Hooray For That NSA!

The Glomar Response: A government agency's express refusal to confirm or deny having any information on a subject

Yup, they’re out there - sipping from their most giant data firehose, just looking for stuff like this:

‘I’m hoping ta join an al-qaeda sleeper cell, can somebody help me find one in my home town?’

Now then, if I searched for ‘neked pitchersa little boys’, they’ll be trolling for that as well

See, theyre trainin computers to sniff out terrorists and perverts like dogs sniff out drugs and bombs

Don’t be following @alqaeda on twitter or your updated score will draw a live spook’s attention

But no worries, they aint stealing your credit card information, even though now they could

For they’ve found a way to break that good old uncrackable RSA - Oh Hooray, Hooray!

Closeted heroes all named Joe who the NSA routinely denies - their duty is to secretly keep us safe

Why, they’ve even figured out how to get onto your smart TV and can sniff inside yer iPhone as well

But you got to remember it’s all and only in the greater ineresta-nachinal security, so you just relax

Just don’t be looking up like ‘bomb making materials’ or ‘buying a US passport’ or stuff like that

And they’ve figured out how to decode misspellings and illiteracy better than with that shoe bomber

Incubating whatever yottabytes of personal, private data that’s 99.99% useless - Out there in Utah

Packet-groping you at all the major data centers 24x7x365, they filter-feed on our precious freedoms

Nobly working out algorithms to separate white rice recipes from deadly ricin nerve gas formulas

Probably even able to differentiate libertarian sarcasm from the plots of poisoned true believers 

They got smart guys with phDs in like Steganography dissectin images of panties for sharia fatwas

They can detect upticks in terrorist chatter with the fully correlated precision of scientific statistics

And these days they’ll find out if you’re looking into fertilizer, diesel fuel and renting a truck

They’re connecting the dots all over the world, hoping to see the big picture to save our way of life

So I’m not doing online research about weaponizing bird flu or on how much security there is at dams

Dont want to get on a watchlist and have my calls sent straight to the NSA as a potential drone target

I can only hope my digital pocket litter don’t add up to enough to earn me a cyber-detective tail

But, who knows? Searching on gay marriage and Traditional Family Values may be suspicious as well

It costs us billions but their budget is also a secret, so you just better back offa that real quietlike

Just keep in mind that all their work is simply in the interesta ensurin our own common good

You stay away from them web honeypots they fill with helpful hints about pressure cooker bombs

Look, don’t ask any questions at all cause that evokes “The Glomar Response” - and closer scrutiny

Simply accept that to preserve our liberty they gotta tap your innermost privacy in absolute secrecy

And like they keep telling us, if you done nothing, you got nothing to fear, And…it wont hurt a bit

Seriously, you will do your part by just letting them do theirs, you know, like you do at the airport

Their people are anonymous, their methods are secret, their results are classified and that’s how it is

They spurn the cops, they’re outside the military, they don’t talk to the FBI, but you must trust them

They’re not after your mother, they wont hurt your kids, so you can relax and keep sexting your wife

But you can be quite sure: They possibly have foiled nearly countless deadly and hypothetical attacks

They could brick your laptop anytime if necessary, so just you stay real quiet, a bit right of center