Real Slow ‘Merican Decay

Shyte aint gonna blow up like in yer hollywood blockbusters, civilizations gunna just slowly fade away

Ya wont have ta take the pickup out ta the woods with guns blazin - yu’ll just wither in yer apartmint

Gov’t healthcare death panels aint gonna cum fer gramaw - She’ll just lay there, out of it - fer years

The librals wont get ta give over our precious sovernty ta that atheistic, commonistic UN b4 you go

The roads’ll just slowly get worse and we’ll start boilin our drinkin water and heatin with wood again

The dam vaccinations was just killin off our darlin children enaway, so good-gubye ta that conspiracy

The whtever lektrik grid’ll just slowly shrivel til thers maybe 4 hrs service/day and then only in town

Timesavin chinese household goods wont be so easy ta cum by what with the failin transport network

You proly wont be goin out ta eat 10er12 times a week anymore as yer buyin power is rampin down

They’ll be wheelin you outta the ER without near as much free treatment as you was used ta gettin

Hey, there’ll still be good ole foopawl on the big screen, but you won’t be buyin no latest Samstung

Relax, it aint gonna be no massive catastrophe changin the Entire world like overnight or somethin

Yeah, yer teeth’ll slowly hurt worse and worse, but you’ll stay used to that, what with good old Oxy

And the old ladys growths from the tanning booth…they’ll just keep getting bigger, redder and uglier

Cataracts’ll slowly make stuff looks dim and blurry and stronger readin glasses won’t helpya at all

Meanwhile, yer hypertension, atherosclerosis, diabetes, obesity & COPD will all just silently increase

CorProAg will slowly but very surely poison our bountiful soil even as they destroy its fertility as well

Illiterate illegals and non-english speakin overbreeders will stealthily suk us down into the 3^rd-world

Relax, it’ll be years for your children blame their hopeless situation on your sloth, greed & ignorance

Yup, you can proudly shout ‘This is ThE greatest country on the planet:USA,USA,USA!’ fer awhile yet

Them black helicopturs wont allsudden show up over yer house at nite, at least not for the time bein

Risin sea levels aint gonna take out yer dad’s condo down in flarida overnite er nothin

Tho yer taxes will raise up faster than inflation, yer entitlements will actually shrink, year after year

Political lies will have to keep on getting bigger to cover the reality gap, but it’s a real slow process

We wont be able to afford food inspectors but industry self-regelation will surely keep us pretty OK

Them weathr and GPS satellites will slowly wink out but you’ll still have cell service for quite a while

Yet, freedom loving patriots can smile cuz that jobkillin EPA will simply hafta be cut: Year after year

Oh, but you’ll hear lotsa teeth gnashin over possible smaller increases to our sacred dEfense budget

Slowly, real slowly youll lose yer ATVs, Jetskis, snowmachines, dirt bikes & giant pickups ta crediters

No worries yet, it’ll be a while for it hurts justa get outta bed even after a rare good nite’s sleep

They’ll keep the family in burger fer years by usin formerly non-edible portionsa cow carcasses

Your medicare aint gonna be canceled tomorra but one day you won’t find no doctors who accept it

You can keep on fightin that climate change by twistin yer coal-fired thermostat fer years ta come

And, yup, we’ll still have more nukes, land mines & chemical weapons than allathem ferin heathens

Them toxic wastes aint gonna kill us off even though they will keep on slowly buildin up insidea us

But, one thing that aint never gonna change is ur faith & trust in the absolute trutha that Good Book

Avoid These Polite Conversation Killers

If you can’t say something politically correct, just say something totally inconsequential…

You just shut up about ‘Yes, We Can’ actually being just one more ad man’s empty campaign slogan

We won’t even discuss the omissions, misrepresentations and lies that already cost over a $Tr in Iraq

Nobody wants to hear about fixing corpro-agriculture if it might cost them any extra at all for Doritos

Just don’t mention that ThE Greatest Country on ThE Planet only leads the Undeveloping World

Where’s a benefit to facing the fact that your kids future clearly is not nearly as bright as yours was?

Who’s going to worry much about that climate change scam Republican leaders know is pure BS?

Shushup over exporting a temporary glut of fracked natural gas, again with no plan for when its gone

We’ll stifle statistics that the poor & ignorant are wildly outbreeding ye of the educated middle class

You cannot say: Our Natives & Blacks must have issues if they can be held down for so long - So easily

Only a traitor would dare speak out against outspending the next 20 countries combined on dEfense

Thou shalt not speculate that victims of the obesity plague might shoulder any personal responsibility

It’s political suicide to admit that we must all pay higher taxes and get less benefits just to scrape by

Don’t even whisper of the insurance & drug industry deals cut to get that Obamacare shoved thru

You just wont get away with demanding childbearing licenses as well as requiring two parent families

Dont bring up the false promises of the good new jobs of tomorrow made when they outsourced us

Stop calling their dogma of eternal GDP growth just another fairytale, too-big-to-fail, pyramid scam

Dont discuss how doctors can make $400/hr up til age 80 but you have to be <30 to code a stupid app

Its off topic to ask why top corpro rungs are only for furtive one-track shoulder-climbing psychopaths

Never ever, even whisper that sainted Israel practices what the Nazis did to them on the Palestinians

Don’t ask how we actually have a vibrant, structurally sound economy with 20% of us on food stamps

We won’t even calculate business losses resulting from promotions based solely on affirmative action

Better not go around belittling football and all of its brainwashed, bacon & beer-loving worshipers

You won’t hear how the Wall Street banks got way too much bigger to fail again, so forget about that

Theres no need to broadcast that cable, internet and cell service cost more here than anywhere else

Politicians hope you wont notice they work 2½ days/week in Washington and go fund-raising the rest

We’ll never debate whether holiday shopping isn’t one of thE most important news stories every year

Our right to uber-loud fireworks, jake-brakes, pickups and harleys is rightly not even under scrutiny

Shut up and hold the door for them as they go home early again, for their kids - with their equal pay

So, you think that the main problem with the education system is parenting? Don’t you dare go there

We’ll simply ignore the increasing Jihadi activity going on from Morocco all the way over to Indonesia

Nobody wants to talk low-priority issues like economic sustainability, much less habitat preservation

Who the hell cares if our landfills overflow with valuable recyclables marinating in our toxic wastes?

No, you shouldnt finally tell them that they’re not really very special, even though they all got prizes

Can’t label those leeching seamlessly from unemployment to disability to social security as moochers

How dare you even dream of a support group just for displaced white men? You racist, Nazi pervert!

Mustn’t voice the heresy that Christianity is as dogmatic, wornout & irrelevant as that tired socialism