Ties Suck

The Neckwear Association of America states, in the 1800s to touch another man’s tie was taboo and a catalyst for a duel

Why should I trust any of those fast-talking phonies sporting colorful new silk ties every day on TV?

Totally non-functional but costly suits are just the Unis CEOs wear to try and demand our respect

They spend so much time wearing makeup you’d think they were bubblehead office beauty queens

Reading statements in those lameass shiny leather shoes with hidden elevators should impress us?

Their practiced parrot of speeches written for them by their donors writers cant move me anymore

Reading bold plans, reciting fiery rhetoric and twisted press releases doesn’t make a man of action

In my lowlife world, everybody’s not all and only about some pathological need for public attention

Basing daily strategy on overnite polling and focus groups is not a part of my meaning of leadership

The thought of letting paid marketers mold my media personality to get votes makes me nauseous

Then even if you get elected, just to be seated, you must wear a monkey suit in their holy chamber

Sometimes they even loosen the ties, half roll up their sleeves - for staged foto-ops with real workers

And the mind-numbing soundbites they are cloaked with are cynically passed off as reasoned debate

Carefully-cultivated images serve merely to secure more donations for more ads to buy more votes

Those starched shirts must always be perfectly crisp and clean or it throws them off their sales pitch

Their swishy staff members spend hours on tie colors for the occasion: Now that's leading by example

Still, those guys are so insecure they just can’t keep from groping every bimbo coming within reach

Dressed for success yet quite unable to perform even the simplest real task beyond holding a glass

Yeah, power ties, for power brokers, movers and shakers: Anonymous yet furtively-savage rodents

Backstabbers with laser pointers, shoulderclimbers in shiny black wingtips, asskissers with $20K teeth

Going really casual in a dress shirt and suit coat – without a tie, for up to an hour at a time: Fearless

The security of real silk on his neck must surely keep a genuine leader focused on his donor’s agenda

Dumb me down some more until I see their clown costumes as solemnly as say, that gay papal regalia

Hey, that empty shit can’t intimidate any more, but it does identify - Like an orange prison jumpsuit

What other activities is a pricey three-piece suited for except canned speeches and ‘big’ meetings?

Oh, and their carefully planned odors – so meticulously applied after their real smells are cauterized

Yup, ties suck and anyone wearing one on a daily basis surely suffers from permanent brain damage

All you starched and programmed little roosters - At least dress like you could actually do something

There’ll be no more aura of respect generated by your costly finery, but here’s a caustic rejection

You! You ever try and drive a UPS truck or tear off a roof with a coat and tie on? No? I didn’t think so

You can’t walk on a shop floor with those slippery leather soles - So get out until you get some sense

Your very reason and imagination are constrained by the artificial stiffness of your stupid formal garb

And you do that willingly? Oh, I forgot, your handlers set out your clothes, just like your mommy did

Hey, you oughta try going to the unemployment office dressed in your strutting peacock TV getups

Yeah, they taught you about ginning undeserved respect by dressing funny back in law school, right?

Look, your personas are as fraudulent as your fairytale voter spin or your air-popped corporate videos

The frilly finery you must always wear now simply helps to publicly identify you - Like a Star of David