Yup,
He does live right down the hall from us and He’s got a real
nice old pickup parked outside, too
Yer
goddamn right He votes straight republican And He keeps it
locked on the Fox, jest like we do
His
teeth hurt as bad as mine so we drove 5 hours ta some free clinic but
by 4:00 AM we was too late
And
that Guy has some really nice automatic firearms and a valid
concealed weapon permit
His
mom and dad live with Him, as well as some lady and her kids from
acupla her other marriages
Told
me that the freakin EPA has got to go and we hafta get the US out of
the UN and vice-versa
Said
tax blessings fer the rich will damn straight float all of our boats
back up an inta the good times
Acourse,
liberals are always attackin Him with that junk science and ther
woreout socialist agindas
He’s
got the bankers backs insteada knockin down their walls cuz He knows
theys too big ta fail
And,
shit man, He’s always got a cold one in the fridge for any guy
stoppin by to watch foopbawl
Revealed
aliens tryin ta take over the country as liberals aim ta give away
our national sovereignty
Lives
by soundbite common sense and faith, not NPR or the NYTimes, so
that’s what we’re doin too
He
helped us burn down the last abortion clinic in the state and even
got a shot off at a fleeing MD
The
farkers foreclosed on His house too, but luckily He had already spent
alla His 3 HELOCs
Happily,
them repo parasites never tuk His busted up boat, ATV, jetskis,
snowmobile or dirtbikes
Them
illegales stole His carpenter job and He was on unemployment fer 3
years, jest like me
He
never wenta college but He sure knows the difference butween junk
science and industree studies
Aint
no freakin vegan and you don’t see no queer green recyclin box by
His front door, either
Sometimes
we hear good old country music driftin thru His walls and He’ll
commence ta sing along
Told
us about the job-killin regelaters working against His father who
anyways still blesses America
Skinny
as a rail except for a fat little belly, the free clinic says He’s
pre-diabetic, just the same as us
Refused
ta signup fer no freedim-stealin obamacare tax right along withalla
the restaus loyal patriots
Hey,
I won $20 on a lotto ticket I bought one day when we went in for
BigGulps and Doritos on break
He
laughed out loud when theyas talking global warming with some
squirmin liberal scientest on TV
Told
us our Traditional Family Values™ are at the core of the Newer
Testament He’s been workin on
Knows
we gotta nuke them Arabs back ta the stone age startin first with
them heathen Irainians
Made
sure we know that clean air and water are free and our meat animals
got no everlasting souls
Well,
actually the poor SOB don’t got no more saved up fer His golden
years than you or me
Showed
us how ta find answers fer any perplexin issue in that Good Book He’s
mostly memorized
Somebody
seen Him smack a damn Prius real hard with His big truck door over to
the mall parking lot
Sure
enough He said we was born to be prosperous in this blessed land, if
we’ll just keep ta the faith
He’s
cullectin SSI too, that’s for sure and He gets all His Chinese
stuff down to Wal*Mart jest like us
Said
somebody’s gotta stand up ta them godless jihadis and it falls ta
us not them squishy Eurolosers
He
told the kids ta be grateful fer coal-fired A/C on everonea them
recerd hot days we keep havin
He
never went to freakin college but He knows they better keep their
damn hands offa our medycare
They
aint no comprymises in His beliefs and we won’t let
no sinful give and take pervert His truth
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