1
of 7 American adults find anything more advanced than children’s
books to be very challenging – nces.ed.gov, 2009.
Lissen,
I got no need ta read cuz I gotta smartphone ta look up any kinda
stuff I gotta know about
The
register makes change for me at my job so WTF do I need to know how
to do like math for
Hey,
spellin just aint importent in this modern world were tweetin on thru
Oh,
right, like I might need ta read subtitles on some boring and stupid
forin movie
Proud
ta say we don’t own nonea them useless books, cept the King James –
not emen a checkbook
Well,
just what would I read anyways, some wack liberal NYTimes or
NPR government fake news?
No
sir, ta keep up ta date on them libral schemes, we’ll jest keep her
locked right here on the Fox
Like
I munna sedown and read that 15 page legal docament contract ta my
iPhone: Nobody else does
Yup,
we signed that mortgage - but it was all jest a packa legal lies and
fraud we dinit really get
But
there aint nonea that fineprint in the bible so all that’s just the
devil’s handiwork ta be ignored
You
just ax anybody, them sientists is a buncha sissy geeks whatre so way
outta touch with reality
But
I got thousandsa sports satistcs regardin my belovd home team right
up here & at my fingertips
Ta
me, litercy today means knowin how ta runa touch screen and such
And
everbody knows ya sure don’t need yearsa schoolin ta sort out the
hogwash comin outta google
That
is, my criticel thinkin skeels don’t rely on some backbonea school
book learnin ta work right
Look,
you just back off, I can read any restrint menu I might actually want
to…
So,
ya see it jest aint important to are lifestyle if my kids test out
behind like them whateffin Finns
But
I’ll be happy ta swap soundbites with them yella-belly librels - or
small arms fire fer that matter
The
real men I watch in HD don’t set there readin and shit, they bend
down in tights and get after it
And
as fer writin - now just what on god’s green earth is that supposed
ta actuelly be for?
You
can take yer grammer, spellin and whatever punktuation and u just go
see how far it gets u
After
all, too much lernin jest destroys a guys good god-given common
sense, aint ya seen?
Enaways,
I got an app that’ll read eny stuff I really need - right out loud
ta me
Really,
getting us ta read all the time is jest one waya gettin our attention
offa ther socialist plots
I
don’t hafta like like do the math on my job and they aint payin me
ta read no gotdam books, ether
Hey
I can read the numbers on my Lotto tickets good enough to know that
it’s better luck next time
And
who really gives a shit about them whatever hunrert or so ingreedints
in abaga Doritas, anyway?
Watchin
shit blow up in HD is way more stimulatin than settin all quiet in
some corner just readin
Enaways,
if you caint get it ta fit it inta a 30 second soundbite you aready
lost my attintion
Alla
them collige gradu8ts workin over ta that elitist Starbucks aint
needin ta read nothin, so there
And
ya know, it aint plitically correct or HUD-Approved ta favor
bookworms over us common folks
Readins
just about as importent as stuff like that BS recicling, and theyll
hafta pay me ta do that too
Hey
they aint denyin unqualified LBGT, handycapped wimmen acolor
promotions cuz theys illiterate
Now
look, Don’t ya think if readin was so dam vital that I’d already
know about it?
Busides,
alla them installation instructions was translated by hindis from
whatever chinese nonsense
Enaway,
I really caint make out anya them little-teeny squiggles and I caint
afford no gotdam glasses
No comments:
Post a Comment