Happily Even After MAGA

I did finally get me another job, yup, locked into a 6 month tmp contract they can terminate at will

but after 100 weeks of demeanin and intrusive filin for my rightful unemployment, I am reborn

making half of what I used to and drivin twice as far but, I got this wondres renewal of my self worth

not gettin any benefits until I possibly get on fulltime but I still got a few pain meds left fer my teeth

good thing that old core inflation remains low cause everything that we buy has gone up, out of sight

we do save a lot on home maintenance and yard work since we was forced to become renters again

but I got financial-smart friends who stayed at home years fer free by dodgin in and outta foreclosure

we eat lots of fastfoods cause I hear it’s way cheaper than bakin bread and cookin beans and rice

sure I canceled that expensive car insurance - just as soon as I got my new plates and registration

getting rid of my trash down by the creek cause I aint payin tahave guys come justa haul that shit off

them damn cell, internet and cable bills cost like $300 a month but we caint do without that stuff

dont see how the gumint screwed things up so bad so fast but we just gotta get anybody else in there

got no insulation here so we just keep the heat cranked cuz we all liketa hang in baggy shorts

thank god for Fox exposing socialist plans to expand entitlements and demotivate noble job creaters

why, the people down ta the ER know our kids names but them elitists aim to take away our choices

lookit my diesel pickup boys, got er jacked up, custom wheels, real loud and I only owe like $45000

sicka payin for these stupid public service intrusions about whatever obesity and lameass exercise

if them warshinton jobkillers would just foller our sacred constitution and the blessed free market…

fed up with pukes tryin to nanny us right inta some kinda failed old eurosocialist style frikin beehive

and I got guns, too. Now, I caint afford new glasses but we can go out shooting at a $buck.50 a round

I should pay for they clean energy scams after they stifled our patriotic coal minin & oil drillin..right?

don’t know where they came up with these lies about our kids being like 29^th in world school testing

got a nice bonus outta my 401k last time I was laid off but I aint signin up fer that damn scam again

hafta laugh at them fool greenies tellin me to recycle fer nothin when I got imporent stuff to do

you bet I support our troops and I say we go after allathem idoletres enemy combatants, like say IrAn

happy ta see the feds siftin ever tweet fer terrorist threats but I’m sick atheir interference in my life

aint payin no individul mandate even if they keep raisin my insurance rates ta cover all the moochers

solved this climate change hoax by just turnin my coal-powered air-conditioner thermostat way down

dunno whats wrong with the damn schools but my kids know better than to pay attention to they BS

we aint lettin them push no girly damn ecocars down our throats even though they jacked fuel prices

got 8 months a year a the NFL in HD and listen, that’s about as damn traditional as things kin get

now if we could round up the abortion murderers, gay couples and gun controllers it’d be just peachy

we’re not too proud for food stamps but I do draw the line at Mother’s drug test disqualifyin us

it’s just a damn lie that our standard of living aint the highest in the world and is actually goin down

screw their economic mobility bull, Only in the USA can a guy get ahead just thoo his own hard work

yup, in our Happily Even After alla them Good Jobsa Tomorrow are comin right back here...

right along with the free home equity cash we deserve

ThE Greatest Country On The Planet

Look, we got good old red meat on the grill, a sixpack in the fridge and the NFL live on the bigscreen

So, despite ther BS studies, This here is still ThE best place in ThE world ta be so blessed ta live in

Our divinely-granted exceptionist role demands us ta ignore them soverenty-stealers overta that UN

I mean check out my new pickup and then how all the rest of them like somalis go grubbin around

Acourse we got the best damn roads in the world and the tufest trucks ta conquer allathem potholes

Check out our monster military which’d just crush whatever ferin hordes that’d ever dare ta defy us

Take a look at these special children we’re groomin ta take our places as tomorra’s global leaders -

Alla them lying elitist media satistics tossed aside, our kids are still ThE worlds Best and Brightest

We got all them squirrelly, vegan, socialist traitors cornered over ta NPR - which we’ll shortly abolish

Hey, I’m proud ta declare that cheap, coalfired A/C works perfect on everonathem recerd hot days

Don’t give a shit if they say them germans got solar and the highest skyscrapers are bein built in asia

Why, they’ll all just collapse back inta commonist stone age onct we cut off all that wasted ferin aid

Jealous of our incredible progress, they wanna hobble us with bogus hoaxes like that global warmin

Believe me, we don’t just shout ‘God Bless America’ fer nethin, We know that He will, and, Everday

Yeah, and this here is ThE richest nation in the world despite alla that elitist fake resurch news crap

OK, tell me this: Where else can you back up your religious freedom with a concealed assault weapon?

We’ll get gas back ta $2.00 soonas we dump them unconstetutional, job-killin EPA drillin regelations

Sure we got our problems, but at least We can already speak English, as godfearin folks was intended

Where else you gonna get a new SUV no-money-down and drivethru for a triple bacon cheeseburger

Wont stand for no grandmaw-killin euro-style death panels corruptin ThE worlds finest health system

We don’t need no high-speed rail, that’s namely one more example of yer intrusive socialist nannyin

Hey frenchies! Keep yer stoopid millametrs cuz we aint intersted in no DC lectric, thanks fer nethin!

Got ThE finest, freest fastfood system ever seen and it keeps down food prices fer the poor real well

No sir, here we dont let em tell us to eat tofu and ther naggin tirades about exercisin caint scare us

And, our sacrid constitution prohibits them forcin us into that lameass reciclin BS without payin up

We increase our diabetes, hypertension and heart disease at rates that keep asians playin catchup

We’re just about ta get them good new jobsa tomorrow we was promised when they offshored us all

Our financial system is the envy of the world so we protect that it stays too big to fail, or even slip

Just sos you know, Our constitution was pretty much handed down like moses got them stone tablets

Yet elitist conspirators keep lying about crap like infant mortality, life expectancy and literacy rates

But it’s our boys who shoulder the world’s burden of fightin em over there and not here at home

Our farmers feed the planet using giant tractors, fossil water, and the latest in GMOs and pesticides

And who provides the world with music and movie entertainment? It sure aint them Bollywood hindis

Why even peasants who dont have clean drinkin water can always get a Coke in nonrecyclable plastic

And that Marlboro Man of ours rides real tall on all them open ranges from Mongolia overta Patagonia

This here is still ThE greatest country on earth and we sure dont need no junk science ta prove it

Tao Te KaChing

 “The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao” – Lao Tsu, 600 B.C.

The Tao that can be revealed at a general shareholder meeting certainly is not the Insider Tao

The unimaginably-large and non-retractable bonus remains the source of ten thousand schemes

Never seeing the luxurious baubles of their CEO prevents confusion in the hearts of his loyal workers

The good executive is like water, assuming the shape of any corporate fishbowl in which he is placed

The CEO knows to stay behind (closed and guarded teak doors) and thus is he able to remain ahead

The sage says ‘better to stop short than fill to the brim’ and so it is with labor wages and benefits

Loudly proclaim wealth and disaster will follow, therefore float silently off neath golden parachutes

He claims absolute control over all things corporate, yet will always insist he knew of nothing illegal

Precious baubles lead the greedy CEO astray, thus must his compensation package annually increase

Subtly counseling workers to accept conditions as simple fate allows true leaders to slash benefits

Though their value cannot be seen, heard or held, wise boards bid up a CEO’s immeasurable services

They are the form of the formless and the face of the faceless – that 1% driven off behind tinted glass

The kernel of their knowledge is amorphous as the hollow of caves or the opaqueness of muddy pools

Policy prohibits them commenting on investigations but at bonus time the CEO will proclaim ‘I did it’

When media wisdom and pundit intelligence were born, then did their great pretense truly began

When the country became confused and in chaos then did these faux-loyal ministers first slither forth

Having abandoned kindness and renounced morality, they urge subordinates to filial piety and love

Following the Tao Te KaChing they know: There is no difference between Yes and No, Good and Evil

The ancients said ‘Yield and Overcome’, thus do they asskiss, backbite and shoulder-climb to the top

If heaven and earth cannot make things eternal the CEO employs outsourcing, temping and layoffs

Boasting achieves nothing, bragging does not endure so true CEOs strive to amass a superstars wealth

Shareholders know: The four great powers of the universe are the Tao, Heaven, Earth and the Bonus

The CEO, traveling all day, does not lose sight of personal gain, despite the 10000 beautiful things

The wise CorproClone retains his early humility: In his fictionalized and ghost-written autobiography

Many mergers are hard, some may fail: Thus, the sage CEO only works under an ironclad contract

When many are terminated, he mourns as if in sorrow, eyeing his huge bonus as if at a funeral

He reports footnoted results, never boasts in public and quietly deposits what is, his life’s meaning

His perseverance is a sign of the willpower of those unable to feel rich by seeing they have enough

Descriptions of the CEO seem without substance, invisible and silent, yet his great need is palpable

Like fish which cannot leave deep waters they must remain locked behind those rich mahogany doors

Good leaders model values but managers enforce rules, so a VP only smiles as minions do his bidding

Having lost goodness, kindness and justice, they rely on ritual - that empty husk of faith and loyalty

The CEO hears of the Tao and laughs, praise be, for without laughter the Tao would not be what it is

For pursuing wealth he acquires something daily, but pursuing the Tao he would lose a thing each day

The visionary CEO knows if his workers exist on the edge they will not falsely overvalue human life

Anonymous and irresponsible they feign a sorrowful humility when exposed at last to stockholders

Gimme That Good Old Red Meat - Cheap!

Hell, after all, “They're only animals”

Them vegans make me laugh, always whinin about some food animal holocaust goin on all around us

I jest ignore tales of atrocities committed on the spicy buffalo wings I suck down with good cold beer

Whatever antibiotic overuse dont really breed whatever resistant bacteria thats gonna get insida me

Why, I never even notice them smelly trucks goin by crammed with cattle shittin in each others faces

I say let the market decide how to handle em sos to put the cheapest meat on our good family tables

I don’t ever think about chicks confined to tiny, no-turn-around spaces pecking at each other’s faces

Hey, I’m OK ignoring highly automated mass production of inferior, food-grade life forms…fer profit

Look, if Chinese peasants work 16 hrs/day and sleep 20 to a room, why should piglets giteny better?

Aint listening ta their blatherin bout 3000 cows releasing the untreated shit ofa halfa-miyon people

Its not my problem if farms squeezed by Tyson choke Chesapeake oysters in untreated chicken crap

I support freedom-loving ranchers overgrazing, trampling and shitting in streams on our federal lands

And we must control any predators threatening their ruggedly-independent, gov’t-subsidized lifestyle

Just hush your fool squallin bout torturin them herd animals with an efficient solitary confinement

And stop promotin some fictional terror driving them thru dark lines at them bloody slaughterhouses

We’ll take our meat plastic-packaged and quite as unemotional as our Doritos, Thank you very much

Not interested in pichers athem layin in toxic muck in feedlots, Hey, they dont even know any better

Cost accountants and production engineers kin make the morally-right husbandry decisions fer us all

And our kids love squeezing extruded hamburg outta plastic cylinders lubricated with that pink slime

We laugh at the stupid lie that feedlot practices make our juicy grilled steaks wicked-carcinogenic

Hey, I aint looking at their faces! I just pick out their packaged parts in bright, clean, friendly stores

Simply refuse ta hear lame rants about red meat and nitrates causing all like heart attacks and shit

Really enjoy reaching for a good old doublemeat, bacon cheeseburger from my truck at the drivethru

Not concerned with the raw materials, but I do keep a close eye on the pricea finished meat goods

Meat’s just a part of our divinely-ordained dominion over this wonerful world He created jest fer us

Anyways, dumb animals have neither soul nor reason and they don’t feel pain, much less emotions

So, gahead - Truck them factory inputs around jest like theyas lumber, gas, beer or chinese drywall

After all, we been enjoyin meat for miyons ayears, we still need it to survive and we need it cheap

Ya know, them steers ain’t our kids pet dogs or something and it aint at all like damn cannibalism

I say ‘Out of Sight and Out of Mind’ until I get em up and sizzling on my $1500 backyard barbecue

See, the thoughts of real men don’t include nethin regardin the dignity and emotional needsa hawgs

An I’m sickta death athem elitist lies about sausage, bacon, salami and hotdogs rottin out my colun

Were bein good stewards: after all, we manage their lives from birth decon to slaugherhouse disposal

Look, I just gotta have some juicy red meat at least twice a day or my feminine side starts to emerge

And how can my boys grow up ta kill or be killed if I feed em that pusy damn tofu and soft white rice

I could care if they fatten cows on grain we could eat but they caint digest and then need more drugs

Intermsa meat, the Wal*Mart price philosophy does the trick fer us good traditional working families

Faking Political Correctness

I finally heard, and sometimes even heed, an inner voice saying that its a good time to just shut up

But really, I’m only acting nice, trying to avoid the guilt and shame that follows useless confrontation

So, don’t mistake my thoughtful silence for quiet acceptance – actually, I’m just being kind to myself

And as I nod while you speak, please understand it only means I hear you: Definitely not that I concur

You must realize that I have learned if I can’t say something agreeable, I will say something trivial

In fact, be quite sure that I’m just as likely silently and sarcastically damning you as supporting you

And if I quietly change the subject to something neutral, it’s only to avert a useless, angry escalation

Fact is, I’m simply being nice to avoid being sullied by wasting my own foolish adrenaline on nothing

Be advised I am not really nice, I am not very friendly and I often find your canned opinions repulsive

But I am striving to remain non-confrontational, just trying to avoid any angry but worthless flare-ups

I just want to remain nice and soft, like cottage cheese or tepid oatmeal, at least in your opinion

Please note that, really, I wouldn’t mind confronting you in my very harshest loud and angry tones

So, yeah, I’m being nice with unruffled feathers, staying all like politically correct instead of cursing

Offering what I hope appears as neutral silence rather than pointedly telling you exactly what I think

But even though now you know, dont you dare to confront me or we’ll brand you as a nonteam player

Let’s get thru our mandatory interactions without overt anger and I’ll happily part, without any guilt

I will be most falsely-courteous and faux-friendly to you during our forced face time at big meetings

Since I’ve seen the power of being politely passively-aggressive I’ll only denounce you covertly

I just want for you to believe that I am being nice so we can avoid any friction on all the real issues

Slipping, I’ll apologize for misspeaking or say that I was misunderstood: But not sorry for what I said

Trust me, I chafe under all this enforced politeness for it forces me to swallow my own vile hypocrisy

Still, it beats being soaked in bitter and guilty recrimination for many days after each confrontation

And I’m also being nice to avoid the real concealed weapons of all the personal liberty zealots I cross

Don’t want to take a bullet from a road-raged freedom lover goaded on by his far-too-personal savior

I’m being nice to keep my blood pressure down and my criminal record clean - Not to appease you

No need to worry, though, cause I’m no back-biting, tattletale puke ready to stab you in the back But dont even be surprised when decisions made privately on big projects deny your empty blustering

Yet hopefully you find out later I detested you and your little friends but for now: See my fake smile

I'm absolutely not preaching violence but being nice doesn’t mean I support your silly, vain agenda

I’m not being nice to win your friendship, trust or co-operation: It’s for my own selfish peace of mind

I also know it does no good to call you out to your politically correct, simply rule-enforcing manager

So, don’t you think I am smiling with you cause I’m really chuckling at your loud and ignorant pride

Been thru too many embarrassing after-situations and humiliating post-confrontations to speak up

It’s not worth it to act out for 5 minutes when the guilty payback lasts 5 weeks and nothing changes

But, observing your latest outburst, I derive a real satisfaction knowing it was not me this time

So though your foolish bullshit spoils any teamwork, I wont lose any sleep - Because I am Being Nice

Win Bigly With Us

Believe Me..

I’ll more easily slip the tough questions with soundbites and offer up fewer specifics on real problems

I bet I would convince more boys to blow themselves up to go to heaven as I remain alive, by His will

Sure, I could beat widely distributing a nutrition-free, melamine-laced chalk mixture as baby formula

Hey, I would double bar those factory fire doors so them lazy bastards couldn't sneak out for breaks

Of course I’d hire better lawyers so I could make more money than they did selling poisoned tobacco

I’d cancel more benefits in bankruptcy but my own golden parachute would remain forever inviolate

Absolutely, we’d focus harder on fighting cleanup costs than controlling our environmental impact

I’d never mention once the 500,000 collateral dead in my preemptively-defensive war of liberation

I’d get richer pimping a fictional eternal heaven I sell them for their promise of the souls I invented

I would better over-estimate savings and hide the true costs of my donor’s legislative initiatives

I can waltz right by my poverty-stricken brothers faster than you do, without even noticing at all

I’ll commit more surplus lives, not worth as much as my own family’s, to futures without healthcare

I’ll more pointedly ignore our mass extinction and demand Traditional Family Values™ even louder
You just watch me read canned speeches more stirringly, more to my poll benefit, after tragic events

I am quicker to justify throwing acid in any wife’s face if she offends Allah or my side of the family

I can hold up the EPA as the most wasteful of freedom-stealing jobkillers better than any of my rivals

I can demand more of their deaths should they defile our holy book with improper storage or disposal

Watch me sell parents on sacrificing children to my blind vanity more slickly than the last demagogue

For a bonus, I’ll shed workers and renege on their benefits far faster than other furtive execu-clones

I know I could kill more unbelievers via divine justice than the puny numbers they still boast about

I could find even more efficient, certainly less humane, ways to put good red meat on family tables

I would more proficiently solve the Geriatric Problem in order to save working folks some real money

My encouragement of proudly ignorant subjects to have lots of kids will have more divine backing

I’ll make outsourcing design, production and support for huge bonuses appear to be twice as patriotic

I could siphon off an even larger percentage of foreign aid to myself and my corrupt and evil cronies

I would further unfetter the free market to solve overblown issues like mining and industrial wastes

To promote peace, I would permit the sale of shock & awe weapons to any dictatorship supporting us

We would set up self-immolation stations so more terrorists can safely make a fiery last statement

I’ll cast secret spying on our citizens in a light that will make them beg to give up their privacy

I’d have them sofa-cheering louder for debt-financed, costly and immaterial, bipartisan compromises

Under me, they’ll poll even higher on environmental issues while singing ‘Drill Baby Drill’ ever louder

I promise to repeat, omit and distort better so they’ll believe they’re an exceptional, chosen people

I’ll really show what compassionate conservatism is all about even if the sinners dont know lord jesus

We’ll float even more ludicrous but temping quick fixes to problems nobody really wants to tackle

I’ll sell more lost girls into prostitution and little boys into drug-induced slaughter than my enemies

My donor’s lying, writer whores will make my opponent seem even more comically pathetic than me

The Geriatric Question, Final Solutions

    “Nature is cruel; Therefore we are also entitled to be cruel” - Adolf Hitler

At 50 all our workers become eligible for permanent external transfers and lose all promised benefits

It shall be established in court and buttressed by statute that age-related prejudice cannot be proven

Corporate bankruptcies can routinely renege on all pledges made to retirees – with no legal backlash

There is to be no shame associated with selling parents into poverty so that they can get on Medicaid

It will not be viewed as prejudicial to vilify the old for their disproportionate share of medical costs

Politicians ignore the aged at their own peril - until they’re sure they can win without their votes

It is a winning policy to gut social security funding in the guise of a payroll tax cut to win an election

Unlike the fats, blacks and gays, comedians may ridicule seniors in any way and context they see fit

We’ll just ignore all the crime which odiously targets the aged with slick and honest-sounding frauds

One tacit Traditional Family Value™ is that our frayed elders are as irrelevant as that old 20^th century

Nobody needs ever ask how forced retirees will survive for 35 years without any savings or benefits

All shall silently agree that those no longer allowed to contribute labor have earned a duty to die

Seniors must wear easily-identifiable, ill-fitting, out of style clothes at all venues, public and private

The aged may be herded into expensive, gated communities which even they wont label as ghettos

Stubborn old fools who refuse to conform may dine alone on pet food while they freeze in darkness

The pre-funeral health industry is hereby granted access to smilingly drain the savings of our elders

Citizens may politely ignore their limping, half-blind, zombie-like demonstrations for social equality

Their faulty memories are not to be confused with the stressed data overload of our own blurry lives

Briefly mumbling at their expensive IC bedsides shall be deemed good enough to see them off forever

It is proper to drain their time and money as volunteers once they’ve been excreted from their jobs

Oldsters must self-identify by driving too slowly in tiredly-clean cars with right-wing bumper stickers

They shall be gathered together and fed donated food while listening to old music thru hearing aids

They must accept that costly, boring cruise ship tours really are the dream vacations of their lives

Over 60s will be prescribed different, brandname drugs by each doctor without regard to interactions

To cap their abusive medical expenses, the old must forever pay all the never-ending cost increases

After lifetimes funding parent’s social security, their own benefits must go for schooling illegales kids

They shall be convinced that daily slow limping and eating sawdust will yield them long and rich lives

Their non-profit interest groups may sell them out behind closed doors and then lie to them about it

The elderly have no need to understand criminally overly-complex retirement financial milking scams

The government may decimate senior savings by artificially holding interest rates below inflation

TV may smilingly patronize the old, showing them performing formerly simple tasks, Almost normally

Doctors are encouraged to get rich being surrogate friends and family to lonely and decaying retirees

There shall be no guilt associated with warehousing parents grown too burdensome for our busy lives

Geriatrics will be weaned off the entitlement mentality via forced feedings of Personal Responsibility

Seniors must lose their false entitlement regarding benes they were always told that they had earned

Doctors and relatives may discuss a flagging elder in the third person, as if they were not even there