Real Slow ‘Merican Decay

Shyte aint gonna blow up like in yer hollywood blockbusters, civilizations gunna just slowly fade away

Ya wont have ta take the pickup out ta the woods with guns blazin - yu’ll just wither in yer apartmint

Gov’t healthcare death panels aint gonna cum fer gramaw - She’ll just lay there, out of it - fer years

The librals wont get ta give over our precious sovernty ta that atheistic, commonistic UN b4 you go

The roads’ll just slowly get worse and we’ll start boilin our drinkin water and heatin with wood again

The dam vaccinations was just killin off our darlin children enaway, so good-gubye ta that conspiracy

The whtever lektrik grid’ll just slowly shrivel til thers maybe 4 hrs service/day and then only in town

Timesavin chinese household goods wont be so easy ta cum by what with the failin transport network

You proly wont be goin out ta eat 10er12 times a week anymore as yer buyin power is rampin down

They’ll be wheelin you outta the ER without near as much free treatment as you was used ta gettin

Hey, there’ll still be good ole foopawl on the big screen, but you won’t be buyin no latest Samstung

Relax, it aint gonna be no massive catastrophe changin the Entire world like overnight or somethin

Yeah, yer teeth’ll slowly hurt worse and worse, but you’ll stay used to that, what with good old Oxy

And the old ladys growths from the tanning booth…they’ll just keep getting bigger, redder and uglier

Cataracts’ll slowly make stuff looks dim and blurry and stronger readin glasses won’t helpya at all

Meanwhile, yer hypertension, atherosclerosis, diabetes, obesity & COPD will all just silently increase

CorProAg will slowly but very surely poison our bountiful soil even as they destroy its fertility as well

Illiterate illegals and non-english speakin overbreeders will stealthily suk us down into the 3^rd-world

Relax, it’ll be years for your children blame their hopeless situation on your sloth, greed & ignorance

Yup, you can proudly shout ‘This is ThE greatest country on the planet:USA,USA,USA!’ fer awhile yet

Them black helicopturs wont allsudden show up over yer house at nite, at least not for the time bein

Risin sea levels aint gonna take out yer dad’s condo down in flarida overnite er nothin

Tho yer taxes will raise up faster than inflation, yer entitlements will actually shrink, year after year

Political lies will have to keep on getting bigger to cover the reality gap, but it’s a real slow process

We wont be able to afford food inspectors but industry self-regelation will surely keep us pretty OK

Them weathr and GPS satellites will slowly wink out but you’ll still have cell service for quite a while

Yet, freedom loving patriots can smile cuz that jobkillin EPA will simply hafta be cut: Year after year

Oh, but you’ll hear lotsa teeth gnashin over possible smaller increases to our sacred dEfense budget

Slowly, real slowly youll lose yer ATVs, Jetskis, snowmachines, dirt bikes & giant pickups ta crediters

No worries yet, it’ll be a while for it hurts justa get outta bed even after a rare good nite’s sleep

They’ll keep the family in burger fer years by usin formerly non-edible portionsa cow carcasses

Your medicare aint gonna be canceled tomorra but one day you won’t find no doctors who accept it

You can keep on fightin that climate change by twistin yer coal-fired thermostat fer years ta come

And, yup, we’ll still have more nukes, land mines & chemical weapons than allathem ferin heathens

Them toxic wastes aint gonna kill us off even though they will keep on slowly buildin up insidea us

But, one thing that aint never gonna change is ur faith & trust in the absolute trutha that Good Book

Grabbin fer gusto as I smelt them roses

Lost course in the currents of their waving sea of distortions, omissions, exaggerations and halftruths

Had another sudden & lifechanging inspiration as I sucked down the dregs of just one more cold drink

Heard the latest bad news walking the pocked & dirty streets once again, upon these tired old feet

Watched as leaders cagily evaded any blame by offloading all responsibility for their many failures

Tried to skip all the ads but the jingles kept playing inside my head til I soaked them up with vodka

Saw the lights of our great city from a hill, faroff & above all the dirt & noise, inside my ragged tent

Talked to my old dog about the man who had once beaten her so often, yet always so unexpectedly

Found myself once again sideslipping down the steep leading edge of yet another stupid trend curve

Held her hand for just a moment and felt her slip away – well, so much for our being forever together

Realized too late the meaninglessness of all the projects my managers pushed as so vitally important

Swam out past the breakers and saw things differently, rolling up and down on coolblue pacific swells

Just looking at them I had to laugh out loud whenever they told me that I had’nt changed a bit

No longer able to flee the questions that upset me, I blindly swallowed some stale religious fairytale

Safely depersonalized the myriad sufferings of others from the comfort of my couch control center

Felt strangely empty if I was not actively pursuing the latest Gen of our most-must-have-now, eGear

Yes, I traveled thousands and thousands of miles, but darn – I was just commuting to & from work

Grew weary of their attempts to control me with their phony suits and one-way political correctness

Lost sympathy for the truly poor seeing how well the real pros worked the same corners every day

Watched out the window in silent awe as new convenience stores carved up formerly good farmland

Remained convinced I was well above average in all respects - despite my ongoing current situation

Voted straight republican as I seamlessly segued from unemployment to disability to social security

Dinit need no dam obamacare cuz my medicaid and medicare waz always ther fer my family

Made sure I didn’t read too much after seeing what it done to alla them dam scientists and liberals

Learned to relax and get comfortable by twerkin the big screen instead of doin boring housework

Went on a trip Out West & grabbed selfies at everonea them naturel marvelsa this great landa ours

Donno if I was offshored, outsourced, downsized or laidoff but now I’m broke & in early retirement

Waited for weeks for Labor Day but simply could not remember what we done for it - Just last year…

Often derived a blissful satisfaction from my latest purchases - For up to 20 full minutes at a time!

Learned ta hate at the sound of buzzphrases uttered by puppet opinion leaders pushing fake eNews

Slept with my guns and old bible but still feared for the sound of their black helicopters in the night

Bought more than we needed cuz it was on sale: And thoughtlessly discarded half as spoiled leftovers

Grew weary of gumint inactivity, infighting & incompetence even as I grew fatter, dumber & lazier

Tried real hard to make my kids like me - Guess that’s why they’re back livin at home in their 30s

Crammed my head with sports stats and lines from ads and movies cause that’s what really mattered

Grabbin fer gusto as I smelt them roses helped me ignore the black truth athat onrushin empty void

Now I tremble laying here all tubed, knowing life has to go on, but only this time it’ll be without me