Still With You Somewhere Inside

Got up in the cold just to move about alone in the darkness

Crossed high mountain passes on foot to try and get nearer

Slogged thru deeply-frozen valleys as I thought I traveled home

Witnessed sunsets I only wished that we saw together

Almost felt your cool touch when it grew far too hot

Looked up for your hand whenever I tripped and fell

Saw that shapes in blowing clouds helped me find the way

And all that time I knew: I was still with you inside

Lumbered and tripped, dragging my burden

Gestured with foreigners as I tried to reach you

Forded icy streams with you on my mind

Stayed away far too long - And I never knew why

Listened to your voice when I had no one to talk to

Imagined long, clumsily-poetic emails that I never wrote

Shook my head in confusion as I walked alone

Talked to myself on one bad job after another

Stood alone in lines full of couples along with their kids

Stayed by myself in rooms meant for two

Ate many humble meals I had cooked only for me

But at least all the while you traveled with me, inside

Got briefly tangled in lives I could never appreciate

Lost my way totally even though I was headed nowhere

Watched as stars burned in skies that you did not see

Absorbed amazing daylight and gave off some sadness

Helped others sort out singed keepsakes after bad fires

Wore out lots of clothes that were already secondhand

Looked thru frosty windows, from outside in cold darkness

Still, all the while, you were there, with me, inside

Fled from an emptiness to which I must shortly return

Thought I grew wise but actually slowly went blind

Glimpsed you in strange crowds where you’d never be

Wanted to curl up together with you like strands of DNA

Feared for myself thinking you got along fine without me

Gone so long that I stopped reaching for you in the night

Finally realized I did not even know where you were

But, how I always hoped I was still with you, somewhere inside