White Men To The Rear

Sir excuse me, Sir! could you please not be so loud? It makes us all so nervous we simply cannot think

You must learn to give equal opportunity so we can take our fair places, so, you just get to the back

Wait, wait, wait – Is that a handicapped non-veteran back there? Send him up if he’s vegan and quiet

Gays step forward, you’re coming up front with us - to remake the world in a more fashionable image

We don’t need to work 60 hr weeks to get ahead for we must attain a balanced life with equal pay

No, you dont get disability just cuz as a kid they always drugged you up ta make ya stay still in school

GaHead just ride off into the sunset with a 6Pack in ur ram tough truck - and dont bother comin back

Yeah, you better find meaning on yer Harley cuz you aint gonna get no satisfaction at work no more

You been in charge too long so you must just graciously step down…into impoverished minority status

Your good old boy network is racist and sexist, unlike empowerment groups for women, gays & blacks

Anyway, you do know damn well real men don’t go and whine at like whatever girly support meetings

Maybe that loud and doltish pride in your virgin ignorance will keep seeing you thru…or maybe not

You better start developing some kind of a handicap to ensure your place in our brave new workforce

After all, you cant pass the physical, mental or drug tests required to serve in our great armed forces

No, no! - Your obesity, high blood pressure and cholesterol don’t count towards our handicap quota

There’s no money to retrain you cause we gotta teach english to your amnestied illegal replacements

You aint never been victimsa prejudice so thers no reason ta create new entitlement programs faya

And don’t you go try startin white men only like awareness groups or such you neo-nazi monsters

Better start takin classes in metrosexuality sos you can communicate properly with yer new superiors

You can sleep well knowing you contribute to social equality - By givin up a decent standard of living

You’re right - Taking on college debt would be a bad investment because you’ll be hired the very last

Yes, you must pay child support & lifetime alimony even though she makes way more than you do

You’ll be the last ones to get affordable dental care but you’ll always be on your own for your eyes

By the way, keep yer nasty football viewing habit to yourselves and out of polite office conversations

Get used ta suckin up ta bored, fat and feisty womenAcolor government welfare administrators

Don’t even think about goin on some shootin rampage, just put that gun in yer own mouth, in silence

No, we don’t want no novels depicting empty struggles after yer fall from an entitled redneck grace

Sure, you can still vote, gahead: Choose any from our progressive slate of truly entitled minorities

You done lazed, drank and swilled yerselves sick and now a loud and arrogant pride is all you got left

You been outbred and outhustled by unending wavesa job-stealin immigrints and single mothers

You stay with the Fox ta make outraged soundbite sensea this corrupt and unfairly rigged new system

Hey, Look - ya still got yer personal savior who kin explain alla them overcomplicated issues taya

Better get used ta findin meanin in housecleanin and satisfaction from coupon clippin & kid schleppin

Learn not to get mad when yer ignored, rejected, forgotten, blown off, put down and laughed at

Realize that yer kids start off behind but then wont get the chances that others just take for granted

Best you adopt that victim mentality and pick up on the pro-moocher mindset…just sos ta get by

Look, All Men Are Created Equal, Really.

We hold this <unsubstantiated> truth to be self-evident…

I am of those tangled family lines raised in public housing by a single parent for some 5 generations

My parents lay in bed reading child-raising books and playing Mozart to me - inside mommy’s womb

My mom didn’t know she was pregnant or cut back on partAing until I was 4 months inside her tummy

Mommie took vitamin and nutritional supplements, had lots of ultrasounds and walked on a treadmill

My dad smacked the shit right out my momma and lefup outta here before I ever seen him

My parents took birthing classes together before I was ever conceived

Cigarettes helped my mother relieve her sufferings from withdrawal during my fetal development

She always killed 99.97% of all the germs in our safe and lovely suburban home

The teachers could see that I was doomed to failure from my earliest school days, so they ignored me

Everyone always assured my family that I certainly was an especially gifted and high-achieving child

I amused my growing brain by peeling off flakes of lead-filled paint to chew upon

I had so much warmth and stimulation that it appeared to them that I grew wise before my years

We got our nutrition from government programs that paid for us to eat from cans and cellophane

My developing mind and body were nurtured by the very best in current pop science nutrition wisdom

I had project TVs and boomboxes pumping rap and ad music into my crib 24x7 that got me my rhythm

My mom drove me to pre-kindergarten classes and play dates starting before I was 3

I was shuffled in with my drunk grannie by social services when mom lost our welfare apartment

I was surrounded and nurtured by grandparents, uncles and aunts all the days of my childhood

Nobody even noticed I needed glasses til I accidentally got my first eye test one day in the 5^th grade

Mom kept me strictly to the various meds they prescribed for the tragic ADHD masking my brilliance

I was chauffeured to all kinds of lessons and sports activities every day after school and all weekend

I learned independence being a latchkey kid whose only parent was off hoin fuh hart drugs

Everyone assured my folks from the very beginning that I would attend a very good college

School stopped working for me once I got pregnant for the first time, in the 9^th grade

I had a pet dog named Tuffie that I still miss to this day

I grew up with rats, roaches, lice, scabies and bedbugs as well as asthma

My slightly crooked smile was repaired for less than $5000

My teeth were soaked in sugar until they all rotted and simply fell out before I ever saw a dentist

We flew off to pricey destinations for all our well-deserved spring, summer and holiday breaks

We stole a car and took a joyride way out to where everbody knew we dinaha no biness

I occasionally mowed our perfectly green lawn for an extra $150 a month spending allowance

They showed me how ta make money carryin bags of whatever stuff around fa them

Now I have these allergies and auto-immune disorders and they say it’s cause I never got dirty

Shivved an enemy banger in a prison fight who turned out to be some uncle I neva even knew I hat

Spent 6 years part-Aing to get my degree in Communications and then became this chatty barista

Don’t run the screets nomo cause these bullet wounds left me all limpin an huffin like some old fool