She’s All-American, Made In Chana

My blond girlfriend knows all the designer labels that come on her wayoverpriced high fashion outfits

But she couldn’t exactly say where her clothes or the pounds of cosmetics she trowels on come from

But those and alla her hair dyes, perfumes, shoes, and nail polish come straight outta Chana, too

Still, the brandnames of her cheapmade but expensive designer shit sound real honest and American

Her (i)Pod/Pad/Phone were also all built by them abused peasant serfs and she don’t know or care

Allathem too-cute disposable party favors for her sorority part_As are made by them little Asians, too

She don’t notice it, but her “Wild Alaska Salmon” also says “Product of Chana” in really teeny letters

But her booty is purely American…just like all the air inside her pretty and entitled little head

She’s a real internationalist cause she got drunk and thew up down in Cancun during spring break

She supports our boys overseas and it don’t matter that she caint find any Whateverstans on a map

Feels safe ridin in that 8 fat passenger SUV lookin out over top athem teeny, uncomfortable hybrids

Helps ta dress the poor with all the stuff others buy for her that she tosses out without wearin twice

Knows how to order only the best when somebody else takes her out to eat at a nice restaurant

But she don’t overeat, well, least not in public, so they just throw out half of what goes on her plate

Stays out of the way in the kitchen cause she never has learned how to cook and its yucky anyways

Knows lots of stars by first names and follows them like theyas close friends on that social media

She’s a real footbawl fan and always sets out the good chips and salsa with cold beer for her boys

Absolutely sure she’s the very entitled, exceptionist queen here in ThE Greatest Country On Earth

Not more than 10-12 lbs overweight, she’s got an expensive health club membership - if she needs it

Hardly misses a day in the tanning booth except when she can lay out by the apartment pool

Never had a job and certainly never expects to do more than maybe whatever volunteer or somethin

Got a degree in like business and she could pass that real estate exam anytime she really wanted to

But, she knows that welfare is for moochers and that medicare needs to be cut way back, real soon

Posts cute pictures of her and her friends dressed up and insists them smartphone sexts aint her

She’s an expert on makeup trends and she’s on top of all the latest in hollywood hairstyles

Gets a pedicure from a nice cambodian lady once a month whether she needs it or not

Never misses a day on the Pill and she knows that all abortions are simply the murder of little babies

The inside of her mouth costed more than years of fatherless children’s government assistance

Spends hours getting rid of unwanted hair but, on like reading and stuff - Not so much

Stays protected from elitists tryin ta enslave the world by not havin any real opinions of her own

Aint a natural smell comin out any parta her beautiful body

Why she could probably be that Next Supermodel if she really wanted to

Demandin equal pay but she’s gotta leave early again, and thanks for holding the door

Knows real well how to uptalk to the household help almost like they were real family or friends

Totally aware of what stuff she likes costs but not the faintest idea how much work it takes to earn it

Yup, she’s the flower and spirit of this great country and the reason we fight so hard for our freedom

Ties Suck

The Neckwear Association of America states, in the 1800s to touch another man’s tie was taboo and a catalyst for a duel

Why should I trust any of those fast-talking phonies sporting colorful new silk ties every day on TV?

Totally non-functional but costly suits are just the Unis CEOs wear to try and demand our respect

They spend so much time wearing makeup you’d think they were bubblehead office beauty queens

Reading statements in those lameass shiny leather shoes with hidden elevators should impress us?

Their practiced parrot of speeches written for them by their donors writers cant move me anymore

Reading bold plans, reciting fiery rhetoric and twisted press releases doesn’t make a man of action

In my lowlife world, everybody’s not all and only about some pathological need for public attention

Basing daily strategy on overnite polling and focus groups is not a part of my meaning of leadership

The thought of letting paid marketers mold my media personality to get votes makes me nauseous

Then even if you get elected, just to be seated, you must wear a monkey suit in their holy chamber

Sometimes they even loosen the ties, half roll up their sleeves - for staged foto-ops with real workers

And the mind-numbing soundbites they are cloaked with are cynically passed off as reasoned debate

Carefully-cultivated images serve merely to secure more donations for more ads to buy more votes

Those starched shirts must always be perfectly crisp and clean or it throws them off their sales pitch

Their swishy staff members spend hours on tie colors for the occasion: Now that's leading by example

Still, those guys are so insecure they just can’t keep from groping every bimbo coming within reach

Dressed for success yet quite unable to perform even the simplest real task beyond holding a glass

Yeah, power ties, for power brokers, movers and shakers: Anonymous yet furtively-savage rodents

Backstabbers with laser pointers, shoulderclimbers in shiny black wingtips, asskissers with $20K teeth

Going really casual in a dress shirt and suit coat – without a tie, for up to an hour at a time: Fearless

The security of real silk on his neck must surely keep a genuine leader focused on his donor’s agenda

Dumb me down some more until I see their clown costumes as solemnly as say, that gay papal regalia

Hey, that empty shit can’t intimidate any more, but it does identify - Like an orange prison jumpsuit

What other activities is a pricey three-piece suited for except canned speeches and ‘big’ meetings?

Oh, and their carefully planned odors – so meticulously applied after their real smells are cauterized

Yup, ties suck and anyone wearing one on a daily basis surely suffers from permanent brain damage

All you starched and programmed little roosters - At least dress like you could actually do something

There’ll be no more aura of respect generated by your costly finery, but here’s a caustic rejection

You! You ever try and drive a UPS truck or tear off a roof with a coat and tie on? No? I didn’t think so

You can’t walk on a shop floor with those slippery leather soles - So get out until you get some sense

Your very reason and imagination are constrained by the artificial stiffness of your stupid formal garb

And you do that willingly? Oh, I forgot, your handlers set out your clothes, just like your mommy did

Hey, you oughta try going to the unemployment office dressed in your strutting peacock TV getups

Yeah, they taught you about ginning undeserved respect by dressing funny back in law school, right?

Look, your personas are as fraudulent as your fairytale voter spin or your air-popped corporate videos

The frilly finery you must always wear now simply helps to publicly identify you - Like a Star of David