Keepin Our Priorities Straight

Today, the country pays the price for the left-wing ideologies that ran rampant in the 20th century – The American Conservative

Not wastin no funds like rebildin old bridges, failin sewers, bad roads, lektrik grids & water supplies

Gotta shove them illegales back without no amnesty but I sure aint gonna go pick that gotdam brocolli

Aint inerested in hearin about like shattered ecasystems cause they ain’t hurt me none at all

But orchestrated celebrity wardrobe malfunctions are definitely worth menshinin…quite often

Not even gonna consider their wacko BS bout some looming global fresh water shortage craptrap

Now, the threata gun control…That’s somethin we always gotta be perpetchile on alert for

You can jest STF-up yer fact-fudgin, elitist, global warmin power grab, ya traitrus libral snowflakes

But we do need ta hurryup & get them moochers off medicaid, unemploymint, foodstamps & disabilty

CorproAg dead soil, antibiotics, fertilizer & pesticide abuse, GMOs & water waste are jest irrevelent

Now then, let’s set down and talk foopbawl stats - and ax me how my fantasy league picks are doin

Yr bogus human-caused mass estintion is bout as critical ta me as the bugs smashed on my winshield

More importntly, I’m busy decidin shud I buy a new jetski, snowmachine, ATV, RV or a dirtbike next

The dignitya factory meat and the proper treatment of ther wastes aint no parta my buyin decisions

Damn straight we gotta stop teachin this unproven evilution over god’s absulute lawr of creationism

Aint no fairytale NewAge sustainabilly dopesmoke gonna affect my next vote, none at all, whatsoever

I do wanna know when them good jobsa tamarra they promised when they offshored us are comin in

Unending goverment shutdown crises are gonna earn us some real political victerys real soon now

Busides, the most important thing is ta make sure our libral enemies don’t get nethin done at all

We’ll take viralized soundbites over their shady and twisted so-called scientific satistics, anytime

Its vital ta spend more time studyin cell plans & credit card rates than on boring like retirement plans

I aint doin that wack reciclin crap unlest and until they start paying me ta do it - like they shud

Them quiet overpriced habrids are fer them meterosexuls and such. Me & my Ram-tough hemi rule.

That big shit called the Dead Spot the Mississippi takes with our toxins in the Guf aint on my radar

Leaders gotta talkta ther personal saviors when makin such decsions as liberatin them evil califates

The healtha this country aint measured by the cunditiona them convenient sewers, AKA our rivers

Everbudy knows that like GDP and the Unemployment numbers are the real measuresa our progress

Mountain top removal and power plant mercury emissions aint rightly parta any bill fer coal-fired A/C

Chicken crap from squeezed producers that’s killin chesapeake bay oysters don’t even matter to me

Jest cuz u caint go swimmin or eat the fish yer kids catch aint no reason ta get all like preturbed

Keepin in mind that this overpopelation myth flys right in the facea gods order ta go out and multiply

Gotta get ridda socialist entitlements cuz they just stimulat them multi-generational welfare queens

We got no use fer this dam obamacare cuz we already get our healtcare fer free - Down to the ER!

Absulutly hafta get the gumint outta our biness but sniffin at all them emails, tweets & shit: A-OK!

It’s a sure thing that if it takes a collige dugree ta read it, it just aint worth knowin about enaway

Don need no gov’t nannyin on what ta eat and specially not ther lame meddlin junk about exercisin

Jest keep them 12 candy, salty snack & frozen treat aisles…and get that freerange shit outta my way