The Pursuit Of A Programmed Happiness

All men are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights…

Living large on credit cards, speeding by in fancy cars and dressing up like we was like movie stars

Asskissing, backstabbing, shoulderclimbing & downkicking my way to that penthouse office in the sky

It’s like this: a trillion totally selfish & blindly greedy decisions per day optimize our collective future

So it is, in the end truly and most importantly as I must always remember: Only and all just about me

Besides, the free market solves all our problems automagically simply by meeting my vanity demands

So, I only need to go for the gusto, live for today and try to stop & smell the roses along the way

Because Hey! God wants me to prosper: Our mega-church preacher told me so along with 1500 others

Anyways, it does seem that I can only measure my happiness by short-term changes to my net worth

The concerns of others cannot not bind me for I was created to pursue my own individual happiness

Some struggle to save the environment or to solve social problems but I was born to get ahead

And I expect the same from all the corporate entities whose stock is creating my retirement nestegg

I’m not interested in their being socially-responsible either but they must maximize their stock price

Don’t care if it’s coal or dogshit-fired, I just wanna be able to twist that thermostat when I want to

I simply must step over these homeless moochers every day on the way to fulfilling my own destiny

Its like, I have no time to recycle now but when I get really rich I may hire someone to do it for me

I tell ya, my ramtuf hemi pickup makes me feel so gooood when it throws off a smoke cloud real loud

No worry if they fall again for my next investment scam - they can go squeal for another govt bailout

Dont see how this whatever national infrastrcture mess has any bearing on the wishes I need to fulfill

When I want a burger I aint got time ta fuss over that like food animal holocaust suppozedly goin on

But, it is good to know that just keeping to our own wants & needs helps bring us all a better future

So, with stirring patriotic fervor, I strive for new cars, mansions, yachts, servants & a trophy wife

And, staying ahead on these measures assures me that I am winning big on the class warfare front

You see I combine my pursuit of happiness with the socially-Darwinian struggle we must all undertake

And I am grateful to companies that continually bring out new products that spur on my noble pursuit

Luckily, just by fulfilling our implanted marketers dreams we help ensure a brighter future for us all

I don’t get all like neurotic worrying about saving the world - Cause I just need to watch out for me

And yeah, I think my dad died happy…he was talking up his new car just 3 days before he left us

I did have to step on a few faces to get where I am but it was all in joyful, self-centered competition

So, we toast ourselves at fine restaurants and enjoy a fleeting sociopathic sense of self-satisfaction

If it’s new, I want it first. If it’s hot, I want the most expensive. If it’s scarce, I want the most.

And its not just about materialism, crushing the competition on my way up also satisfies me deeply

And don’t forget that my happiness also includes the pursuit of relaxing gasoline-powered recreation

BTW, I’m damn sure that the markets will blindly manage any so-called environmental problems, too

You see, simply by chasing my own implanted needs I really do help to make the world a better place

God bless America and our creator-revealed constitutional right to the pursuit of individual happiness

And, happily, I can look forward to an eternity of vapid wish fulfillment, up there in His paradise

Don’t Worry About These Boring Facts

It’s OK...You can stay fixed solely upon unemployment, GDP, gun control, abortion and your next eGizmo

You needn’t ever ponder upon the fact that each gallon of gas you waste produces 19 pounds of CO2

Not to worry that NASA predicts irreversible collapse and the NSF warns of dire climate changes

Don’t be concerned that 80 thousand acres of rainforest and 135 species disappear, every single day

Your Timmie likely isn’t among the 535k American kids aged 1-5 who has brain-destroying lead levels

Forget about the fact that soil erosion from careless corporate farming costs $37.6 billion per year

That your kids rank 21^st out of 23 developed countries in numeracy should not cause you to lose sleep

Its just alarmism when engineers say we must spend $3.6Tr by 2020 on boring infrastructure projects

Just keep ignoring the food animal holocaust that goes on out of sight and enjoy your factory chicken

Keep on watering your lovely bluegrass since that impending water shortage surely wont affect you

You have health insurance at work so you don’t even need to think about how much that care costs

You only have a couple drinks a day so the $223.5 billion yearly toll for alcohol abuse isn’t your issue

So what if 47 million Americans are on food stamps, it’s only like 1 out of 6 of all of us, anyway

You’re barely 10-15 pounds overweight so don’t be fussing over this whatever obesity epidemic

Don’t worry cause you rarely have time to exercise – you’re part of the 80% of us who never do

Should you be concerned just cause we toss 100 billion plastic bags after one use every year? Nah.

Like you should be upset that kids spend more time with tv & smart screens than on all school stuff

The disappearance of monarch butterflies & honey bees cannot possibly have a consequence for you

In terms of your life, the fact that 21% of US adults can’t read at a 5^th grade level is quite immaterial

Just cause 97% of wacko climate scientists believe in that Global Warming scam doesn’t make it true

No need to get riled up about a little mercury from those patriotic coal-fired power plants in our fish

Don’t get upset just cause there’s all kinds of drug leftovers in our lakes, rivers and tap water, either

It’s no big deal if 36% of so-called baby-boomers now aged 55 and over have less than $10k saved up

No worries that the 14 million on disability don’t count as unemployed but cost us $260 billion a year

Look, don’t get all riled up just cause it costs $500 to get one stitch for a little cut at New York ERs

The $4-6Tr we will wind up spending on misguided MidEast crusades should not keep you up at night

Don’t stress out just because 1.372 billion people on earth must survive on less than $1 per day

After all, at least 6 out of our 7 billion own cellphones though only 4.5 billion have access to toilets

Not to sweat the 22,000 homeless kids in that greatest of all the world cities - New York, NY USA

Too bad new college grads owe $29k and 53% are unemployed or don’t need degrees for their jobs

The 40% of Americans who believe in Creationism do not pose a threat to either you or the nation

Factory fleet overfishing & bycatch kill have no connection with your taste for AllUcanEat seafood

There’s really no need to panic just cause 95% of income gains from 2009-2012 went to that top 1%

Does your 24x7 eConnected family even care that now the design of your eToys has been outsourced?

It’s probably OK that al-Qaeda isn’t almost dead but, in fact, growing from africa across to asia

What do you care if the $19B/yr ivory smuggling business blows away cute Save The Rhino campaigns And, does it really affect your family at all that the US ranks 46^th globally in freedom of the press?