullet from a road-raged freedom lover goaded on by his far-too-personal savior

I’m being nice to keep my blood pressure down and my criminal record clean - Not to appease you

No need to worry, though, cause I’m no back-biting, tattletale puke ready to stab you in the back But dont even be surprised when decisions made privately on big projects deny your empty blustering

Yet hopefully you find out later I detested you and your little friends but for now: See my fake smile

I'm absolutely not preaching violence but being nice doesn’t mean I support your silly, vain agenda

I’m not being nice to win your friendship, trust or co-operation: It’s for my own selfish peace of mind

I also know it does no good to call you out to your politically correct, simply rule-enforcing manager

So, don’t you think I am smiling with you cause I’m really chuckling at your loud and ignorant pride

Been thru too many embarrassing after-situations and humiliating post-confrontations to speak up

It’s not worth it to act out for 5 minutes when the guilty payback lasts 5 weeks and nothing changes

But, observing your latest outburst, I derive a real satisfaction knowing it was not me this time

So though your foolish bullshit spoils any teamwork, I wont lose any sleep - Because I am Being Nice