Vainerabilities: The Vulnerabilities Of Vanity

He was this so-handsome man with the world at his fingertips, lots of money and boy what a charmer

She could have done anything but she just couldn’t resist racing out every time a camera appeared

Unable to admit he might have made a mistake he was forced to stay the course & never flip-flop

Her looks assured her that she deserved to be served the good life: Cars,clothes,jewels & McMansions

He failed at manual or intellectual labor but starred reading other’s speeches during big meetings

Being dressed fashionably was obviously her extreme priority…because other people would notice

His career & fame went off like a skyrocket but, as always, he just had to fondle one more bimbo

In the end, she fell into a fatal depression troweling on layers of makeup that could not hide her age

Sitting in his sports car with a young woman he did not feel like the wrinkled old fool in the rearview

She tried hard not to notice the liver spots crowding in on her pounds of expensive jewelry

The only time he professed ignorance was when his minions were caught performing his illegal orders

They both knew they were different, and a cut above the oh-so ordinary masses bred to serve them

He found it very satisfying to have waiters, servants & administrative assistants fawning upon him

He designed a giant vacation home they never used that was so hideous his estate could not sell it

Every one of the many cars he owned always had to be cleaned and shined religiously - By others

She knew for sure that everyone was looking at her as they graced the toney shopping streets

Happiness was seeing themselves properly projected on some media or another for all to see

They never really had time to study others except those rivals who got more attention than they did

He’d lend his name to most any charity so long as he got top billing in the slick advertising campaign

The ForSale signs at all her listings simply had to give over the most space to her frozen botox smile

When they finally arrested him he had already wasted his swindled millions on vapid faux-luxuries

She knew that they were both above and outside of most laws, which were obviously meant for losers

He loved that feeling of importance having an expensive lawyer as his mouthpiece to the crowds

They enjoyed sipping champagne in their firstclass seats watching as the cattle crowd slowly boarded

He fondled his combover between every sales call as he checked his winning smile in the mirror

It was obvious to her that the pursuit of happiness meant her winning at any cost to her opponents

He needed that bonus more than the employees he laidoff and outsourced to get it could ever grasp

But, way too shortly after finally filling his 19 car garage, that gnawing emptiness began once again

She enjoyed having men lust after her as she passed by gazing haughtily away, her nose held high

They both lovingly maintained deep tans despite all those FDA warnings they very smirkingly ignored

She felt so attractive in high heels she wore them until she couldn’t walk normally at all, anymore

He was the one they always counted on to charm cranky widows into investing heavily with their firm

They were quite miffed when police officers disregarded their tantrums and simply handcuffed them

Their children were mere props in their photo-essay, quickly handed back to domestics with accents

But you see, it wasn’t their fault, for they had been praised & coddled since birth for their looks

Surely they couldn’t be blamed for feeling entitled given all the little people holding doors for them?

White Men To The Rear

Sir excuse me, Sir! could you please not be so loud? It makes us all so nervous we simply cannot think

You must learn to give equal opportunity so we can take our fair places, so, you just get to the back

Wait, wait, wait – Is that a handicapped non-veteran back there? Send him up if he’s vegan and quiet

Gays step forward, you’re coming up front with us - to remake the world in a more fashionable image

We don’t need to work 60 hr weeks to get ahead for we must attain a balanced life with equal pay

No, you dont get disability just cuz as a kid they always drugged you up ta make ya stay still in school

GaHead just ride off into the sunset with a 6Pack in ur ram tough truck - and dont bother comin back

Yeah, you better find meaning on yer Harley cuz you aint gonna get no satisfaction at work no more

You been in charge too long so you must just graciously step down…into impoverished minority status

Your good old boy network is racist and sexist, unlike empowerment groups for women, gays & blacks

Anyway, you do know damn well real men don’t go and whine at like whatever girly support meetings

Maybe that loud and doltish pride in your virgin ignorance will keep seeing you thru…or maybe not

You better start developing some kind of a handicap to ensure your place in our brave new workforce

After all, you cant pass the physical, mental or drug tests required to serve in our great armed forces

No, no! - Your obesity, high blood pressure and cholesterol don’t count towards our handicap quota

There’s no money to retrain you cause we gotta teach english to your amnestied illegal replacements

You aint never been victimsa prejudice so thers no reason ta create new entitlement programs faya

And don’t you go try startin white men only like awareness groups or such you neo-nazi monsters

Better start takin classes in metrosexuality sos you can communicate properly with yer new superiors

You can sleep well knowing you contribute to social equality - By givin up a decent standard of living

You’re right - Taking on college debt would be a bad investment because you’ll be hired the very last

Yes, you must pay child support & lifetime alimony even though she makes way more than you do

You’ll be the last ones to get affordable dental care but you’ll always be on your own for your eyes

By the way, keep yer nasty football viewing habit to yourselves and out of polite office conversations

Get used ta suckin up ta bored, fat and feisty womenAcolor government welfare administrators

Don’t even think about goin on some shootin rampage, just put that gun in yer own mouth, in silence

No, we don’t want no novels depicting empty struggles after yer fall from an entitled redneck grace

Sure, you can still vote, gahead: Choose any from our progressive slate of truly entitled minorities

You done lazed, drank and swilled yerselves sick and now a loud and arrogant pride is all you got left

You been outbred and outhustled by unending wavesa job-stealin immigrints and single mothers

You stay with the Fox ta make outraged soundbite sensea this corrupt and unfairly rigged new system

Hey, Look - ya still got yer personal savior who kin explain alla them overcomplicated issues taya

Better get used ta findin meanin in housecleanin and satisfaction from coupon clippin & kid schleppin

Learn not to get mad when yer ignored, rejected, forgotten, blown off, put down and laughed at

Realize that yer kids start off behind but then wont get the chances that others just take for granted

Best you adopt that victim mentality and pick up on the pro-moocher mindset…just sos ta get by

Look, All Men Are Created Equal, Really.

We hold this <unsubstantiated> truth to be self-evident…

I am of those tangled family lines raised in public housing by a single parent for some 5 generations

My parents lay in bed reading child-raising books and playing Mozart to me - inside mommy’s womb

My mom didn’t know she was pregnant or cut back on partAing until I was 4 months inside her tummy

Mommie took vitamin and nutritional supplements, had lots of ultrasounds and walked on a treadmill

My dad smacked the shit right out my momma and lefup outta here before I ever seen him

My parents took birthing classes together before I was ever conceived

Cigarettes helped my mother relieve her sufferings from withdrawal during my fetal development

She always killed 99.97% of all the germs in our safe and lovely suburban home

The teachers could see that I was doomed to failure from my earliest school days, so they ignored me

Everyone always assured my family that I certainly was an especially gifted and high-achieving child

I amused my growing brain by peeling off flakes of lead-filled paint to chew upon

I had so much warmth and stimulation that it appeared to them that I grew wise before my years

We got our nutrition from government programs that paid for us to eat from cans and cellophane

My developing mind and body were nurtured by the very best in current pop science nutrition wisdom

I had project TVs and boomboxes pumping rap and ad music into my crib 24x7 that got me my rhythm

My mom drove me to pre-kindergarten classes and play dates starting before I was 3

I was shuffled in with my drunk grannie by social services when mom lost our welfare apartment

I was surrounded and nurtured by grandparents, uncles and aunts all the days of my childhood

Nobody even noticed I needed glasses til I accidentally got my first eye test one day in the 5^th grade

Mom kept me strictly to the various meds they prescribed for the tragic ADHD masking my brilliance

I was chauffeured to all kinds of lessons and sports activities every day after school and all weekend

I learned independence being a latchkey kid whose only parent was off hoin fuh hart drugs

Everyone assured my folks from the very beginning that I would attend a very good college

School stopped working for me once I got pregnant for the first time, in the 9^th grade

I had a pet dog named Tuffie that I still miss to this day

I grew up with rats, roaches, lice, scabies and bedbugs as well as asthma

My slightly crooked smile was repaired for less than $5000

My teeth were soaked in sugar until they all rotted and simply fell out before I ever saw a dentist

We flew off to pricey destinations for all our well-deserved spring, summer and holiday breaks

We stole a car and took a joyride way out to where everbody knew we dinaha no biness

I occasionally mowed our perfectly green lawn for an extra $150 a month spending allowance

They showed me how ta make money carryin bags of whatever stuff around fa them

Now I have these allergies and auto-immune disorders and they say it’s cause I never got dirty

Shivved an enemy banger in a prison fight who turned out to be some uncle I neva even knew I hat

Spent 6 years part-Aing to get my degree in Communications and then became this chatty barista

Don’t run the screets nomo cause these bullet wounds left me all limpin an huffin like some old fool